I lost my husband on the 24th July. His funeral was last Tuesday.
Mart had a short fight with a particular nasty cancer.
I am not sleeping, not hungry, feel wiped out. Obviously upset but also angry, guilty, so so so much regret and I miss him something crazy. He was only 43, that is no age at all.
His older brother died at 44 with cancer 5 years ago, his mum died of cancer 20 years ago aged 42, with this family history why didn’t I see it coming sooner?
The first lump appeared on his neck and we went straight to the doctor, he was given antibiotics. 2 weeks later with more lumps on his neck, armpits and groin we went to hospital. He was also in agony with stomach pain. I wasn’t allowed in. The Doctor this time said it could be something to do with his Spleen and the lumps might be an infection. He sent Mart home telling him to take paracetamol.
A week later I rang an ambulance as he was in so much pain. This time he stayed in hospital and never came out. He spent 3 weeks in hospital. They found a tumour in his stomach. By the time results were starting to come in, it was too late.
He died with me and his daughter holding his hands.
We were together nearly 15 years. We had to work hard at our marriage we had our share of ups and downs but by Christ I feel I have lost half of me. It hurts. I mean its actually physical pain I am in. How do ypu keep on going when the person you love most in the world isn’t here?
Hi Katemart, I’m so so sorry for the loss of your husband, I can fully understand the feelings you are having, I went through the same when my husband died of pancreatic cancer, he was a really fit man and suddenly he wasn’t there anymore, it’s so difficult to cope with, all I did was take a day at a time and gradually things got a little better, but even now, I still miss him so much, all I can say is that what you are feeling is normal, you did everything you could for him and you were with him him at the end, sending you love, Jude xx
Thank you Jude.
When does it stop hurting so bad? When will I be able to sleep a peaceful night again?
I wish I could give you an answer to that, all I can say it gradually gets better, but I found that keeping myself really busy during the day, stopped me thinking so much and also made me sleep better, I tried a couple of apps for relaxation which did help, but even now I don’t sleep that well, it’s something I’ve got used to. Sorry there is no quick fix xx
Hi Katemart
Must agree with Jude, there is no quick fix or timescale and I also found keeping myself busy did help me to get through the day and then sleep. When I can’t sleep I switch on the TV in bedroom and as the programmes are so boring at that time of the night I usually go back to sleep again. I still can’t lie awake in the dark. Sorry can’t be more help. I am not going to say time heals but it does give you time to become accustomed to your new life.
xxx