Just had another bout of tears cannot seem to.get through any day withput all.these tears why does it feel this bad just need paul here to pit his arms around me and tell me.everything will be ok but its.not is it ot can never be.better without him i really dont want this anymore i am not a strong person that my brother thinks i am i waa when paul was here but i am no longer that person i wish i cpuld.be.but i am not i never wouls wish this.pain on.anyone it is.the.most.worst pain i have ever had my tears just keep.coming 
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Sassychick you are not alone. I cry at least 3 times in a day sometimes more. You are right it’s like no other pain. Will be 6 weeks since my husband passed and I can’t say any words other than I think 1 day at a time. You will miss him as I do my husband - they are our every thing . Try to be easy on yourself it’s ok to feel all these emotions especially now when we would be spending more time with them. I missed him driving me around today . It’s the every day things I miss too. You are strong and strength will come . I have my children and they keep me from crying non stop . Sending you a shared virtual hug as I feel your pain.
Hi samwise
Thank you for your kind words you are so new to.this and i have been like this for.5yrs now this just gets harder for me i just wish i was with him as we where never apart and that is what is making this so hard your kids will be a great help and comfort to.you that.is something we did not have any of auch a shame thank you for your virtual hug hugs are what i miss the.most
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Its been a little over 2 years for me and I still have the tears. When my husband died, part of me died with him. We had no kids, so I’m on my own. I understand your pain and hopefully we can find a way to live around this grief.
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You are not alone, I had really bad thoughts recently. I don’t see a point of being here. Despite having my dad here for Christmas and one more month. My mom thought I’m over it, my sister is more understanding saying I was so strong for 7 months and mostly i did best I could, but now over Christmas I just broke into pieces. I won’t be lying, I had glass of wine or whiskey here and then to ease the pain and my family noticed. But they don’t feel the pain I carry inside everyday, only people who sadly lost loved one can understand me. I’m not a shame to admit it on this forum because we are all in the same boat. I just wish to talk to someone like face to face and cry out loud My dogs would follow me everywhere the last couple of days and even my huge cane corso is back to sleep on my bad, they can sense I need comfort. Love you all and I very sorry for you loss. We need to stick together 
Sending you virtual hugs.
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I would.like to stop this roundabout and get off for.a.while i feel.like i am going.round.in circles.and it.just wont.stop the.pain is never ending i am in tears.again i miss him so much and now there is new year to face i cannot.do.this.anymore 
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I feel your pain, I truly do 
I wish to go to sleep and wake up in the same place Marek is. It’s nearly midnight and I don’t sleep thinking of him. What is he doing, is he here or missing me and much as I missing him?
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Dear Sassychic,
I cry most mornings when I wake after a short sleep. Today I checked my husbands phone and one of his work colleagues who left a while ago before he retired was asking about his Christmas and telling him that she was expecting. It reminded me how kind he is and always had time for everyone. Please bring him back I say knowing full well that isn’t going to happen. I had a house full yesterday and it distracted me for moments. I usually end up talking about him or thinking he would have loved this. Tidying up as I chatted and loading the dishwasher as he sipped his wine. Not a happy new year just a devastating sad one. Wish I could rewind just one year.
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Hi samwise
I woke up this morning and was crying I had a strange dream paul was in it and our nephew on his side was in it as well we where close to Jason and he passed away 2yrs after paul he was only 51 I have never had a dream with Jason in it many dreams with paul in them it was so strange dreaming of him as well I miss them both I have never been able to understand dreams or what they mean would love to know what they mean, I miss paul every Christmas and New year and this new year is no exception I just wish he was here to wish me a happy new year and give me a kiss like he always did , but I know that’s never going to happen as we can never have them back and that’s what hurts you even more and I don’t know what to do
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