My husband died 3 weeks ago today. He collapsed in my car and sadly could not be resuscitated. I not only have his death to cope with but also the trauma of watching the attempted resuscitation by marvellous health professionals. I still feel numb and shocked. I make myself get out bed and get dressed but I want a pyjama day one day when no one is popping in. Mornings have been bad for me as its when I miss him the most, when he isnt lying beside me. Then i miss him at tea time and afterwards when his spot on the sofa is empty. Today all I have done is cry on and off. Ive missed him all day today. I had a vision of him in the garden and that made me cry. I have lots of different triggers. Ive chosen to have his funeral later rather than sooner so more people can attend. Im dreading having to leave him at the crematorium. Currently I know where he is and could if I wanted to, go to see him. The crematorium will be so final and Im expecting to be a mess all over again afterwards. I usually look after my grandchildren but havnt recently. I had my youngest grandson today and he was a nice distraction but not for long. The sadness was overwhelming as the day wore on. I just want Christmas over as quickly as possible! I know my children will be with me to keep an eye in me but I cant help feeling that I just want to be alone. I might want to go for a beach/ coastal walk weather permitting as it will be calming. Hubby’s children i think want to visit on boxing day but again I want it over asap. Im eating but not enjoying food at all. My sleep pattern is altered. I put mascara on in the morning but its washed off by tears quite quickly.
We had plans for next year and beyond which are all now scrapped. I have a complex financial situation to sort out and im not looking forward to it. My head is in the sand at the moment. I am a realist and practical so am taking things easy and one day at a time. If I feel tired or overwhelmed I sit down and stare into space! I think im grieving intermittently. When I have formalities to deal with I go into autopilot mode then crumble afterwards when im on my own.
I dont have many friends and dont know how I will navigate this new life in my own. All i see ahead is lonliness and isolation. People are around but it’s not the same as having someone close, who ‘gets you’. Someone to banter with, offload emotionally, laugh with and now cry over. This might all sound confusing but its a reflection of how im feeling. X
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Wow
.such early days ..take some deep breaths..this is massive so so much for u to cope with so basically just do the bare minimum each day..Eat sleep.rest xxx
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@Diamond1 you have written how I feel. My husband, Chris, died suddenly and unexpectedly in his sleep 4 weeks ago. I recognise the bleak devastation you describe. I don’t have friends and family around me - one son who I have insisted gets on with his life. We have shared some grieving (Chris was his stepdad - we lost his dad to dementia). But I think I prefer to be mostly on my own. We only needed each other, Chris and I, so I have no friends who I could lean on.
I will be on my own Christmas week as my son is away. I won’t be joining in with any of the madness. My son and baby grandson (17 months old) will be joining me for our own Christmas on 30/1. Baby Ben is the only person who can take me out of myself. When he last visited I surprised myself by laughing. So there is hope.
My heart breaks for you. I can offer no comfort. Like you, I am a capable, practical person and I sorted the admin side of this within a few days. To me, the fact that we’re on this forum means we are working on getting ourselves through emotionally, and we will carry on. Sending you love and compassion.
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It is 5 weeks today that I lost my husband - very quick and we tried to resuscitate him. I too feel exactly the same. I cry on and off all day I want him in his chair, I put his programmes on the tv so that I can imagine he is just in the next room. I can’t see any future it seems lost. I can’t imagine this feeling changing. I have people who come and go but they don’t know the pain and loss I feel. We buried my husband on Monday. I was going to the grave every day to talk to him but have now made my way back to London. I do a lot of thinking such as in the morning I pretend he got up before me and went downstairs.
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My heart goes out to both of you, I also went through the same thing. My husband died suddenly with no warning . The paramedics tried to resuscitate him . I also had the finances to sort out and felt overwhelmed. I was like you couldn’t take it felt . About from walking the dogs I never went out . It’s now 3 months since it happened, I no longer cry
Hugs to you both
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Sherbet10 thank you . Just walked the dog. I would occasionally do that as that my husband’s routine. I can’t imagine this pain leaving me I’m drowning in it.
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I also walked my dog today , I find the week ends hard to cope with . As that’s when me and my husband would go out together . He was the driver , I don’t drive . I miss not being able to the places . We would take ours dogs
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Sherbert10. The same for me although I do drive - I just can’t get myself out yet in the car. I was just telling my son that I leave death in paradise on in the other room so I can imagine him in there watching his programmes. I am scared of time it goes slow and doesn’t do anything to my grief. Can imagine being a year without my husband.
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I’ve not been able to go near the cars since my husband passed away . I gave one of them to my son . He gave me a lift to some shopping in it yesterday . It felt ok being in it . I am glad you have got your son to talk to . I wouldn’t have got though the last few months without out my son and daughter in law .
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Dear Diamond1,
My loss is only in its 6th week. I’m crying all the time, I talk to my husband all the time so he can hear all the news but also I share my sadness . He died suddenly of a heart attack so I had no preparation. I’m just lost . I cannot see how this will ever be ok. I am just eating a little sleeping a little and pretending to be ok for my children. I have my daughter and brother helping to sort out the finances. I am a bit younger than my husband so I had to work 1 more year before I retired and enjoyed a life with my husband. He retired a year and a bit ago so he was doing so much of the chores. I am not sure how I am functioning but I am. Take 1 hour at a time and use this forum. Sending you a hug as they always help .
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I fee for you and know exactly what you’re going through . I am 5 years older than my husband was . He hadn’t reached his retirement age . He was 64 when he died just days before his 65 birthday . He was planning his retirement. I found sorting the finances out overwhelming it’s hard enough having the grief .Without the stress of the financial stuff as well .i had my son to help me . Keep posting on here as it really dose help
Take care
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