Losing my mam suddenly at 21yrs old

My mam died in her sleep less than 2 days ago, although it feels like 2 weeks ago. She was my best friend. She was so loving and happy, we did everything together. We would face time almost every other day while I was at university. I would message her pictures of everything I was doing and we would always have the best chats. My dad came to my uni accommodation on Monday evening while I was just casually watching a film with a house mate. He rang me to come outside and kept saying he was sorry, then told me that Mam had passed. I ran straight back inside the house and was in shock, my house mate packed a bag for me and I got in the car. I’m still in denial that it has happened, but I’m also aware that it has. I keep thinking of the amazing memories I shared with her but those memories are quickly drowned out with knowing I will never see her again. I’ve cried so much since finding out, but I’ve also just sat there not being able to cry. My dad and brother are also in a lot of pain and we are close which is good. I also have an amazing group of friends that are supporting me the best they can. I just feel like I need someone to empathise with me because I know no other 21 year old woman that has lost their mother.

Hi Led (I know it’s not your real name :slightly_smiling_face:) .
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad suddenly on Saturday and so whilst I’m a little older than you I know exactly what you’re going through. I don’t think anything prepares you for the grief of a parent. Like me, I think it’s great you have support from your family and together we will get through this. It’s been 3 days and the pain is indescribable. However I know my dad would be fuming if he saw me in this state. I’m taking small steps every day and setting little goals. I even find sending him a message helps just telling him how I feel. I think I actually messaged him saying that he is in so much trouble when we meet again! We are all here for you!

Hi. There. The pain you are both going through is indescribable. No words I can say will cover any of it. On this site we all know what it feels like, so you have understanding friends here. Talk to your loved one. Tell them how you feel and how much you miss them, and allow emotions to come. My belief is that they hear you. When I talk to someone like you I am so aware how totally inadequate words can be. The pain goes way beyond words.

L_ed123. You are in shock, and it will take a while to get your head together.
In the midst of life we suddenly find ourselves looking at something awful. Who wouldn’t be in shock! You have support together with those who also mourn. Love one another and try and be kind to yourself. The pain is great at the moment, so give yourself time.

Ewalle. Of course your dad would be fuming. One thing that has given me comfort, (I lost my wife, not a parent), is thinking how they would want me to feel. Loss is loss no matter who it is and the pain is still great . It’s many years since I lost my parents, but I stll remember the pain.
Come back and talk whenever you want. Everyone here knows and listens.
Blessings to you both. John.

Thank you Ewalle. I’m also very sorry for your loss. Yes, family is definitely important and also remembering that grieving is normal. So if we want to cry, be angry, be happy or feel however we want to feel, it is ok! Today I cried to my dad a lot, which also helped him to open up. You’re right, the pain is indescribable and like no other. That’s a lovely idea of sending a message. I think that thinking about how your dad would be feeling, in this case ‘fuming’, is a great way to have hope! I’ve spilt my coffee numerous times (and I always have lol) so I keep thinking that my mam would be telling me off right now. Thank you and we are all here for you also.

Hi John, thank you for your reply. The shock is starting to fade slowly, which in someway I am grateful for but also scared of the pain that is yet to come. I’m taking the days hour by hour and doing what feels best for myself and my family at the moment. I know that life will carry on and eventually the pain will decrease little by little.

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