Hi, I just hate how I am feeling now, nothing to look forward to, so quiet and lonely, I can’t believe this has happened and all our plans just gone, people say it gets easier, how can it , i can’t see it at all, theybwont know this feeling until they go through it, thats whybits good to talk on here to people that know exactly what your going through and how you feel.
Like you say nobody understands till they go through it . I feel exactly the same so many plans that will never happen. Life will never be the same again .
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Keep posting on here it really helps
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You are so right, there is nothing to look forward to.My dear wife and i had so many plans for our retirement and latter years, now its just sadness, loneliness and emptyness.I try to think of happy memories but they are often overwhelmed with sadness as we cant make new memories now.I often think its not a life i once loved so much now its just existing and surviving, hour by hour ,day by day, week by week.Groundhog day.i find it really difficult to concentrate and make decisions, so much responsibilities nowMental fog/Grief brain.It really is a rollercoaster this journey we are on.Take care.
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Hi brummy
You have said everything i think of and have said when my hausband passed away i was so lost i just could.not think straight about how i.was going to.carry on i am not doing anything i wanted to.do as i cannot everything i did i did it with paul now just me i know what you say about memories i can think about them then i think about all the plans we had made this year we would married 50yrs and had a plan for a big party and famiies all there now i have to look at that day on my own i can feel.this big lump now in my throat as i know i will do.nothing on that day as there is no one to do anything with its going to.be tough .
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Hi sarah, this really is such a hard road we are on.everything i find is so difficult now, so many worries and responsibities.we had been married 36 happy years, the happiest dasy of my life was when i married my dear loving wife.She was the best wife i could ever have wished for.Now i just have loneliness, emptyness and sadness.never did i think this is what my life would become.Some people may say “Time Heals” for some maybe but for me 11 months on i find thats not the case with me.We are all different as human beings and we all try our best to cope the best we can.When my dear wife passed so suddenly and unexpectedly it just broke my heart.She was here one minute gone the next.We did everything together now its just me, no family only my wifes sister and she is disabled.Somehow i have got this far , its been a real struggle, many of the so called friends and relatives at the funeral were full of “we will keep in touch”, now nothing, the odd phone call but hardly anything.At times like this you know who your friends really are.Everyone going on with their own lives oblivious to our grief.One day they too will have to navigate this road as we are tring to do, then they too will know how grief feels and how it can tear you apart.The only thing we can do is do our best to carry on.I am not deeply religious but i think there is a “bigger picture” to all this.One day we may find out.Look after yourself , that is so important, take time to think about yourself.Take care.
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Hi Sarah yes he was your soul mate and the last person you spoke with before you fell asleep at night.
I really feel for you at this time and everything must feel empty he’s not there anymore.The loneliness must be really tough and it’s that constant ache deep inside that never seems to disappear.
I hope you managed to get sleep that night..then there’s the next morning,afternoon,evening and night to get through all over again.
Each day you get through are mini miracles.
Our thoughts go our to you.
Hello just read your post.
Days can feel so dark at times like this and so many things trigger our tears..memories…songs..just that emptiness that’s like a vacuum..so heartbreaking 
.
My heart goes out to you.
May you somehow find the inner strength and courage to get through each moment of every day.
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Hi brummy
You story sounds so similar to mine i met paul at 17 and paul was 20 it was a.blind dare set up ny one of his workmates and workmates wife who then asked me and i went out with them all that night after that meating we became inseperable and he asked me to marry him a month later and i said yes he was the most kindest man he looked after me so well and we had everything in life he made sure of that i had 44 wonderful years with paul and i was devestated.when he passed away i thought my world had just stopped and i could not see how i was going to cope without him we had no children and it is so empty here without him i know it has been 5yrs and people think i should be better now its not a cold i.have it is the love of my life i lost they just dont get it at all pauls family.well lets just say they are not.there for me.they.never where i struggled with them all i have a stepmum but she is no better i have two brothers but they do not understand me so i just hide everything from them paint a face on and say i am fine when inside i am broken i have one nephew who takes me out every fortnight for.a meal but i cannot keep dumping all of this on him its not fair so i really do.try to hide all of it from them all its my pain and this other thing i am struggling with i cannot tell.anybody about it and it is making me more sadder than ever i fell i cannot go on like this for much longer that is enough ranting sarah nobody needs to know.all of that i am so so sorry .
