So back in 2021 when we knew covid life was slightly easing my life began to get better, i was in a lovely relationship with my now husband… i fell pregnant in April 2021 with my beautiful baby boy… and i had a wonderful weekend booked with my mum, her partner and my husband to go to Whitley Bay for a long weekend in May of 2021. Little did i know the sadness and heartbreak that would begin that year. My mum was so excited to hear i was pregnant with my second baby, she loved my husband (he was the first ever partner she liked). I had a name from the offset Benjamin-Ronnie. Ronnie after her dad who i loved so dearly. She loved it. She wasnt well though. We werent sure what was wrong she went for multiple tests. Were seen by the ace team and nothing was detected, she pleaded with the doctors for them to help and they fobbed her off. One doctor saying she was asking for a sick note because she was knackered. Little did we know what was happening. So my mum took herself to a&e because she felt it was the only way to get help. After tests and mis diagnosis we finally found out she had the dreaded cancer… not only was it in her colon it was metastatic and spread to her liver. We believe she had it everywhere by the end. I was 22 weeks pregnant she knew we were having a boy. She was overjoyed. I found out she was terminal, from start of the diagnosis i lost my mum within 30 days. One thing i will never forget is holding her whilst she cried in my arms saying she wasnt ready, when i told her everything would be fine and she would be okay. On the 26th of August 2021 i lost my best friend, i lost my mum at the age of 59. She wasnt just my mum though she was the best grandma to my first son who really does miss her. I dont know how a 6 year old who grew up with his grandma is meant to grieve or manage. He has just turned 8. I had my second baby December of 2021. The blessing we all needed so badly. I am an only child. My mum had 7 brothers and 6 sisters, she was the youngest. I am blessed to have my aunties but i am also very alone. I now live in my mums house. I driver her car. I havent grieved yet due to being pregnant and having to sort my mums estate out, i also got married in May of 2022. So ive had lots on, i realise in some aspects i am lucky to have a house with no mortgage, ive a lovely family, a nice car, a wonderful husband, but ive lost someone so special… Im full of sadness at the moment and i just need her… it still feels very unreal to me. Im not sure what im looking for but its the first thing ive done to reach out regarding my grief… she was my everyday person and i am just so lost. To my lovely mum 31/07/1962-26/08/2021. Thanks for reading everyone x
Hi Cathk, so sorry for your loss. It’s unbearable at times. I lost my wonderful mum and best friend in January this year so still very early days. She was diagnosed with lung cancer and died 8 days later! She didn’t smoke, drink and looked after her health. She was 78 but a young 78. Loving her life. Going walking in the hills, having holidays etc. always planning her next new adventure. It’s such a massive shock. Your mum was so young too so adds a different level to the grief.
It’s the most difficult time if my life. Nothing comes close to this heartbreak. The pain is terrible. I have allowed myself to cry, get angry, scream etc. I was off work for 6 weeks so literally spent that time being a full time griever! I didn’t do anything apart from cry. I still cry everyday but can control it better. It’s now 8 and half weeks since mum died and I feel it’s becoming more normal to just feel sad all the time.
Maybe you didn’t grieve properly with all the other things in life going on. You’ve been so busy you may have suppressed the grief. Try and let the feelings flow if you can, painful as it is, I think it’s necessary to move forward. Life without our mums is scary and lonely. It’s all we’ve ever known, a life with mum.
There are lots of us on here feeling similar and understand what it’s like. It’s been a massive comfort to me. I hope it helps you too. Sending you love and thoughts. Helen xxx
Hi Helen. So sorry to hear about your mum… its a hard place to be isnt it when youre normal is just the sadness feeling. I feel i havent begun to grieve yet. Ive had so much going on and im looking after my little boy it takes its toll. Its really nice to be in a world of understanding. We will see what happens. Im hoping to just come out of this loneliness i feel. Thank you for your lovely message. I send you love and thoughts to you too Helen xxx
I can totally empathise… I lost my Mum 7 weeks ago, totally unexpected. We celebrated her 80th birthday only 2 weeks before. She went shopping, returned home and collapsed on her driveway. She died and wasn’t discovered by her neighbour until the following morning. When I rang her landline as I hadn’t heard from her, a paramedic answered and told me the devastating news. The last 7 weeks have been so hard, the most challenging of my life, but I am trying to cope because I know that’s what my Mum would want…
Hi CathK, I am very sorry for your loss of your lovely Mum. I wish there was some words of comfort I could give you to help. I too lost my Mum three years ago and to this day still feel completely lost and devastated, People told me that time is a great healer and by that I think in my experience its about managing my feelings to enable me to go on with life.
There is no timeframe or rules on how you are feeling or the best way to look to the future as everyone is different. Yes, you are very fortunate to have a lovely family however there is no compensation for the loss of your Mum.
I have over years questioned a lot in my life as Ive found that friends and family don’t really want to talk in difficult times but do when the sun is out. As a result I’ve learnt to keep my feelings to myself over time and at times when I am alone that is my time to let out my emotions. I don’t think it is a healthy way but it’s the only option I have. I am sure by what you have said that you have people around you that will be a great support so don’t be too scared to open up.
Life without your Mum will be difficult and at times overwhelming but at the minute it’s very early days and you will learn to take each day as it comes. Be kind to yourself and don’t set expectations. xx
Thank you for your lovely message and i apologise ive not replied sooner. Once posting i felt i needed some space. Im sorry to hear of the loss of your mum also. As time has passed i have found i am learning the hardship of missing out on things i used to enjoy simply because if i attempted to do them i cant enjoy. What youve said is right and i need to not be too hard on myself. Ive found your response comforting so thank you for that xx
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mum in such tragic circumstances as well. Im sure your mum would be proud of how youre managing 