I am really stuggling with all the tears tonight and this is because i miss paul and why you may ask is bacause i hace been poorly since saturday and you always miss them and want them when you are ill i was supposed to go out with my nephew today but i cancelled because i was ill and my nephew said they had all been ill over the weekend i know it was right for us to not go out but i missed it i missed him now i have to wait a fortnight before i can see him and its going to be a long time for me with nobody he is the only one i ever see and that is going to take its toll on me just wish i had a few more people to see but i dont but hey ho thats my life not very much going on in it
Sarah
Sarah I hear your loneliness and pain. Have you tried to find any activities you could attend regularly? I’m not sure how old you are but age uk have a list of events each week in my area, if it’s possible try to go to something,it may lead to other things and at least you meet others. I know it’s not easy I have in the last nine months come from doing very little on my own to now meeting lots of people. It has not made me happy far from it but I think I would be in an even worse place if I had done nothing. Hope you can find some contentment.
Hi Sarah I’m sorry your not feeling well. There has been a nasty virus going around, I still have a cough week’s after getting it. Are you eating okay? Taking vitamins?
It’s awful not feeling well when the person who cared for us is no longer there.
Getting out and talking does help me. I’ve tried a few groups and found one bereavement group where the people are lovely. I force myself to try these groups with the thought that if I don’t like it I don’t have to stay or go again.
When your feeling better maybe look for a bereavement group in your area.
This bug is the toilet bug and it is getting me down not being able to go out on wednesday with my nephew and getting a hug from him although he told me that all of them had been poorly over the weekend so i suppose it might have been a good thing not to see each other till we are all better thats why i feel the need for my husband to be here silly i know this bug has really washed me out thank you for talking to me its so nice even just to talk like this that can make you feel a bit better and not on your own
I am not shy about my age i never have been i am a 68yr old lady there is a coffee morning in my area for older people and i would love to go to it but my anxiety kicks in and i just don’t go i know i should but the little voice in my head says no and its trying to get passed that just wish i had someone to walk in with and its the feeling lonely again after leaving
Sarah x
Oh Sarah if we are close by id come with you. I’m near Wolverhampton, where about are you? Maybe there’s someone on here in your area.
What I do is get ready to go, then decide if I’m up to it. I can change my mind right up to the door. That way it doesn’t make me too anxious, I don’t have to go if I don’t feel like it.
Your not old. I’m 66 and not old but feel I’ve aged 10 years at least since loosing Stephen. I’ve lost so much weight that’s not helped.
The groups I’ve been to are a mix of all ages all except one which wasn’t for me. I looked after both mum (dementia) and dad (Alzheimer’s) for 15 years, loosing dad Christmas before last and I still find it upsetting.
I live in leeds and i know poeple think its big but when you are trying to navigate it on your own its hard i do not go into the city centre i sray local to me ie kirkstall i do drive and have a lovely car but still find it hard i to feel i have ahaed 10 yrs since losing paul i feel old fat and frumpy because i put weight on after paul as of me bieng a ceoliac and apperntly it can make you do that so who wants to know a fat frumpy old lady nobody thats who
What about treating yourself to a new outfit or a hair appointment? It might just pick you up a little and give you the confidence to try the coffee morning. I’m saying this when it’s my bereavement group this afternoon and I’m debating if I should go. It’s cold, raining and I look a mess but I know getting out for a bit will be good.
I have my hair cut and coloured every 8 weeks i am going soon for that but it does make me feel better till i go home and no paul no hiya beautful and he always loved how my hair was cut and loved the colour
Now you know you want to go to your bereavment place well come on now go you are not a mess just think what stephen would say to you
Hark to me telling you and i cannot even do it what a sorry pair we are
Hi Sarah I’m back. Bereavement cafe was good. Spoke to the councillor first about the flashbacks. Her tip was, imagine a blind, pull it down over the flashback and have a lovely memory ready to replace it with. I’ll give it a try.
Then I chatted too two lovely ladies, one lost her husband 6 years ago and the other two and a half.
It’s good Sarah to talk to people who know how you feel. Also to know there’s no timeline to grief. Six years later and her husband’s slippers are still by the bed. I’ll do things when I’m ready she said and she was right.
Please look for a bereavement group near you, your GP may know of one. Then I want to know how you got on x
I am so glad you went you see you where not going to go , the problem i.have is i take.on everyones grief on top off my own i dont know.why but.i do i was recommened a.book to read which is about greif and how.to deal.with it.a.lovely gentleman told.me to try it i bought it and started reading it but.it.was sad.he lost.his son ,wife,daughter and he asked me the other day if i had read it and i told him it made me cry he said keep trying once you get.past wbat happened to.him he.goes.on to tell you how to deal with it i am going to try again and maybe it will help.me i am just a silly old thing aren’t i
I just don’t seem to be able to concentrate these days to read. I used to always have a book on the go. An author I loved bought out a new book, I’ve tried a few times but can’t get past the first few pages.
I avoid anything upsetting, if I get too upset I don’t sleep. I try to keep busy all day then watch or listen to something through the night. I’ve become a creature of habit, the same pillow, a hot cushion, one brandy, bed at the same time, boring history on my phone ready to play if I wake and up early so I’m shattered when I go to bed.
Tomorrow I have two of my grandchildren for the day, that should help me sleep.