Sarah:broken_heart:
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Hi Sassychic
thank you so much for telling me about how you met Paul, that was so nice.Your Paul sounded so much like my dear wife, so kind, caring and loving.I met my dear wife as penfriends, very old fashioned i know compared with todays high tec world.I am a very shy person by nature not one for clubs etc so that was a way of meeting people with my kind of personality.I just so wish we had met sooner in life and i wish she could have been with me for nmany more years.she was 66 when she passed so suddenly and unexpectedly.We were looking forward to our latter years in retirement and growing old together, then this hapened.She was my world, my everything, now she has gone all i have is sadness, emptyness, loneliness.The empty place at out dining table, the empty place on our sofa, the empty place in our bed, the empty place in my heart which was broken when she passed so suddenly.it will never heal,there will always be that void.I try to remember happy memories like when we got married which was the happiest day of my life, but these happy memories are engulfed by sadness .Reliving that awful day she passed, here at home in the living room paramedics doing cpr on her all to no avail.they tried so much did their best but she had gone.I pleaded with her not to leave me but it was all too late.my life has never been the same since or ever will be again..People just dont get our suffering and pain with our grief.Unless they have been there they just dont understand.Grief has no timeline or pattern, it can hit us anytime, anywhere.Time i dont think heals, we never forget our dear loved ones, we never forget what happened.Things may change in time for us but our loss will never leave us.Our lives will never be again as we used to know and love..I am so sorry you dont get any support from Pauls family or your relatives.It really is so hard when its just us all alone.Like yourself i put on a mask when i go shopping and to work.i find there is so much to worry about now too, all the responsibilies and worrying about bills etc.Please never apolgise Sarah, its not our fault what has happened to us, just say how you are , how you feel.I am not deeply religious but when one day i was feeling really low and just though “Whats the point anymore” i saw a vicar in a church in town, they have a cafe in the church and usually the vicar is there.I just neede someone to talk to, someone to pour my heart out too with my grief and sadness.He listened to me and that was what i found so important someone to sit by me and listen as i told him what happened.He asked about my dear wife, how we met, where we got married.He didnt push religion at me but just listened and afterward talked about how to get help.That did help me Sarah, it doesnt stop the grief and heartbreak and tears but having someone to talk to and someone that really understood really did give me some comfort.Losing a loved one is something we will all have to encounter at some stage in our lives but its so hard so painful, so heartbreaking.I am sorry i cant repair your broken heart, my heart is broken too.We have to try and mend it somehow.I try to hold my wife close to me i am sure they are with us in a spiritually way even though i want my wife with me physically.Look after yourself Sarah that is so important, there are people that care about you, please never feel alone.I am sorry i have gone on a bit.Take care.
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@brummy brummy hello even though your post was for Sarah..it’s just a beautiful yet very heartbreaking post to read.The beautiful love you have for your wife and the terrible terrible sense of loss you are experiencing.
My heart does truly goes out to you and it’sso good you’re able to share on her the heartbreaking reality of both what happened and what you’re going through.
Anthony
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Anthony72
Thank you so much for your kind message.It really is so heartbreaking losing my dear wife.She was the best wife i could ever have wished to have, she was so kind, loving caring, gentle.always thinking of others rather than herself.She never really got over losing her dear mum in 2022.She too passed here, she was 86 , my dear wife 66.nothing can ever prepare us for grief whether its losing a parent, child, wife/partner.When it is so unexpected and sudden that really does hit you so hard.she had not been well for a while, she had a inherited rare blood condition from her grandfather.It was all so sudden , she was here one minute gone the next.Even nearly 12 months on everything is still as she left things, her glasses on the table, her place at the dining table, her clothes where she left them.I just cant bring myself to move things, i know it sounds silly.We all try and cope with this grief the best way we can.What works for us may not work for others.We are all different as human beings all trying to cope in the best way we can.The grief process can be so much like a rollercoaster, just as you think youre not doing too bad youre suddenly knocked back again with floods of tears.thats how today has been, i dread weekends especially sundays as that was the day my dear wife passed.These “trigger days” like anniversarys birthdays etc are so hard.i had my wifes first birthday without her last year, it was awful.
People who have never experienced what we are going through never really understand how we feel unless they too have experienced what we have.It really is a hard road we travel on but we have to do the best we can to carry on.I have often think the subject of grief/bereavement should be on the school cirriculum as its something we all will have to face at some stage in our lives.”Reaching Out” to someone is so important too whether in person, on the phone or on a keyboard.Isolation is a big problem that accompanies grief .i live in a rural are dont drive and there is nothing really here for people suffering bereavement.There are cafes but no bereavement cafes, there is a church but no bereavement course, you have to travel to the large toen/city to find somewhere..It can be so challenging too trying to find the resources available.My local Gp surgery had a booklet on bereavement which i found very useful with adresses and phone numbers.It really is so hard for us, when you have lost a dear loved one and your head is all over the place things can be so difficult.I know there are phone support networks like The Samaritans, and The Silver Line which can offer supprort,Cruse too but often there is a long list for councelling.I often think “Talking” to someone can help and offer comfort.This site has really been helpful to me, everyone so kind and understanding, offering support and often advice and tips too on how we can try and navigate this awful journey we find ourselves on.
