I lost my mam in late November after her brave battle with cancer, after having a clear scan in august we were devastated that 6 weeks later her cancer had spread aggressively and 2 weeks later we lost her ! I wasn’t ready I would never have been ready, I cared for her at my home alongside my dad and she passed so peacefully but I can’t process it. My dad will be moving to go and live with my brother soon and I’m dreading that, my mam died in my bedroom and I can’t face being in there but know I have to try and get some new kind of normality back. I went back to work this week on a phased return but I’ve felt guilty for being at work, doing ‘normal’ things when all I want to do is have her back, I thought I was more prepared but I feel like I’m treading water getting nowhere, totally broken 
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Hello @Trac0502, I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your mam that brings you here. It must have been a great shock to you after the clear scan, and it’s understandable that you are struggling to process it. As you go through these early days of grief, you will experience a lot of different feelings and I think many of our members will identify with your feelings of guilt doing, “normal things”.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through
Please do keep reaching out - you are not alone.
Take care,
Seaneen
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