I lost my husband 5 years ago and it still hurts he was my best friend and i do not know what to do this week it is coming up to his anniversary and that makes everthing hard i just wish i had someone to talk to he was a poorly man and we had a lot of carers in our home we had eight carers 1 night sitter and a team of community nurses every day then paul passes away and they all leave and it feels so empty we have no children so no one i can turn to i am really struggling to cope
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Hello @Sassychic,
I’m so sorry about your husband. I hope you feel that you can turn to the community - you’re not alone.
I’m not sure how old you are, but it might help to know that you can call The Silver Line any time of the day or night when you’re feeling lonely or that you need to talk to someone. If you’re over 55, their phone line is available 24/7 for friendship, conversation and support. You can call them for free on 0800 4 70 80 90.
Anniversaries can be really tough, no matter how long ago our loss was. Please do be gentle with yourself. You might find our coping with anniversaries page helpful to read, too.
Take good care 
Hi @Sassychic . In @Seaneen 's post, you will see one bit of advice is to celebrate the occasion, and not dread it. I’ve always done that! I’ve done all sorts, often doing challenges in her name, often visiting our favourite places, sometimes doing both.
I have really happy thoughts, sometimes with a few happy tears
She was worth it, she deserves it, she wouldn’t want to be remembered by me feeling awful, she’d want to be remembered kindly.
The first anniversary felt strange ( I made a date to meet her at the top of a small mountain I didn’t think I could climb). It was a bit like our first date, 50 years earlier. I chatted her up again, it felt marvellous, then off to the pub for lunch and a pint (with an odd moist eye!)
I’ve since done other strange things in her memory, last year I went potholing!!
I’m still thinking of something for next year.
So don’t fear it, do something nice💕
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That is easier said than done all my life was with paul frommth age of seventeen to 63 when he passed away i did not get time to say goodbye kiss him and tell him i love him he was not talking and i got nothing from the man that i loved so much and had spent everday of my life with we where the most loving couple in the world went everywhere together and now i have nothing the pain is sometimes unbearable and as for going to places that we went together is not good for me at all i cànnot do it
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Hey Bute I get where Ur coming from losing someone you love is never easy,I think Ur husband would want you to try to be happy, u was there for Ur husband and supported him u couldn’t of done anymore,u need to stop being so hard on yourself he’s at peace now and so should u be u will meet again one day it’s never goodbye it’s always see ya later if u ever need to talk my inbox is always open I also know what it’s like to be a full time carer u lose your identity once you lose the one your caring for I did xxx
Hi thankmyou taking the time to get back to me i was advised to tyr this site but i think it is not for me as i am this type of person that is emotional and i take on everbody else’s feelings then that makes me worse i do not know how to cope with all of this i suffer panic attacks when out i try to hold everything in but its not that easy
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I totally get where u are coming from I never thought I would come on here I always thought I was strong enough and I thought talking make me weak but it is what it is I also suffer from really bad panic attacks I can’t open to my front door to the post man just incase I have one but if there is one thing I learned in life is we ain’t on our own there’s lots of people feeling like us, and I will try and help you as much as I can I’m only a message away xxx
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Hi brummy
Like you I never got a chance to say goodbye to my wife. She collapsed on the bathroom floor and although the excellent paramedics managed to restart her heart, she only survived until next day without regaining consciousness.
I’m sure however that her spirit remains with me, especially after reading Dr Raymond Moody’s books, which gives me a degree of comfort.
Look after yourself.
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Hey Bute just wanted to check in to see if I are ok I know how panic attacks work and they horrible I just hope u ain’t complete delete this I think this would would be good for you I really just want u to be all good I wish I well I just can’t get u off my mind I’m never like that I just want u to be ok u deserve it xxx
I feel the same way ,will be 3 years this October and I seem to be not coping
My anxiety and panic attacks are getting worse also my migraines ,
Take care,not a journey we all want to be on
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Brummy
Brummy
So very sorry for your loss
I hate weekends too as we always went out on a Saturday afternoon,
I do go out for a walk which helps
But we had so many more plans and memories to make
Its such a difficult journey without our loved ones
Take care
Susie
Brummy
It must help going back to work
We moved near family 12 months before my ,husband passed
I have my mother who is 94 and one son who lives a 6 hour drive away,
I do drive but won’t drive that far on my own ,
My late husband had a cardiac arrest whist driving I was in the car and had to stop the car safety, unfortunately my worst nightmare passed away 2 hours later,
The police bluelighted me following the ambulance,even the Air ambulance came out,
Hope you have family and friends nearby to support you
Take care,
Susie .
Brummy
My heart goes out to you
Totally understand what you are saying,
I miss the old me ,unless you have lost your soulmate nobody understands how you feel,
I do meet one of my friends and go out for a meal occasionally,and do have 2 other friends who check up on me and we go out shopping,
But I miss my husband more each day ,
Take care
Susie
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I totally understand and I’m so sorry. I feel exactly that too. My beloved Daniel was taken by cancer, we were together every day for 46 years, he was my world and I his. The last 2 days he went so fast and became incoherent quickly I was in shock. I still am it’s been 4 months. My life right now is shattered into a million pieces.
I’m trying to be there as much as I can for others but I have no clue when I have a message back I don’t know what I’m doing I am crap with phones etc so if I miss a message I don’t mean to be rude I’m just learning at the minute lol xxx
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Brummy
At least everyone on this forum understands
what everyone is going through,
I did have councilling over the phone for 6 sessions,but it didn’t really help,
Hope you had a good day at work,
Take care .
Susie.
Brummy
I hope the Grief councilling helps,
I went out shopping with a friend yesterday
I use to work in an office but when I moved I retired,but I am a carer for my mother,
I try to keep busy,but miss my husband so much,
Hope you are having a good day,
Take care ,
Susie.
Brummy,
Totally understand what you are saying,I miss my husband so much ,we loved going down to Devon and Cornwall, feel totally in Limbo without him,
That was good of you looking after your mother in law ,
Take care,
Look after yourself.
Susie.
Brummy,
Sorry your feeling mentally ,and physically exhausted,grief takes so much out of us,
It feels like a rollercoaster ride ,
Haven’t done much today, been pouring with rain ,I like pottering in the garden,
It would be my wedding anniversary this Saturday, just miss how much more memories we could have made ,
Hope you feel better tomorrow
Take care,
Susie.