Hi everyone.
Im really struggling at the moment, I lost my husband end of May this year.
We were together 32 years and im absolutely devastated.
Myself and our daughter found him on the floor in the kitchen which is hard to come to terms with.
I’ve been to see my GP but not much support really so i thought id try this group.
Since his funeral in July none of our friends or even some family members haven’t been in touch which im finding that hard to deal with, I feel so guilty with what happened but i know it’s part of the grieving process.
It’s such a lonely place, I try to be strong in front of our children as they are grieving too.
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Hello beps and I’m so sorry you have had to join us on this terrible journey… it is indeed a lonely place. The void left behind is immense and the depth of the loss can be a surprise because every aspect of what was once your life has changed forever. My adult daughter lives with me too and I try to limit just how much of how I’m really feeling she is privvy to because she finds it too upsetting. That then becomes a vicious circle as I worry about her. If your friends and family are not particularly supportive, have you thought about any other support groups you could join? Macmillan and st Barnabas have been very helpful for me. Everyone on this site will understand how you are feeling, if you read some of the posts, you will very quickly see that we get it, you don’t have to sugar coat anything, we understand totally. My husband died in my arms in my bed in April this year. I re-live so much in my minds eye. It must be difficult to have found your husband on the floor but you will have nothing to feel guilty about. Our grief can take us to some dark places but, in time, you will learn to cope with it and to live with it, without the pain being quite so raw… sending hugs, Jo
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Hi, thanks for replying to my post… I’m so sorry for your loss too that must have been so difficult and upsetting for you also.
I hope you’re daughter will be able to find comfort in some way too.
My daughter doesn’t actually live with me she has her own family now!
I find the evenings more hard to deal with especially now as the house im in wasn’t actually where we found my husband, the house was already sold before he passed but was so looking forward to moving and I just feel like I’ve left him behind (it’s seems silly i know but I new he would want me to carry on with it).
I haven’t tried any other sort of support as yet but I might give it a go.
It’s just nice to talk to someone who’s going through the same thing without people saying it’s been 6 months you should be coping now!
Thankyou again and I hope you and your family find some sort of comfort.
Sending hugs your way.
Bev x
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Bev, I know what you mean about the evenings!! It was a standing joke in our house that the remote control for the TV was glued to Derek’s hand! Now, 6.5 months in, and I can’t decide what to watch, I have only myself to please most of the time, but I just can’t choose…I’ve woken up some mornings and for a split second, I’ve forgotten my nightmare and I reach out for him, then I remember, he’s not there, it’s still quite surreal, even how…
For me, the inability to sleep as I used to, in addition to being lonely, are the two worst aspects of my new ‘normal’…
My daughter and I clash sometimes, but we only have each other now but I think that’s what will see me through.
Maybe it’s the same for you? Your daughter will be your lifeline.
You do need to be kind to yourself though, sleep when you can, eat little and often but keep hydrated . …and keep writing on here, someone will respond and they will understand! Jo x
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Yes I’m practically the same as you really with everything you’ve said.
I don’t even want to leave the house as I’ve brought all his belongings with me.
My daughter has been amazing and so has her brother but he’s in the Navy so doesn’t get home much really.
I haven’t slept since Paul’s passing but i do try and eat if I don’t forget that is.
My daughter and myself went to see a Psychic a couple of weeks ago I was blown away with what she was saying, I just don’t know how she new such personal stuff about our lifetime together… it did give me some sort of comfort I suppose but freaked me out also. I really appreciate you chatting it means so much 
Bev x
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I saw a medium about 8 weeks ago and what she said was of comfort and allowed me to continue to hope, if you know what I mean. Clairvoyants have always intrigued me but since I lost Derek I have seen two and had my tarot cards done too!
I had a bad week last week and really dipped, I think it’s the time of year, today, 28th October, would have been my 35th wedding anniversary. We were together for 39 years. I’m trying to be practical about Christmas too but it’s so difficult when you’ve lost the one person you did simply everything with. His birthday was new years eve. The day before Derek was told they suspected lung cancer, one of our dogs died of bone cancer. We still had a dog, a whippet who is crazy and can’t always be bothered to go for a walk. I rescued another dog in June this year and she is the reason, I think, that I bother to get up every day, she needs to be walked and is my responsibility and I know she has really helped me so far. I’m glad that our chats are helping, I know when I first joined this site that it certainly was helpful to know someone understood and I was ‘normal’ in my grief. We are all suffering in different ways but all on the same sad journey… Jo
Beps, I am so sorry that you have lost your husband and that you and your daughter had to find him on the floor. It is just horrible. Me too. September 24. I can’t think about that day, it is mostly a blur.
You didn’t leave him behind when you moved. He lives in your heart and in your memories.
Friends and family don’t know what to say and since we pretty much have the same story to tell over and over again, they really do get tired of hearing it. They are human and unless they have been in these shoes, they don’t get it at all.
When the funeral was over, they all returned to their normal lives. We had no normal to which we could return. And here we are - a new and not wonderful normal - alone, sad and numb. We are no fun whatsoever.
Six months is about 1/3 of the way to being in a different mental place. You’ll get there.
Much love.
Much love.
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Good morning Jo,
Im glad the physic gave you some sort of comfort.
Im going to see a claryvonant i think and compare them.
You’re wedding anniversary is my birthday so im having a sad day also but im sure we will be strong and get through the day.
Yes having a pet is very comforting and I love whippets, we used to have a lurcher and my goodness she run so fast.
Im glad I’ve joined the group too. Bevx
Hi Peaches, thanks so much for reaching out to me.
Im sorry for your loss too.
I am probably being negative about family and friends but I just thought I would have some sort of support from them… it is what it is I suppose.
Yes I have him in my heart and memories and just wish he was still with me like you do.
I hope i do get to a positive place but I suppose it’s going to take some time.
Sending love back right back at you x
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I really do know what your going through, I found my husband on 5th October dead on bathroom floor, I had to try CPR on him till the medics arrived, they tried for 30minutes but I knew he was gone. I’ve been numb for weeks. Funeral tomorrow. My daughter has been a great support to me but she has her own family and can’t come over too much. I’m so lonely, I don’t have a lot of friends where I live and very disappointed that his best friends have only put a card thru the door and didn’t knock the door to speak to me. I’ve got friends from down south coming up for the funeral tomorrow and they are popping into see me but so disappointed in everyone else. We got to the stage in house that we have done everything we needed to do but I found myself looking at maybe a wee flat back home where my friends live, starting a new chapter in my life. It will take me a long time to clear his garage out but I know he would be glad I’m doing somthing that will help me get thru this. Are neighbours and people scared to come near us, I don’t know anymore.? I’m not rushing into anything, but wudnt it be nice to just meet up with people that have been thru this . This website is a godsend for me. It’s good to reach out. Take care x
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So sorry for your loss. Its still early days don’t be so hard on yourself and just do what you feel is right.
Take care of yourself
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Hi Lizzy
Sorry for your loss😪, sounds like we have been through similar things with our husband’s passing
I hope you find strength for the funeral tomorrow 
, I found it very difficult and it was all a blur for me really 
I’ve moved into a ground floor flat as this is what was discussed before Paul’s passing… I made the right choice and just brought his belongings with me but i do feel so guilty sometimes.
You have to do whatever is right for yourself.
Xx
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