Today i have woke up crying because of a dream myself anpaul are in it as well as his family which is unusal anyway it was not a good dream this time and it has really upset me i do not even have somebody that i could ring up and tell them this , i hate all of this the quiteness is deafing and when you cannot talk to anybody about it that just hurts even more i have one friend but i dont think he would like me to ring him when i am feeling like this he does not need to know all of this , thia is what makes it so hard .
@Sweetlady
I’m sorry to read about your dream becoming a nightmare. Usually dreams about our lost loved ones are precious and reassuring, so I can understand how upset you must be after this one.
Whilst it’s on your mind it might be worth analysing, because there might be a positive meaning behind it. If not then you will have to try and forget it. Not easy I know.
I’m a year into this horrible journey and up until now I haven’t dreamt about my wife, but now she’s starting to make background appearances.
Like you I have no one to open my heart to about these things, which is why this forum is so valuable.
I don’t know Sassychic, I really don’t. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn’t.
I think we are all looking for the meaning of life which will probably mean different things to different people and that is assuming anyone can come to a conclusion.
The main thing about this website for me is I get reassurance from people in the same situation that what I am doing or feeling is normal and that I’m not going out of my mind.
Christmas and the New Year is a very difficult time for most of us and when worrying about how low we feel allowance should be made for the season. Daylight is also in short supply and that dramatically affects my mood and I’m sure others also suffer.
I didn’t do much over Christmas and New Year, I sort of hibernated with my books and the telly. It also gave me time to reflect. That said I haven’t been able to draw any conclusions about my future, such as it is, but at least I’ve assembled a few topics to debate with myself and possibly others on this forum.
I don’t feel life is fair at the moment and I’m sure you don’t either. The reason for this hopefully will become apparent in the future.
In the meantime concentrate on dealing with each hour as it arrives and take good care of yourself.
Thank you for sharing that with me just like you i did not do much over christmas and new year as i am on my own yes i have a bit of family but they all do there own things which makes it quite for me since paul passing i feel so alone and scared of what comes next for me i really dont want to think about it all and i think all of this is so unfair on all of us
My family say to me your stronger than you think but i feel my strength and convidence went that night with paul and i just dont know how to be strong again
This is a horrible thing to happen to anybody and you are never ready for it at all and i know we all miss that special person that we had in our lives i just think this is so cruel to all of us .
Hello Sassychic
I think a lot of us feel vulnerable now, I know I do. My confidence is totally shot really.
Part of it is not having anyone to discuss things with. It doesn’t have to be anything particularly serious, it could be mundane things like getting some decorating done or maybe a garden gate repaired that sort of thing. I don’t have confidence in my own judgment at the moment.
Then there are security issues. I’m thinking about getting a key safe put by the front door so that help can get in if I’m incapacitated. I called the ambulance when my wife had her heart attack but who’s going to dial 999 for me?
What I’m describing are the issues that subconsciously we are all trying to resolve in addition to the overwhelming grief of losing our soulmate. This is what I mean about ‘topics’ for consideration. If we can find solutions to some of our vulnerabilities then we might be able to cope better with our grief.
I’m sorry, that’s as far as I’ve got. It’s what you might call work in progress and I think it will take some time. For now we plod on hour by hour.
We are all here for each other.
Take care.
Thats what i mean my confidence is gone i bought two video doorbells and i asked my brother to put them up for me and i just got a lot of grief so i thought i will not ask again i have a nieghbourhood whatsapp and asked on there if anyone new of a trustworthy workman how could help one of my neighbours said her partner would do it for me he might have some time before christmas then my other nieghbour carole asked if she could do it for me so she came over and we got them put up but its the same for everything you need doing ihave a keysafe and i can say it has been good for me i got it when paul had all his carers in and it came in handy when i ended up.in hospital and needed family to go and get me some clothes so they are good if you are thinking about one but i miss someone to talk to just about everything and anything and even when you are watching something on the telly i still do not know how to process all of this and 5yrs in and i do not have the courage to get rid of his clothes as i feel its another bit of him i am getting rid of and it hurts i know i am going to have to be strong and try that this year but i know i am going to cry talking on here is all i have and i realise now how many people are just like me feeling lost and lonely i just think if there is a god up there he is not bieng very kind to all of us .
I am in an entirely new situation, trying to adopt a new identity. We were married for 48 years and for all that time we identified as a couple. We were best friends and soulmates, we knew what each other was thinking. At the moment I really don’t know who I am or who I’m supposed to be. At the moment I’m like a bird stranded on the ground with a broken wing.
This house isn’t really ideal for me now but I’m frightened of changing anything in case it makes matters worse and I’ve got nobody to discuss it with. At the moment I feel my wife is still with me but if I move from familiar surroundings will I lose that contact.
I’m a year into this journey and you are five, both very short timeframes to make life changing decisions.
We just have to take very small steps and see how it goes.
My confidence has gone…I don’t like driving now as if I broke down he would be at home waiting for me or helping me…I keep getting two mugs out and a loaf of bread goes stale and of course finances are affected and oaps don’t get much help