Losing my husband

Losing a partner
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Hi

I got up early today was going to go out but that has all changed you see when I was 15 my grandparents brought us to Leeds from Scotland my grandad thought it would be good for my grandma as it would be a bit warmer down here and her daughter was down here to help as she had rheumatoid arthritis i was helping out when she had her bad days but he thought this would be better so I lost all my friends as they where all up in Scotland that is when all my insecurities arose I had no confidence in myself and no friends and I was struggling and I was at work so I found it very difficult then when I was 17 along came paul on a blind date and he was the most wonderful guy I feel in live straight away and so did he and I thought here is a guy that likes me for me and that was it 44yrs of the most wonderful marriage to him he gave me so much confidence in myself I felt strong around him then he passed away and then my insecurities came back I do not like myself at all iam am not the most beautiful person in the world I am fat ugly even my stepmum keeps telling me to lose weight I tyre to explane to them it’s my ceoliacs disease that makes me put weight on as it can do that to some people my gp told me that they dont belive me so my Insecurities come flooding back about how ugly and fat I am so why would I want to go out there into that big wotlrld with people looking at me thinking she is fat ugly and old who wants that nobody so I stay at home where nobody can see me my niece said to me stop saying things like that you are a good person but I do not think so at all I had the love of my live that was paul now he is gone there will never be another man for me there just won’t be another paul who likes me for me that is my life in a nutshell

Sarah :face_holding_back_tears::face_holding_back_tears::face_holding_back_tears::face_holding_back_tears:

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Please don’t feel like that about yourself. You sound like you are a beautiful person inside and out. I’m struggling at the moment, only 2 months into this nightmare, I cry all the time, hide away :broken_heart:. Listening to the lovely people on here really helps me, I’m trying to get out just for short walks when I can. I hope you manage to get out today or do something that helps you feel good about your, because you are worth that, be kind to yourself :heart: :heart: please. X

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Hi lj.g

I cannot feel any better about myself i went to see my physio to be told I have arthritis in my back and there is no pain relief for me because oh epilepsy and heart meds I said to him if there is an injection you can give me to let me go now then please then give it to me there is nothing left here for me now I might as well put myself down about bieng ugly and fat before anyone else does it then I cannot feel any worse than I already do about myself I half very low esteem and no confidence in myself men in this world are cruel and I have had that said to.me which makes it even harder they dont see the kind caring living person that gives her all

Sarah :broken_heart: :broken_heart: :broken_heart:

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Hi, I think you are very depressed. You have such low self esteem. There are many people who aren’t great to look at. I know I’m one too. Fat , big nose, plain really. Don’t forget you had the love of a good many for many years. Be proud you were so loved.
You are lonely and keeping yourself away from people won’t help. Do you have any hobbies or crafts. Are there any groups locally you could join that you are interested in.
People may see the outward vision of you first but it’s the person in side they need to know and that will only happen if you try and socialise. :two_hearts:

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