Losing my mind

I lost my Mum Dad and Father in law 4 years this August. All to cancer

My mum was my best friend my mother a wonderful hands on grandma to my 3 small kids. We did everything together my Mum and I we were like 2 peas in a pod

Mother’s Day has just flattened me I feel like I’ve had enough of life of living I’ve just had enough I feel down depressed I’m just at the end of my sanity.

I never post I mainly observe read and cry at all the pain ur going threw

I wish we did nt have to go threw this x

I know exactly how you feel, I lost my wife 4 weeks ago. It is the numb feeling, the feeling of disbelief, the vast and uncontrollable sadness that the future has been taken from you. I wish that none of us had to go through this and I am amazes at how we all survive the day, but we do. I am totally wrecked and I was a very confident individual. No one really understands what each of us are feeling and like you I cry when I read the posts, I cry even walking back from the village, I cried last week in front of my sales team. I do take some comfort though that I am not alone, there are others like me and I believe it is not just me that is going mad.
The words might not help but you are not alone

Thank you for your reply GerardP
I wish the pain the hole the feeling of being lost would go away I feel like it gets worse as the years go by. I’m so tired of feeling sad and lost without my Mum

It’s good to cry GerardP

I’m so sorry for your loss too I wish there was a better way to get threw this but I think it’s because we loved them so much that’s why we r suffering so much now

Big hugs to you x

It is because we loved them so much and because they loved us just as much that we feel that loss. I wake every morning and see a picture of my beautiful wife, I want to see that picture as it comforts me to know how much I loved her and the memories I have of our time together. I try and think of those times and yes it’s sad but I am so very grateful of the time we had and the love she gave to me. We only had 13 years, the last 3 were a battle against cancer but we caught every step together as I never missed any appointments. It was tough but we were very close and I was thankful that I had that chance to try and make it easier for her. It’s the simple things that make me cry but as everyone says we need to be strong. They all made our lives what we have so we should enjoy that until we meet them again and we will.

Be strong when you can, cry when you need to but remember they are always with you in your heart.

Love Gerard x

Hello Gerard

How r u today

I want to say thank you.
Today for the first time I felt some calm with my grief your message bought some peace. I’m always holding onto the whys why my Mum why me why us never for once did I realise how lucky I am to have had such a wonderful loving best friend of a Mum.

So thank you for pointing that out.

I actually cried for the first time this morning after reading your message because I realised I have to let go of the whys I got to let go of feeling sorry for myself. I normally internalise my tears because I have 3 young children under the age of 9. I always want to be strong for them but crying is part of grieving.

I look forward to meeting our loved ones again 2 one day. It will be a truly wonderful day.

Your relationship and the love u shared with your wife sounds so special and so unique. The time u shared together during her illness was precious for both you and her Gerard. I’m so sorry you both went threw that. It’s that side of life I don’t like but it’s also part of living.

Anyways take good care Gerard thank u for reaching out and being there I really appreciate it

Love Anna

Thank you, I am ok. After such a short time you don’t really have good days just days when it is not as bad.
My wife and myself really loved each other, we were so close we shared everything even down to us going together to fill her car with Petrol at the filling station. I miss her dreadfully every minute of every day and yes I cry every day, more than once. But I feel her here in the house, in the garden, everywhere I go because she is always with me in my heart. We had lots of time really to discuss everything over the 13 years we were together and we agreed that whoever died first the other would read this poem at their funeral

And if I go,
while you’re still here…
Know that I live on,
vibrating to a different measure
–behind a thin veil you cannot see through.
You will not see me,
so you must have faith.
I wait for the time when we can soar together again,
–both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to its fullest.
And when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart,
…I will be there.

Keep these sentiments in your mind and your relations will always be there, yes it might make you cry, I always do. But you will never be alone.


Hi GerardP

I just wanted to thank you for posting that poem. It is beautiful and very comforting.


That poem is so beautiful
Thank u for sharing it with me Gerard

Gosh it makes u feel bad for crying for them for not living it makes u realise that they to want us to live to carry on to be happy because they r just there. Closer than we realise.

