Losing my husband

Just over a year ago my husband was diagnosed with cancer. We thought he had beaten it in July but it returned this year & took him away so quickly
Although he was told there was no treatment & probably only had months we wanted to be positive - lots of people are told this but they make the most of what they have left
He became very ill very quickly & spent most of the last 2 months in & out of hospital
Coming home to an empty house became the norm so I feel i haven’t accepted he’s never coming back
I have children & grandchildren close by so they make sure they are around most days but nights are hard
All that goes around in my head is the fact I didn’t stay with him enough in hospital. I was able to visit twice a day and every day but he still felt so alone calling me on the phone all the time asking me to take him home
I feel I had the easy option - I could still do normal things with family. He didn’t have that
I didn’t make it to the hospital in time as he slipped away- I will never forget that

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I’m so sorry for your loss @Crissy61

Please don’t beat yourself up. You did the best you could.
Unfortunately part of grieving is guilt. Believe me I’ve been there.
You are just starting on this horrendous journey, but by coming on this site you will find you are not alone, and there will always be someone here to listen to you, and support you.
We all understand. We are all going through the same heartbreak

Sending love and hugs
X

Chrissy61 so very sorry for your loss.

I agree with Liro, guilt is part of the grieving process. I lost my partner suddenly 10 weeks ago. I have spent many nights thinking I should have administered cpr longer/ better. Did I miss signs that he was ill? In reality had he been on an operating table when it happened, it would have been unlikely that they could have saved him.
You visited your husband every day and although he wanted to come home he probably wasn’t allowed.
I have heard that sometimes people slip away when you are not there to save you the pain, which is wonderful act of love on their part.
Please be kind to yourself and keep posting. This site has been a lifeline for me and everyone understands your anxiety and grief.

Sending love and strength xx

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Crissy61

First of all I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in April, he had cancer for years but this past November he had no more options. He kept going so it felt like I had more time. He passed away at home but I still feel guilty. I feel like bi should have done more, said more. It’s never easy and everyone’s journey is a bit different.

I miss him so much and don’t feel like I can talk to friends or family when feeling really down like I am now. They always want to try and cheer me up but noone can say anything.

Keep sharing here as it does help to read others that understand.

Xx

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I see friends & they ask how I am & I suppose to them I seem fine. I’m going out & seeing people
But I don’t share my saddest thoughts with them

I know people lose loved ones much younger than my husband- he was 65
Like everyone we thought we would enjoy a long & happy retirement travelling & spending holidays with family
We have been together since I was 16
I dont want to be on my own

I completely understand. We have been cheated out of our hopes and dreams -a long and happy retirement, staying healthy, travelling and just growing old together xx

I have also cried a lot of tears feeling guilty that my attempts at 15 minutes of CPR were not good enough. And that I should not have insisted that they kept him on life support for almost 3 weeks. He also slipped away when I was not there. But I also know that I did all I could for as long as I felt that there was a chance that he would survive.
I truly believe that no matter the circumstances we all feel guilty and find a reason to punish ourselves, as if being bereaved is not enough to bear.
You did your best, nobody can do more than that.
A big hug from me. Xx

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