Hi
I am having a bad time at the moment missing paul that’s normal 
thought I could carry on without him 
well I am not doing a great job this lonely road that I find myself on is terrible I thought on this road that people would talk to me and find out how caring and giving I am but no nobody wants that I found that out the hard way my best friend of 20yrs or so I thought I rang her for the first time in 5rys of paul going as I was trying to cope on my own but I just needed someone to talk to and she just told me buy some calms go home and make a coffee and put some whisky in it and it will be ok that’s what I got after all this time of supporting her when she needed it lending money bieng there for her and what do I get I cannot even stand whisky in my coffee 
that was when I realised i am on my own and I have to learn to deal with all of this on my own and I feel I am fighting a losing battle is there no kind caring people in this world like myself anymore I feel surrounded by very selfish people .
Sweetlady
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Yes there are lots of selfish people in the world Sarah and when you go through what we are, you find out very fast who is there for you.
I don’t like to bother people as they have their own lives and I feel now like they think I should be ‘over it’, or at least coping better. It’s almost 7 months for me now and the loneliness is horrendous.
Most of my family don’t bother asking how I am, a friend who told me after Ray went, ‘please let us remain part of your life’, she still has her husband who she constantly moans about being around the house all the time and I don’t have the energy to listen to this constant whinging. When I told her I was having a hard time 2 months ago, she just said ‘oh I don’t know what to say, but if you need anything just ask’. I interpreted that as ‘I’m bored of you now’. I haven’t heard from her since then. Her loss.
I go to my counselling every month and I’ll try and figure out a way for myself to deal with this. I can’t rely on anyone now, I’m on my own.
Ray’s Mum and sister are great at checking in with me, way better than my own selfish family. Ray would be disgusted at their attitude, but wouldn’t be surprised.
I hope you can find a way forward too Sarah, it’s a horrible place to be.
Sending you a hug today 
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Hi peg2
I too don’t like to bother my family they have there own lives and that does not include me so I don’t bother them its been 5yrs and they think I should be better now and the only time they would interfere is if I found some friends especially a male friend heaven forbid they would be here then with all there questions one has a wife so has now idea what its like the other has a girlfriend so if they are allowed a life why am I not I am supposed to just sit here and wait for the invetetable to happen.
Paul’s family well they have not spoke to me since last November and he would be disgusted at them for treating me this way pauls family was always difficult to get on with they never really liked me and I dont know why I was a 17yr old girl when I met paul and fell head over heals for him and he me they tried everything they could think of to split us up his sister used my epilepsy against me and said do you really want to marry a girl with that problem but he told her yes he loved me but that did not stop them we where getting engaged in September on his birthday and our parents met his parents said they would help pay for the party but the next night paul was so quite with me that I thought they had got to him and he was going to split up with me when he finally told me what was wrong that his parents could not afford to pay anything to our party I said to him is this why you are quite and he said yes how do I tell your parents and I told him they would pay for the party it was not a problem he asked me why what did you think I was quite for and I told him I thought he was splitting up with me he hugged me and said that’s never going to happen
Our engagement party went ahead but his mother spoilt that by bieng in a bad mood she would not even look at my ring or pauls said she had seen mine the week before and we both knew that was not true as my sister had it till our party my parents where not happy with them at all
Then the wedding day came pauls sister had lent me her dress but I did not want to walk down the isle in that dress as paul had seen it before and I wanted my own dress one he had never seen , that did not go down well and I was a little late getting to the church nothing to do with me it was the driver taken his time and saying it was the bride’s perogative to be a little late but pauls sister said to him you do not have to go through with this if you don’t want to trying again on our happy day
But through all of that we did get married on that day and had a wonderful honeymoon then home at least I was near my parents and paul was happy with that as they showed him so much love 
we had 44 wonderful years together despite his family trying there hardest I loved paul with all my heart and they just never saw that they never saw how devoted I was to this guy and how devoted he was to me
Even when he had his accident and was in rehab for 3.5months I never missed a day visiting him and still working part time his sister again said to him I will leave him now and put that seed of doubt in his head 
when I got there and he told me I said to him I am going nowhere ever you are stuck with me mr so get used to it , we had a holiday booked and thought we might not be able to go but his consultant told us to pay for the holiday as they would get us our money back if there was any problem that stopped us going again the same sister told him to let me go on the holiday and he could go and stay with them again I got there and left with the fall out he told me what she had said and I told him if there is anyway that you cannot go then I do not go its both of us or we both stay here I told him he needed to stop letting here get to but she had picked his lowest moment to do all of this
But we went on holiday not on our own there was 16 in total and my dad and stepmum came as well and we had a good time and we stayed together for another 22yrs still it never made any difference to his family I was there through it all his spinal injury, his prostrate cancer which he got better from, 6 strokes , 3bouts of pneumonia and every hospital stay he.had there was me and to this day they still doubt me and I know they will never change i am not saying it does not hurt because it does to have a family like that
I am a good ,honest, genuine , truthfull, and very loving ,caring person and if they dont see that its there loss but it still hurts very much
Sarah
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@Peg2
Hi Peg2,
I completely agree with everything you’ve said.
It will be 1 year in June, since losing tne love of my life, soulmate, best and only friend in the world, who was my world.
The loneliness is horrendous and relentless, and cuts me to the core.
I’m finding each and every day a real struggle, to be honest.
As you say, it doesn’t take long for us to find out who is there for us (or more likely… not there for us).
I’m on my own, fighting daily battles alone, which is exhausting.
Even if I speak on the phone, every now and again, to 1 or 2 former colleagues, they don’t even bother to ask, how I am.
The “conversation” can begin and end with no mention of me, whatsoever.
I sit there and listen to them going on about such shallow, and insignificant, mindless and selfish c**p…
It’s brain-numbing, but what can I do if there’s no one else?
It reminds me of why we kept ourselves to ourselves.
You really get to see people for who they really are, when you find yourself in this awful and vulnerable situation.
Sadly, people don’t understand, care, or can be bothered.
We’re on our own, especially when family isn’t there, or can’t be relied on.
It’s pure torture, with no end in sight.
Take care.
Eve x
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