Hi
Well I have been a bit brave I think ot it might be stupid but I put on my social media page to my family if any off them fancied going out for Sunday lunch this Sunday I did not put on there it’s my birthday they should all know that I am not holding my breath I think one will say why what so special about this Sunday and the other might say sorry we have other plans that’s what I am thinking I know my family very well I might as well ask a bunch of strangers to go out with me then I would have them worried that would get there attention then they would think what is going on what is she doing somebody might take advantage of her it would take that to get there attention sad is it not that families only bother with you when they think they might lose things if I made up a fictional boyfriend they would be over her in a heartbeat saying we are worried about you and I would think who has been worried about me for the past 5 yrs none of them has truth be known .
Sarah
2 Likes
Well done Sarah, I really hope they respond kindly. We have to give people a second chance sometimes.
Hi Helen 39
So far the only one is my niece that got in contact with me today she said she knows it’s hard for me and how close me and uncle Paul where she said our home was always warm and welcoming and smelt off coffee all the time and me and her uncle Paul we always so.happy it was a happy home I am glad that she got that from us all my nieces and nephews wher always welcome at our home and we loved them all very much she has booked a table.at the pub near her and I will pick up my brother and take him with me she knows that I keep.putting myself down and she keeps telling me that I am.loved my other nephew who.takes me out every second Wednesday is taking me out on the 1st April for my birthday meal at least two off them are bothered that I feel like this it is not.nice feeling like nobody loves you anymore it’s been 5yrs and in them 5yrs the only one that took me out was my nephew all the others and Paul’s family could not.be bothered well I feel.that is life now never did I think.i.would ever feel.so.unwanted in my life 
1 Like
It’s a start, well done. Go out and enjoy your lunch.
Teenagers can do and say some awful things, it’s sounds like your poor niece had problems of her own. Hopefully now you can forget the past problems you had with your brothers family.
Hi Helen
I am going on Sunday for lunch out with her and her dad i am picking her dad up.my brother as he lives near.me my other brother says they cannot do Sunday lunch with me as his wife has something planned with her 5yr old granddaughter but I could go to.bingo with them at.nightime I have had to reach out to them they never want to.reach out to.me knowing full well I am struggling myself and paul.would be married 50yrs in July that to me is such a big milestone but when I say it to.them they look at me as if I have two heads or there is something wrong with me I can and never will forget paul he was a big part of my life but this bieng on your own is the most difficult time and thing I have ever gone through we where young when we got married I was 19paul was 21 it was something that happened in them years
Sarah
Dear Sarah
Go to these things and try to have a nice time. Our husbands wouldn’t want us to spend the rest of our lives in tears. I can almost hear my husband at times telling me at times to pull myself together and get on with it.
Maybe try to keep the conversation light, I’m not saying don’t mention Paul of course you should. I think some people find it difficult to deal with our grief and that’s why they disappear from our lives. Time to build bridges.
I know that feeling. xoxo
Hi sassy chic ,having read your post it’s so sad that your family are letting you down in this way. I hope they come through for you. Maybe you need to try a few social groups close by ,people of a similar age or circumstance and make friendships that way as it seems your family dont support you . Little steps at a time ,but it’s such a shame to be lonely and not have support at all. Just try a few things and maybe one will be a good fit. Wishing you all the best. I hope your family do realise they need to give more support to you. Tell them how you feel ,maybe they dont realise how lonely this widowhood can be.
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Hi Melinda
Oh yes my family realise how lonely I am and I am not coping if I went out into this world and join some groups they would still not be happy because they would think what is that person after off her we need to keep an eye on her I I also.have trust issues 
so I just think stay at home sarah do not go out I do try but I feel thus is just getting worse for.me I am actually scared to go out and try to.make friends as they would need to know what I was doing I could never ever imagine finding a male companion they would not be happy at all that is just how it is i might as well.have gone with paul then that would be it
Sarah 
Agreed. My family aren’t able to support me for one reason or another, they haven’t been for a long time but it took having a break down in 2013 to register the full extent of that.
I’m glad before my battle with grief I managed my grief about never having the family I needed.
Thankfully Jesus found me where I was at. And I changed my focus from naval gazing to getting Counselling and going to Mission Direct. Which then I had the mission to train for it. So I’d be fit enough to do work.
