My day cannot get.any worse than it already is i have turned the sound down on my phone well on silent I cannot take.anymore of this day and it’s only 2pm I want to get away from everything everybody and I might just do that on Thursday why Thursday well my nephew taking me out for a meal and I have 24hrs to sort.myself out calm myself down and paint a face on that.tells him auntie sadie is OK nothing wrong here I am dreading it I absolutely hate myself I am here instead of paul and I hate.what I.have.become I thought I could do.all of this well I can’t I don’t want my family to worry about.me well not really my own family so I might as well just get in my car.and drive wherever no place to go no.friends I can talk to I have nothing I had nothing the minute paul passed away and I knew that i sit here everyday and it’s the same thing I talk to myself like a mad old lady that.i have become I got.told by others go.out.and make friends do you have any idea what it is like for me thus scared and frightened old person who has here own health problems which I never wanted people say to me go for a walk I say do.you want the pain i have in my back no.you dont I have fibromyalgia which has made my back cease up and now I have arthritis in it as well no pain relief for.me as of my heart meds and epilepsy meds welcome to.my miserable world I might as well be with paul as who wants me and old lady with all these problems god I would run a mile myself from all of that so.know you know how I feel it’s horrible I just never gave it.another thought about what my life would be like after paul well it’s none existent nobody wants or even needs me anymore so come on let me go let.me be with paul I am not built to be here on my own I never was even my own.mother never wanted me and my dad took me to his parents and they brought me up why would my own mother not want me I was 6wks old I needed her but no she did not want me so my dad thought I and him would be better off with his parents I was loved by them but not the same as having a mother’s love what did I do so.wrong all I did was be born I wish she had never had me then I would not.be here and in this much pain so.i.wish I could.go now I want to.and I feel.i need too go nobody wants or.needs me so why leave me here please tell me why sorry for such a miserable message but it’s how I feel.i am turning off my mobile phone so.as the little amount.off people that no me cannot contact me and I mean small amount off people
Blooming heck Sarah what a post, you certainly got that off your chest. I’m sorry I didn’t see it before, I don’t know why I sometimes miss them.
I hope today is a better day. Sunday was a better day wasn’t it? And tomorrow your out for lunch? We have to try and focus on the good bits, I know it’s hard (impossible at times) but we have to go on.
As someone on another post said, your living for Paul too now.
I feel this is the.only place I can get it off my chest there is so much to.say and I need to say it it was today i went out with my nephew it’s always a Wednesday we had a lovely meal and I got a free bottle of wine i do not like wine but.i.took it graciously as my grandma would have taught me to be polite so I was it was nice of the pub to give me that but now I am back home its the loniness that creeps back in and that’s when I cry and wish he was here it is no good wishing g as it.is never going to happen so I just let the tears flow maybe someday someone will understand this feeling
Bless you, Sarah. My thoughts are with you. I am so sorry to hear how you have been and I do hope you do have a nice meal with your nephew. As Helen said we have to try to focus on the good times, as hard as that is sometimes….Take care. Matt x
Thank you I did have a nice meal with him it was today my head is all over the place it’s always been a wenesday I do enjoy my time with him he is one special lad and we are very close more closer than auntie and nephew there is a reason for that but I just cannot say to anyone , anyway I got given a bottle of wine for free my birthday treat.from the pub i do not like wine but I took it graciously and thanked.them but when my nephew drops me off then I get upset the tears return as I know the house is empty but that’s just me thank you for your.kind words they are appreciated
It’s so nice to realise that I am not alone, in this horrible situation. My wonderful husband of al most 60 years passed just before Christmas. I am completely devastated, just don’t know what to do next. My friends are so good , they have left me alone since, but now they say it’s time to go out a little, I’m just not to sure. I would rather stay in and be close to John.i am angry that h3 has left me but i am told it’s part of the grieving. Sorry to go on , but I must start somewhere.
Hi @Charlay You are not going on, we have all suffered losses here and can understand what you are going through in a way that others cannot, who have not had to deal with these horrible situations. It is such a nice group of people on this site and someone will always be there to talk to you. Take care. Matt x
It is all part of the grieving process I was angry at the hospital that paul was in I lost paul 5yrs,ago and I am still angry with them so you are not alone in that you are lucky you have friends but instead of leaving you alone they could have helped you and now they think it’s time for you to go back out there well you are still grieving like all of us on here and when you are ready you will make that decision yourself you are new to this give yourself time to get over the shock of losing the man you loved so deeply we all do that and it takes time come on here and put your thoughts on here there is some kind people on hear belive me I am always hear for a chat if needed I have good days and bad days and I know tomorrow is going to be bad as I go to wheatfilds to talk to a lovely girl all about how I feel and I always feel worse when I come out of there but that’s me so take care of yourself and try to be kind to yourself
Sorry I have only just seen your post. Welcome to this wonderful group that none us wanted to join.
My husband died over 8 months ago now and this group has been amazing. There are so many knowledgeable, kind people here that will help answer questions or just be here to you can rant (we all do it)
Going anywhere without our wonderful partners is hard. Chose the right people and a place you think you will be comfortable in to try first. I went to the cinema with my sister and friend and slept through most of it. Your allowed to do what feels right for you but only when your ready x
Your grief is still early, I m a couple of months further on than you. I lost my partner of forty years suddenly. I find it difficult going out with friends and family as I’m still thinking of him all the time. There are so many triggers for our memories. I find it difficult to focus on conversation sometimes. Perhaps consider going out for a meal rather than somewhere with a party atmosphere, go to a gym, swimming, walking etc if you are able. It’s difficult I know, hopefully in time it gets easier. Take care
