This is my first time posting on this site so it’s all new to me.
I lost my husband at the end of June to Lymphoma cancer. He was first diagnosed in 2020 at the start of COVID which was a major challenge in itself. For five years he battled the disease but finally lost the fight in June.
I wasn’t prepared for this no matter how many setbacks he had along the way. I always thought he would pull through.
Without him I am totally lost. Everything now seems so hard. Friends were lost along the way during his cancer battle, something which upset him so much. They managed to come to the funeral but couldn’t support him when he needed them most and it makes me so angry.
The simplest of things seem to upset me and I can’t believe I won’t ever see him again.
We were married for 40 years and did everything together.
I try to keep busy as I find it helps but the nights are the worst time. The house is so quiet without him.
Facing the future on my own is daunting and not something I can come to terms with yet.
I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I know what you mean as I felt my husband would be OK even when doctors warned me they probably couldn’t save him. And it does seem impossible that I won’t see him again. My only way through is knowing there are others - my sister and sister in law, particularly, and of course my two dogs, who need me. I have to be there for them. I am now healthier than ever because I have those responsibilities. But it is incredibly hard, the hardest, most dreadful time, worse than I could ever have imagined. But my husband was an expert in having fun, and I can now laugh at the films, TV shows, and books he loved. It’s almost a year, so I suppose it is getting better, though very much 2 steps forward one step back. The simplest of things continue to upset me, and I just protect myself against unnecessary pain. I don’t watch the news, or those TV shows people rave about but give me a sick feeling after a few minutes. My last visit to the gym upset me, because I saw someone who brought back memories, so I missed today’s class. I will go again, but I don’t force myself to do the tough stuff if I don’t have to, Life’s bad enough. Be kind to yourself. After a while you may find meaningful projects that distract you, which can help. Sorry this is a bit of a ramble, hope something resonates and helps. Much love
Hi Kazzyjayne,
I’m so sorry about your husband passing. I know what you are going through because my husband of 30 years died in 2024. It is very hard for us to go through this. I’m sorry about your friends not being available for your husband when he was so ill. Our friends and even family members weren’t there for us either. You are right. It is so lonely and quiet now. We aren’t used to that.
What you can do is remember the wonderful 40 years you had together. Be glad for them. Not everyone has that time together. It’s good that you keep busy. Now, you have some time for things that perhaps got neglected when you were caring for your husband. I have found time for things that I liked doing but didn’t have the time when my husband was so ill from his lung cancer.
If you are religious, prayer helps immensely. It helps me to not feel so alone.
It’s been one and a half years since my husband died and it really does start to get better. I don’t feel so devastated as I did at first. So, there’s hope for that.
If you ever want to talk, I have plenty of time these days.
I wish you the best!
Snowy Evening
Hi its comforting to know that things hopefully will get better. I think when you lose your partner it is such a life changing moment. Everything you have been used to doing changes as suddenly you are on your own.
Im also feeling a lot of regrets that maybe we could have done more when he was feeling better. He started with cancer during covid and after the first lot of chemo was in remission for two years. I know its easy to say after the event but its like our life became totally focused on the cancer. I wish I could have done more in the last year to help him through that terrible time when it spread to his brain. People tell me that you go through a lot of different emotions after a death so I think thats what Im experiencing now and I just hope I can move forward and remember the really good times we had together.
Thanks for listening.
Kazzyjayne
Hi Kazzyjayne,
It is hard to go through the death of a husband or any loved one. I found what helped me the most was keeping busy. I hadn’t been able to do the heavy cleaning; i.e. windows etc. when I was taking care of my husband. Now I have time to do all of that and it helps. Also I donated all of his clothing etc. That helps because it takes away some of the instant memories that hit you when you open the closet. Of course, you want to retain good memories but you don’t need tons of reminders every time you open a closet or cupboard. Keep what is important to you and donate the rest.
You said you wished you could have done more for your husband but just you being there for him was very important. I’m sure he appreciated that immensely.
Do you have family or friends that you can be with sometimes? It helps a lot with what you are going through.
I’ll say a prayer for you.
Blessings.
Snowy Evening
Hi, my husband if 49yrs passed away June after a relatively short time so everything is still very raw, and I have conflicting emotions ranging from sadness and loneliness to totally irrational anger that he left me, so i can completely emphasise with you.