Losing my husband

I’m only recently bereaved and am struggling with coping on a daily basis. My friends tell me how well I am doing but I feel like I’m in a dream. My husband only lived for 3 weeks after his cancer diagnosis, I am lost and frightened and not sure how to get through this. Just concentrating on getting out of bed in a morning then getting through the day.

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Oh Poppy it is really early days for you, and you will struggle.
But thats perfectly normal.
I’m 12 weeks in now and still struggle. But I am starting to take smalll steps
Please don’t expect too much of yourself. This horrendous grief journey is like a rollercoaster of emotions and is going to take some time.
Please keep posting on here. You’ll find people here who really understand, because we are all going through it.

Sending love and big hugs to you x x

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Hi @POPPY54
I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband - it will be all so raw at the moment.
It’s so hard to try and hold everything together after such a big loss, especially when you don’t have much time to process what is happening.
My husband also had little time between diagnosis and him passing and 2 months on I am still trying to come to terms with all those emotions from that awful time where things were just spiralling out of control.
There are many others on this site who understand what you are going through and can offer support and guidance.
Just one day at a time for the moment.
Sending hugs and strength to you. X

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Hi @POPPY54
Its a month tomorrow for me… losing my Nick. Im still struggling. The funeral was 16th May.
I know that every day is the same… get up… hoping that id had any sleep, the night before.
We have 3 dogs so i have to get up or i probably wouldn’t.
Feed the dogs and let them out. Then just sit like a zombie staring into space.
Finally get dressed and walk the dogs.
If someone walks them with me its not so bad. Solo walking kills me. Its what Nick and i did all the time, especially in nice weather. So i usually cry behind sunglasses.
I dont really get on with Nicks very small family, Aunty, brother, cousin.
The will is getting sorted from Monday.
Im executor and his aunty is.
Im dreading it. Nick has left everything to me, so the trouble will begin.
I need a hug from Nick to tell me everything is going to be ok :sleepy:
For 10yrs Nick knew he had a brain tumour. It was controlled with chemotherapy tablets and seizure medication.
His family was not there for him at all.
But, me and my family were.

Ive been so strong. Nick went into hospital at xmas… inflammation on his brain pushing his tumour. After 15 cycles of chemotherapy his body couldn’t take anymore.
He came home 6th January and i looked after him.
He deteriorated on a weekly basis and 13th march went into a nursing home. I went every day, all day and fed him. That was the least i could do.
Nick got a urine infection and stopped eating and drinking. I was begging him to eat but he gave up and passed away with me by his side 20th April.

Im so lost without him. We did everything together.
Im not me anymore :sob: people either walk on the other side of the road to avoid me or they look at me with pity.

Im grieving and ill probably have the biggest fight with his family.
Nick and i were together for 12yrs… i also knew him in secondary school.
But, we got married 15th January, so were only married 3 months.
I feel robbed of the man i loved and the future we were supposed to have.
We had so many plans.

I dont feel strong anymore :pensive: i feel weak, sad and broken.

Looking on this site helps. People are going through the same thing.
But in real life i feel really alone.
Filling my days is difficult :sleepy:
My 2 children are grown up and living their own lives. We have no grandchildren.
I feel like ive died :broken_heart: we are only 54… still lots of living in us. Nick was my soul mate.
Id been let down in the past by men.
Nick restored my faith.

BIG HUGS @POPPY54 xxx

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Thank you for reaching out to me, this is the worst pain in the world and only someone who has experienced it can understand. Hope you can get something positive from this support group, it’s good that we can talk about our feelings. Sending you a big hug ,and thanks again xx

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Thank you for reaching out to me, I hope I can find something to help me though this awful time, glad I joined the Sue Ryder support group. I will see what today brings, it’s another day to get through. Thanks again x

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@POPPY54 I am so sorry for your loss. My husband also had pancreatic cancer, but by the time he was duagnosed it had spread everywhere, and it was too late. He died 2 weeks after diagnosis.

I am just 4 months into this journey. It does get better, but my advice would be to do what you feel able to. Dont pressure yourself. Come on here anytime, so many of us are in a similar position. Sending hugs xx

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This pain is awful and really can only be understood by those who have been through it.
Which at times makes me feel so lonely also.
I wish I didn’t have this life at only 52 but am trying to remember the many good times we had and pray it gets easier for us all some day.
Sending hugs xxx

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I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my Phil 8 months ago, but we had a 10 month period before that following his ruptured aortic artery, the repair and all side effects of surgery such as stroke, heart failure and discovery of shadow on the kidney. He fought really hard for 9 months but that last month was dreadful, ending up in the hospice where he passed peacefully. I too have a dog that is my rock, getting me through the many sad times that come out of the blue. You just keep going every day and slowly life will have meaning again.

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I am the same I wish I didn’t have this life at 56! Being without my husband the thought of 30+ more years without him , he had a sudden heart attack so no warning , my only comfort was I was there and he passed out before he took it, so I know he knew nothing about it or the two days that followed in iCU , but I know ! At least it was him before me, cos I love him so much I would just hate for him to feel the way I do now 6weeks in

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Grief is hell, so much love & then so much pain. :cry:

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Hi @PaulineM1 I read your profile and see that your husband died in 2017. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Does this horrendous feeling of loss get any better? It is just over two years for me and I don’t feel any different. I miss him being around and hate to think that I will never feel any different.X

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Hi loo I remember u, i haven’t got over my husband dying, u get good days then bad days.
I find it very hard being with out him. & the loneliness is the killer.

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My husband Phil died 10 months ago. I miss him always day and night, think of him constantly of course. Last night I awoken at 5sm after a vivid dream where my aunt and uncle walked in my back door followed by my husband! For a brief moment I was hugging him tightly once again, unable to comprehend the situation. This is the first time he has appeared in my dream so vividly, so I have to believe he was reaching out from the other side. Then if course I woke up and it was the dog snuggled up to me on the bed and I got angry at Philip all over again for leaving us all. Grief is so unpredictable. His funeral was well attended but only a handful of the congregation have kept In touch - it’s shown me who my true friends and family are :two_hearts:

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