So beautiful

U had an amazing relationship Gerard so special so rare. How long ago was it when u lost ur wife x

It is, I read it every day so as to remind me that what I feel in my heart is real and that my wife will always be with me


Gerard I just realised u lost your wife 4 wks ago
I’m so so sorry Gerard
Ur loss is so fresh so new u r very strong ur wife would be so proud of you thinking of u.

It is a beautiful poem isn’t it Yvonne x

Big hugs Gerard x

I wish we didn’t have to go threw this part of life but for now we have to cope as best as we can and ride the waves of grief and reach out and help each other threw the dark days.

No not strong at all, I am emotional every bit of the day, I cry all of the time, I have an empty feeling in my tummy. I feel that the future has been stolen from us. I even started crying whilst doing a presentation to my sales team the other day. I do know that I have my beautiful wife just waiting until the day we meet again. It keeps me going.

To be honest all I really want is a big hug and for someone to say that they will take the pain away. I know that is not going to happen so I try and fill my head with happy memories

Gerard ur loss is so recent.

I hope u have lots of family and friends who r giving u lots of hugs and visiting u lots. I hope ur colleagues r looking after u.

I wish I could take away ur pain my pain everyone’s pain on here but… I’m glad this site is here because we can help each other get threw the deardful days.

Big hugs x

I have daughters but they live in various parts of the country and all have partners. My wife and myself really needed only each other and had few friends. When she became ill most disappeared and as the years rolled by we were left with very few. I feel like it is just me but it is helping to talk about it. Your comment saying how proud my Jacqui would have been did make me cry but with happiness as she was such a kind person and to have her feeling proud of me would be all I wanted xx

I couldn’t have done what u did for me after loosing my Mum after 4 wks. Jacqui would have been very very very proud of you.

I know what u mean it’s amazing how family and friends vanish in times of illness and death. That hurts a lot too. I hope the friends u do have left r there for u.

I lost my whole family everyone disappeared. My Mum was the matriarch so when she died my whole family vanished. She loved everyone so everyone grieved for her and to this day my family is still in pieces.

Life’s very very hard x

Yes my Jacqui was the glue that held everyone together, I went to work so we had the money to enjoy life. By helping you, I hope I have, I have helped myself just talking about it to someone wh9 understands what I am going through. I know it’s different for each of us but there are those feelings which are common to us all.

I will not say be strong as that is hopeless but do remember the happy times and always do things which they would have been happy for you to do. I intend to set up a charity in remembrance of Jacqui. It will be to enable scientists to transfer theoretical treatments to patient trials, we ran out of treatments. It will allow me to give back something to those who fought for her health. It will also help me to live my life in remembrance of her so that she will always be with me in my mind as well as my heart.



That’s a lovely legacy to leave in your wife’s memory. Helping others.

U helped me out a lot I’ve been crying all evening I normally bottle it up and push it away and feel crazy instead I don’t cry. I come from a strong family who dont cry and my Mums dying wish was be strong!!! Now I realise that wish was Not good.

I think that’s why I’m so teary I’m remembering the good times and no longer dwelling.

It does help to talk and it helps when u connect with someone even though our losses r so different.

I was with Jacqui every minute for the last few weeks, I slept in a chair at her side every night and we talked sometimes all night long. At the end she said to me that I was strong, you will be alright, it’s thevonly thing she got wrong. Thinking about it though I don’t know what strong really is. It just might be the ability to get up, get showered, getting dressed, eating, going to work, looking after the children, doin* the shopping, cleaning the house. Maybe that is being strong, no one thinks that we should carry on as normal. I decided t9 tell people about Jacqui and her struggle, not to upset them but to just let them know I am happy for us all to remember her. Yes it upsets me and I cry a lot, I even walked to the village on a Sunday and cried the whole way back. It’s odd though thinking about our loved ones helps as not all thoughts are bad. We can never replace them but we can be happy we knew them, we can be happy that they loved us and we had the opportunity to love them.

Very true Gerard very true we were lucky to have loved them and been loved by them. Very lucky.

Thank u for being there

Thank u for being honest about letting out the tears it’s ok to cry…