I am sorry for your loss that brings you to this site.Thank you again for your kind message.If i can help someone even from a keyboard by giving them advice and support i will feel my life has achieved something.
Look after yourself.
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@brummy brummyHi mate thanks for responding I do appreciate you taking the time to reply.
You summarised it well regarding how you just can’t remove things that belonged her..like her glasses, tea cup,clothes,dinner plate..the list goes on..to throw anything away feels like you’re removing her presence and existence from both the home and from your life.Now everything materialistic has an emotional connection to yourself and to your wife…so it’s definitely far from being silly.It makes perfect sense.
The more we love..the more we hurt.The deeper the love..the deeper the pain.Loving comes at a cost as one can’t love without the pain and trauma that loves brings when we loose the one we love or they are hurt ect..
Glad you’re aware of some of the bereavement services available and yes there can be a waiting time and as you said locally some services aren’t available.
So glad you can express your feelings in a way that totally relatable and I am glad to have come across your posts here.
I only joined yesterday evening and ita a real blessing to be on here..yet I and saddened and touched when I read what others are going through.
Each moment of each hour is an achievement..to make it through the morning..afternoon..evening and night and then to wake up to face another day at times like these is nothing short of a miracle.
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Hi brummy
Thank you for your kind words and taking time to talk to me this is rhe hardest road i have ever been on it is a very lonely journey that we find ourselfs on , your wife sounds a lovely lady and to go so young at 66 is no age at all my husband paul was 65 when he passed away i was only 63 and now i am 68 its been a long hard journey that we find ourselfs on , when i met paul i was to young for going into pubs and clubs it was paul that introduced me to them so everywhere we went it was together we where never apart i will not go out into pubs on my own at all i feel vunerable and that people watch you i go to my local toby and get a takeaway to bring home and even doing that i still don’t like it i have one nephew that took over when paul passed away he has been my rock he takes me out twice a month and we go for a meal then a costa coffee then he drops me back home and then its going into the house on my knowing i its empty no paul , i do drive and have my own car i would be lost.without it paul taught me to drive he was so.patient i suffer from epilipsy and have done since 11yrs old i have medication and that has stopped the sezuires i have not had one since i was 23yrs old so when my gp said that they could give me something for my low mood i thought great some help at last but he then told me it comes with a slight risk i could have a seizure i said no thank you i am on my own and thars to frightening and then that means i lose my licence for 6 months for 1 seizure but if you have more then its longer i do not want to lose that as its what paul taught me its just to much to lose , i wish i lived nearer to you as i would take ypu to the bereavment cafe as i have not done that to nervous to do it on my own but we could have supported one and other i still dont know how to do it as i know i will break down and cry and all the sadness that i have inside will come out and i know the tears will not stop i have churches near me and never thought about the vicar i would have to pluck up the courage to go but he might not like me when i say if there was a god why did he do this to us and leave us with so much pain its just how i feel at this moment , i thought i had been through all of the sadness when my grandparents died they brought me up and when you are so young you never think of it at all then when my auntie died and i found her that was hard on me but i still had paul to help me get rheoufh i
Through it then when paul died who was rhere for me i was all alone and had to deal with his funeral i cannot say i am lucky because i am not but i could cope with my finances as i was the one that did all of that that was what paul wanted he made sure everthing was in place for me money wise and home but i would give it all back if i could just.have him here now when i need him any way that is enough from me to you brummy i hpoe you dont mind my long essay sending you a big hug take care of.your self and keep talking miss chatty will always be here for you at all times day or night
Sarah
Brummy Anthony and Sarah, I have just read your heartbreaking posts, I usually find myself returning to this site at this time before I face the day. Sarah I note what you say about ladies going in to pub’s and cafés alone and I fully understand, l go to cafes all the time alone and as a man I can cope with the feeling of vulnerability. But I also go to bereavement meetings and that is a completely different environment I understand that even that would be difficult for you to overcome your feelings and walk through the door to meet strangers, who may become friends who understand. I do hope that you can find some support near you.
Tony
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Hi tony
Thank you for your kind words and even taking the time to read my post let alone get back to me i know what you are saying about bereavment cafe but in this emotional state that i am in i know i could not hold my tears in and thats what frightens me the mist making such a fool of myself in front of strangers i jusr do not know how to do it at all,strong confident lady gone now just a weak mess
Sarah
I have found a bereavement cafe near me , I must admit i am a bit apprehensive about going . Walking through the door on my own it is well out of my comfort zone. I feel I must pluck up some courage and go
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I really hope you can find some support near where you live .
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I think there should be more bereavement cafes about to help people grieving, im sure it would help more being able to chat face to face with people who know exactly how your feeling, i certainly wish there was one near me, im sure I would try to make the effort to go. Sending hugs to all that need one today,… I know I do .
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