I dont know what to put on here as it is so hard every xmas that comes up i feel the same well this year i feel worse and i cannot explain it i know i have to go out xmas shopping but o cannot.face it with all the dexorations up to remind me that this was paul’s special time of the year this year seems so hard for me i have a wonderful nephew who takes me out every 2 weeks for a.meal then costa coffee he knows.how hard this is for me and how much i miss his uncle paul but i cannot ask him to.take.me.shopping as i do.not want to be that burden to.him or anybody for.that fact and i know he is busy with work why oh why does it have to be this hard i am in tears everyday , a couple of years ago i got diagnosed with atrial fibliration i went to my doctors to talk about meds or so.i thought only dor.my gp.to.say i could not go home he was gettinh an abulance for me i was heartbroken he knew i did not like hospitals at all but he said as i has drove ther it would be wrong of him to let me go home if i left it my heart would expire that was his best way of putting it but all i feel is why not let it expire then i would be with paul and i would be happy and safe.again thats all i want there is nobody that can make me feel like that again i need him i need his voice to calm me down and i know that sounds so silly whenever i heard his voice or my dads voice or my grandads voice they could calm me but they are all gone now i wish i could here them now
You feel how you feel. You are not silly. Nothing prepares us for the loss that we feel. I feel completely different every day. On the days that feel normalish i feel rubbish for feeling that way too. I’m sure that your nephew gets comfort from being able to support you the way he does.
Christmas just comes along to chuck a spanner in the works.
I feel like that too, my husband passed suddenly and unexpected, im so lost without him, I have lost my safe place, my protection and my rock, we were always together and now its just me unable to cope and realising how much my husband did for me, I miss him so much im heartbroken
I never even thought about that side of things at all just thought he would still be around I should have listened to him and learnt more he wanted to teach me how to do electrics and I just thought why when I have you , this is the loniest time of the year for me as he loved Xmas now it feels so empty without him I miss him so much and having no oneon xmas day I just want to sleep the day away I just wish he was here or anybody was here it is so lonely
It is very lonely, I will be at my daughters putting on a brave face for my grandson on Christmas day, its so hard and scary now to be on my own in an empty house that was full of laughter and love every day, i can’t imagine life without him
It is the worst part , it feels cold and quiet, no happiness at all, I hate it so much , if I go to the shop the coming back to a lonely home is horrible.
Does anyone else feel like because your on your own you dont belong anywhere , I feel lost and lonely as though I now dont have anybody yet I have my children but they just don’t understand how im feeling at all because I put on a brave face to them but my stomach is in knots and im broken inside.
I know how you feel my family do not understand why I still feel like this I put a face on when I am with my nephew as its not his fault so I feel they don’t want to see me sad so what do you do I wish I knew the answer but I don’t
I too wish I new what to do, i was so emotional the other day and my daughter said just shake yourself , he wouldn’t want you to be like this, that is so easier said than done, they dont understand how it is, its horrible and I feel so alone and helpless like this
I think those closest to us, are unable or unwilling to cope with the change’ they see’ in ourselves whether this is consciously or unconscious. Another example of how we don’t do’ grief very well. This whole timeline’ on how long we get’ to grieve needs firmly debunking
I think because I lost my husband so suddenly and very unexpected and I had to do cpr on him I am suffering with ptsd and my family have no idea how this has affected me , I put on a brave face to them because I dont want them to get fed up with me , they are all getting ready for Christmas and I just want to run away and hide.
You are so new to this and all of it is very understandable I am not new to this I have been in this for 5 years , my youngest brother came over to see me as my nephew his son had told him I was not coping he saw me at my worst not even dressed or washed my hair I was a mess he saw I was not coping and gave me a cuddle but he did say exactly what your daughter said he said paul would not want you to be like this crying all the time I said I know that but he is not here is he and I cannot change that and it all feels so unfair to be left on your own I had never been apart from him which makes this so hard
Im sorry you are the same, its so horrible to live like this, the feeling of loneliness and heartbreak is destroying me , especially in a morning when it all hits home again, I dont sleep well, I havnt cooked a meal as my husband loved cooking and that was his job, im a total wreck at home on my own, something my children do not see, and this time of year makes it even worse.
We have a lot of simulataries paul was a good cook before he got I’m me well just average even the washing up was him he said I did not do it right and he was right I think we have both depend on the two men in our lives a bit to much but then you think it’s going to last forever the only people that will get our greif is people that go through it , pauls nephew said to me just after paul had died that he understood what I was going through I asked him how do you understand he said about him and his ex partner but I said to him Claire is still alive and you can talk to her like they did all the time because they had two kids , I can’t puck a phone up and speak to paul can I so you don’t understand he has gone forever with no comebacks why do people say stupid things to you it does notmake you feel any better at all , If only we loved near one and other we could meet up for a coffee and a hug and cry together
Hi my husband also did the washing up too like you said I also never did it right, I realise now how much he did, nobody will ever understand what we are going through unless they have gone through it themselves the reality of him never coming back never seeing him only on photos now is heartbreaking , I hate my life without him here, its never going to be the same, I totally understand you too, and its horrible, im so sorry for you too.
We somehow just have to try and get used to it i am not sure how anybody does that i have not been out of my house this week i know i have to.go.out and get some shopping but feel i just dont want to , i was away last weekend and it was horrible with mu brother ro visit my stepmum and my brother argued with me the whole trip up to lockerbie i just wanted him to be quite so as i coukd drive in peace but he carried it on even when we got there my stepmum does not understand me she said get a cat as if thats going to help.i wish i had never gone up there so it has made me retreat back into.myself nobody gets it at all my stepmum should as.my dad.passwd away two years ago so she should understand but she is very outspoken i have not even spoke to both of them since
Aww sassychic, im so sorry to hear that, it can’t be nice to argue with your family which should really be giving you support , thats why I just put on a brave face as I dont want them getting fed up of me, but as soon as they even mention memories of my husband my tears just flow snd I feel like they look at me as though I shouldn’t be still emotional, its just a complete different lonely life I have now.
That is normal to cry when anybody mentions your husband i do the same thing i think because we try to hold it all in that when out families mention them it just comes pouring out and we cannot help it i have a friend i call him my bereavement buddy but i cry to him and i think he is going to get fed up with me although he understands aa he has lost his wife so.he knows what its like but there is only so much people can take of my tears i just wish i could feel.better than i do
Hi sassychic, im on a real emotional day, in the empty house on my own not knowing what to do, I could do with a bereavement buddy like you who know what your going through and to support each other, I need to feel some relief with this.
