Mom and I had a very close relationship together. We are only 2 siblings, my brother who is 6 years older is living in another country.
My mom was widowed when she was 35 and my dad passed away when he was only 32 brain hemorrage i was only 3 years old at that time. Since then my relationship with her became very close we shared the same bedroom till the age 18. My mom sacrificed her life bringing us up. She was generous caring and had a big heart. It was not an easy life for her but she tried to make the best out of it. And she did. She was never selfesh. Writing this makes my heart ache even more and cannot stop crying.
After i graduated from high school she was very supportive of me and i had difficult times making a decision. Until after some time i decided to leave home and study in the US. Mom had her life with her friends and i had mine. Later i graduated and worked abroad for total of 9 years incl study.
After that i returned home and in 2007 she had a back surgery which was not up to her expectations and my relationship with her became even stronger ever since
We had our ups and downs since we were very close living under one roof. . But i loved and cared for her alot. She too even more.
Ofcourse she used the wheelchair the last 6 years of her life. And i made sure i am the one who always took care of her l, i bathed her i some times feed her because her hands were shaking a lot.
Until in Nov 20th 2021 everything changed to the worst after having since July previous to this last incident many health turbelances filled with pain which she had to go to the emergency many times but without proper diagnoses poor soul.
So in NOV 20th 2021 at age 85 and am
53 . The pain was soo much she could not bear and they discovered a thrombosis on the liver caused by an underlying tumors in the liver. It was advanced and terminal !!! I was all alone and non of the family was there to support me. So i absorbed the terrible and tormenting news all alone. And my anticipated bereavement started right there. She was admitted to hospital and for the next seventy days the journey of torture and suffering started there i stayed 24/7 with here and my experience in the hospital room and her pains i cant list here because i would need 100 pages to explain.
I feel depressed and guilty and regret for putting her through so much and not making the right decision.
Ever since i cannot get over the fact that i lost her, although her age she had a very active mind and was very witty and smart and had a say about things and was managing her own home. So her place is really empty and its very hard to be here when she is not. I miss her sooo very much. I love her and cannot imagine my life without her.
I have much more to say but i dont have the energy to write even more.