Losing my husband

Hi Mazza firstly don’t blame yourself the fact that you couldn’t be with him at the end , he will understand that .This has been the situation for so many people .
The house you both worked for is your to continue making memories in ( that’s what I’m trying to do) .
I like everyone else on this site knows and understand how you are feeling as we have all gone through it or still going through it as for how long will it last. There is no time limit on grieving you take all the time you need and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise .
What makes it even harder at the moment is that we can’t meet with friends which at this time is what we all need .
This gave me the idea to put a post up about seeing who lives local to you and after covid make plans to meet up for a coffee , a walk or a chat as we are the best people to give each other advice and comfort my post is called just an idea it a way of making friends and we all need that and I don’t think we can have too many
Take care stay safe and keep chatting we are all in this together and here for each other x x

Hello Julie
Thanks for your reply. Yes life doesn’t always work out as we’ve planned I’m so sorry you find yourself in this awful situation aswell It’s so much worse than I could ever have thought possible If I’d ever thought about losing a husband or partner I would have thought you felt sad and then as time went on you got over it but it doesn’t work like that and you have to experience it yourself to know that It’s exhausting The sadness and loneliness with you all the time and so many regrets about what the future couldhave been if things had been different
Life goes on for other people but never in the same way for us I often wonder what the point was for it all to have happened I look around and see signs of Spring on it’s way another year starting up again and think why did my husband have to get ill and die last year because it hasn’t stopped life going on in other ways and now I’m on my ownHard to explain We have to try to be strong for each other and sharing our feelings here as only we can truly understand each other
Thinking of you take care
Christine x


Hi Kazzer. Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I feel so lonely without Paul. We only had one son, he lives with me but spends most time in his room, he deals with his grief differently. We don’t have any close family, my brother is battling early onset dementia and was divorced by his wife, she and the children don’t speak to us. I feel so alone and feel like I have no future without Paul. It’s early days, but time won’t make me less lonely.

Your idea about connecting people is great. How long have you been on your own? How are you dealing with your loss?

ChristineM I read your reply to Julie. You wrote what I am thinking. Our grief goes on but people think we should get over it in a few weeks, we grieve for our partner and the loss of the life we had together. You are right about other people’s lives going on, everywhere I look there are families and couples enjoying their lives and I don’t feel like I have a life any more.

I have a son, he lives with me but is always in his room, I have no other family. I have a few friends but I feel so lonely and hate being alone. Life with Paul was so lovely, we’d been married 34 years and we were so comfortable together., I never felt alone. That life has now gone and now I just exist.

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Kazzer. I can’t find ‘just an idea’ where do I find it?

Kazzer Where do I find ‘Just an idea’. I can’t find it.

Hi Mazza I agree with all you say
Like yourself I feel like I’m just existing We were married 43 years and together 45.most of my life and this life now is not the one I want It’ll never be the same and even if there are moments when I smile and feel happy it’s not the same happiness because he’s not here with me to share it and I’m still on my own I have a family who live a distance away and they have there own lives aswell and friends tend to think I’m ok the more time goes on Like yourself it was so good to be comfortable with each other just to have that special person in your life who loved you whatever.it’s so hard to keep going for their sakes but I guess that’s our only option
Best wishes
Christine x

Hi Christine thank you for your reply. I have decided weekends are the worst time. I got up early this morning to feed the cats then went back to bed. There seems no point, no one to get up for and nowhere to go. Paul and I spent weekends together, it might have only been a trip to the supermarket or a walk but now there’s no one to do those things with.

Our futures have been cruelly taken away from us. It is February and I am already worrying about being alone at Christmas. Life is very unfair! How long is it since your husband passed away? Are you feeling any better?

