Hi guys,im really struggling at the moment we lost my mother dec 3rd ,she had lymphoma for 13years ,she battled it over the years with 3 lots of chemo and last off tablet form, but started losing so much weight and kept getting infections every 3 weeks ,it was so cruel ,but whats haunting me and dad is her final hours of distress ,she kept saying "i dont want to go and leave you, but what can i do?over and over ,we felt so helpless ,we both nursed her to the end ,but it haunts us as we couldn’t help her in the end x we want her back so bad 
our lives are over without her x
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Hello @Nightbird,
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your mam that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Seaneen