The triple lock support of exercise, faith and Counselling. Moved me closer to healing and friendship. Where as before I couldn’t trust enough to sustain a friendship.
@Sweetlady Please don’t give up. There is so many people that suffer in silence alone. But there’s so many people that are stuck and desperate for connection.
Our kindred is everywhere you just need yo look. And beeswax to your family. If they can’t be there for you, you deserve a community that will.
My family assumed I joined a cult when I joined the church.
Everyone needs a little support even if it is just one good friend.
Hi wookie
I wish I could find that one tru friend someone to talk to in this lonely world someone who i could meet up with for a.coffee and maybe a meal its not a lot to ask but I am.so scared to go anywhere in my own and everything I do goes wrong I get ready to go.out and get into a.panic then talk myself out off going out I cancel.alsorrs of appointments as I get into these panics.and.cannot.get out of off it there is no meds for me as I take epilepsy meds and that stops me taking anything else
Sweetlady
Dear Sweet Lady,
Are you U.K based? And if so may I ask which town and county you live near?
I have a few people I can have tea and cake with. But I do have them. I know how important that is for my mental health.
If you’re anywhere near me and perhaps even if you’re not one day we could arrange to meet for tea.
Naturally I understand any hesitation. But if you can give me your email and a picture of you holding todays newspaper and I can do the same.
Perhaps we can arrange to meet each other one day.
Failing that pip onto your local church. As they are under strict instructions to be kind and peacable. You never know who your gonna get, but especially if you pray about it first I truly the Lord will guide your friendship/s.
He certainly has mine.
Hello all,
I just wanted to pop on with a gentle reminder about staying safe on the online community and ask you to read our staying safe page.
While it’s okay for members to arrange meet ups if they have become friends with others on the site, the purpose of the community is for anonymous grief support. Once connections are taken outside the community, we can no longer keep our members safe.
If you’d like to make new friends, here are some services to look into:
- Meet up - for meeting people with similar interests
- Hub of Hope - finding local community initiatives
- You might also want to check out the AtALoss website. It is a directory of bereavement support, including support groups. If you click this link then select your region, you can see what bereavement support is available in your area.
- The Jolly Dollies also run national support and social groups for widows - I know many of our members have found them to be really helpful.
Take care,
Seaneen
Hi wookie woman
Thank you for your kind offer but we do not live near one and other and we are not allowed to share details on hear as they are trying to.keep.is safe which i.understand I am so fed up.with people treating me as an idiot and that.i cannot.think for.myself I can make my own decisions you know I am not a stupid woman at all just a woman who.is lost.in this grief I also know nobody can change anything for me as that.is not.possible I just need a little bit of love care and.understanding not my family doing what they do it just hurts
Idiot123
Dear Sweetlady @Sweetlady
I’m glad the moderator spoke to me. Because I hadn’t realised protocol, and of anything, I think it’s pretty clear I’m the idiot for thinking of it.
But they’ve given me some useful alternative solutions for human to human friendship in the grief. So I’m going to follow their suggestions and see where it takes me.
1 Like
Hi wookie woman
I know its very easy to get into something that might be wrong but it do thank you forvthinking of me like that and saying we could go for a coffee but I live in leeds so I do not think it possible but I do thank you from the bottom of my heart I know I am havingca difficult time at the moment and there was one kind gentleman that showed me nothing but kindness that I pushed away because I let other people get into my head I don’t think he will ever speak to me again and he is so sweet
Sarah
Hi Sweet Lady, I’m sorry. Have you ever tried to reach out to him again?
Hi wookie woman
I have tried and at the moment I am waiting for his reply which I am not.looking forward to he was so.sweet and kind to me and I let someone else scare.me off him I do t think he will ever speak to me again I would not if I was him but my heart.feels so.heavy I miss our chats and I do not know what to do now I have been crying since Friday and cannot stop crying thinking I pushed the one person that showed me nothing but kindness I am awaiting his reply if I ever get it
Hopefull sweetlady
Hi Sweet Lady, I’m glad you’ve tried. It’s easy to get confused when everyone is telling you what you should do. And just acting like your a piece of glass. But ultimately part of being alive is taking risks.
He either will or he won’t but I do believe when God opens a door no one can close it. And when God closes a door no one can open it.
I hope one way or another you find happiness.
Wookie Woman
xo