Hi Mazza it’s 10 months since my husband died last April and I feel worse now The months last year sped over in a blur of exhausting emotions
I didn’t remember his birthday or our wedding anniversary I don’t remember phoning family up to tell them he’d died It’s all hitting me now This year I suppose with the lockdown again and the winter it’s made it all worse Like yourself I can’t see any point in the day as no one is here to see what I do or not do
I’ve started getting up later then trying to go for a walk in the afternoon just to break up the day
I’ll plod on the best I can Hopefully when the restrictions improve there will be more distractions to help get through the day
Take care
Christine x

I feel exactly the same as you, I lost my husband 6 weeks ago. He died of cardiac arrest in my arms whilst my daughter watched in horror. I do get out of bed everyday but to what??? An empty house, miserable weather and loneliness I’m functioning as a human but there’s no pleasure in being here. The house is clean , but I have no motivation beyond that. I try to walk everyday but the weather doesn’t make that easy and I’m not happy going out on my own now. My daughter has less motivation than me and I’m deeply worried about her too , as she doesn’t seem to be coping with the loss at all well. She’s also lost her job on top of losing her dad ( she worked at topshop) she’s only just turned 24 abs us totally lost without her dad by her side. We are a close little family unit abs it’s been turn apart and I’m no use to get at all right now. She doesn’t get up til late afternoon and then just sits in the sofa. Had she had her job to go back to after lockdown her topshop family would have given her strength to get through this but she’s lost that now too. I know she’ll find another job but right now she’s not up to that task. I can’t help myself right now let alone her. I just feel I don’t want to be here anymore the pain is so overwhelming all the time

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Hi Christine.
I am so sorry to hear you are feeling worse.I think at the beginning we are numb and just don’t feel the pain. Hopefully the warmer weather and longer days will help a little. I feel heartbroken and not functioning well, other than the basics like getting up, showered and dressed and microwaving something from the freezer to eat, I don’t really do anything. I took comfort from thinking time would make me feel better but now I am not so sure.
Where are you Christine? I am in Brentwood, Essex

Hi Mazza I live in Cramlington a town near Newcastle a long way from yourself
Just come in from my walk. Like yourself I think longer brighter days can only help I have large garden to look after so that’ll be a distraction
Just seem to be on a downward dip at moment
I’ve signed up for sue Ryder counselling on this site I’ve put my name onto the waiting list then you have to beto be assessed to see if it’s suitable for you I’ll see what happens with that
How are you doing today ?
Christine x

I was so sad to read your story. You lost your husband in a very traumatic way. Like you, I worry about my son, he is 27 and doesn’t seem to be coping well. I think I may arrange for him to see a counsellor s ok he can get things off his chest.

You and your daughter can only be there for each other. Do you have any other children?

Please take care of yourselves.

No she’s my only daughter. She phoned cruse early on abs thryvyojx her it was too early for counselling, which I was very surprised and it’s put us both off calling again. It’s just so hard to know what to do. How she deals with this will affect her for the rest her life

Hi Christine.
Thank you for your reply. My friend’s daughter has just moved up to Newcastle and bought a flat in West Jesmond.

People say time is a great healer but not sure. Life will never be as good now our partners have gone, time won’t change that.

Hi Mazza Iv been on my own for almost 6 months . I had some very dark days in the early days , my kids and grandkids kids helped me through that. Me and rob had been married 33 years and together for 34 years . I have never been on my own and we did as much as possible together as we both worked shift we made out time off quality time .
Rob was taken very suddenly not been ill or anything so it was a massive shock to us . I have one daughter and one son they have both left home so I’m in my own .
Please keep chatting and I’m always here for you anytime as is everyone in this site I have taken a lot of comfort from here over the last five months .
Take care Karen x

Mazza I’m sorry I don’t know how to help you find the “ just an idea” post I just click on my initial at the top of the page and it brings a list up but I’m sure if you go to the list of posts it should be there somewhere I’m sorry I can’t help you find it . Karen x x

I think the just an idea topic is here

Dear Mazda. I’m so sorry to read your post but I do understand your pain snd loneliness I lost my husband on 1/1/21 he went yo bed shivering and suspected covid and he died in his sleep I was so In Shock I’m sure my hair has fallen out abit. Like you I find it so difficult snd days can be a blur especially through covid snd no visitors or support. I can only hope the pain we feel now will eventually ease but I know how you feel I don’t think there is a quick fix I’m sad to say I suppose it shows the strength of your love. I wish you strength to get through the pain. When u are feeling lonely know you are not alone.

Thank you for for your message. Your husband’s death must have been traumatic for you. I do hope you are getting some support from your friends or family even if they can’t visit you at this time.

I feel lonely all the time without Paul. We have the funeral on Thursday, it will be tough

Marion xx

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