Hi everyone. I am new to the group and just feel like I need to offload to people I don’t know.
I lost my mom unexpectedly on Saturday 19th August. She was 69 and had no medical issues so this has come as a complete shock to me and the family. I found her in her home after checking on her as she comes to ours every Saturday to see us but didn’t show. It was horrendous finding her how I did.
She was a single parent with me being her only child, so it was just me and her against the world, before I settled down and gave her two grandchildren who she adored. She lived for her grandchildren and she spoilt them rotten. They were the light of her life and it breaks my heart that she will now miss out on seeing them grow up! She had a holiday to Italy coming up and a safari booked for next year that she’s always dreamed about and that she absolutely deserved and I can’t stop thinking about how shes missed out on them! It seems so unfair.
I am in so much pain and cannot imagine life for me and her grandchildren without her in it!
Sorry for the long message and thank you to anyone who took the time to read it.
Hello, Just a quick message to welcome you to this group and to say how sorry I am you have lost your Mum. Whatever they circumstances and whatever their age it feels like hell. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. But I can’t … Time will not heal but will certainly make living a little easier and feel less sad - day by day. I lost my Mum on the 27th December last year. Is hard and the grief washes over me when it feels like it. Doesn’t discriminate . I cried over a box of maltesers the other day ( Mum’s favourite).
I can’t imagine how it must have felt to find your Mum in her own home. I feel for you.
All I can say at this moment is that you will go on. Even though some days you don’t want to.
I hope you find this group as helpful as I do. Some lovely people on here all experiencing loss and managing in their own way.
I understand how you feel. My mum got cancer, fought it bravely for 4.5 years, was on a path to recovery, last chemo and she caught some bacteria and she didn’t make it. I never had the chance to say goodbye. She just turned 66 days before her passing. I am so angry that she was taken away so early. The lifetime expectancy is what 86 years? - my mum had 20 years stolen from her. Time with us, time with grandchildren… now when she was finally better she had so many plans ahead of her. She wanted to travel, she wanted to have a new kitchen, days before passing she bought new dresses for summer… I cannot get over how unfair and unjust life has been to her…
@Martina_inpain im so sorry for your loss. It’s still pretty raw for me so I am just feeling sad and feel so sorry for my mom and what’s she’s going to miss. I dare say at some point I will also feel angry about it too. You’re right, it is so unfair and unjust. My heart goes out to you and your family.
I’m very sorry to hear about your mum. I feel I understand the depth of your loss. My mum passed suddenly without any warning on 19/6. It has been the darkest, loneliest place I’ve ever been. I’m now caring for dad and my life is not my own anymore. The best advice I have been given is to take 1 day at a time and to not hold back your feelings. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and move forward. Signing up for Sue Ryder text support is helping me validate all my emotions. We are all here for each other.
I understand how you all feel. My Mum died unexpectedly of a stoke in July. It doesn’t seem real. I wish I could hear her voice again, even if it’s just to tell my Dad off again. It’s the little things I miss like asking her if she wants a cup of tea making. She was 81 and had Rheumatoid Arthritis, otherwise no health issues. Just shows that we don’t know what is round the corner. There’s a bottle of Mum’s perfume at the bungalow, so my wife sprays it when we visit it. Smells like she’s still there.
I’m sorry for your loss too. If there is anything positive to come from this it’s that I intend to live life fully moving forward. Every day must matter!
I was clearing some of my mums things yesterday and came across her perfume… I couldn’t bring myself to smell it just yet x
We’ve cleared part of Mum’s things, but Dad’s declining health has put a temporary hold on this. Once Dad is settled in the care home we will hopefully complete the rest. I agree that these things help focus on what’s important. I will be 55 in November and seriously thinking of finishing full time work, so me and my wife can spend more time together doing things which we currently do not get time to do. I’m told that time heals, but many people tell me it only helps the pain fade.
I intend to do the same. I’m 57 in November and have a fairly stressful job. I’ve decided to finish at Xmas. Scares me a bit but know I owe it to myself. Life is too short to be permanently stressed and exhausted. I can spend more time with my dad also in declining health
@NeilMc what a shock for you all, especially as she had planned a holiday and had no medical issues. Have you been able to find out what happened to help you process this?
I liked your “me and mum against the world” comment, that is very sweet. I lost my mum in April and she was a single mum and I really looked up to her and feel bad I didn’t tell her that more. Even though she was poorly, we thought she was going to get better but that wasn’t to be. We felt the medical professionals weren’t straight up with us enough about her health and left us to it which I am very angry about. It feels terrible doesn’t it, the empty feeling just doesn’t seem to subside.
@BrackObama Thank you for your message and you nice words about my comment about my mom. Basically it was coronary heart disease that lead to as heart attack. It’s hard because her death could have been avoided if detected. That been said, we can drive ourselves mad with would and could haves!
I’m sorry to hear about your mom and the circumstances surrounding her passing. Like I said above, the what ifs can eat up at us, but we should try not to let it (easier said than done I know). You mom knew you loved her so try to focus on all the positive memories, which I am willing to bet there were many more of than there were negative.
Yeah, I am trying to remain positive and distract myself with my kids and work, but she is on my mind all the time and the heartache is strong, but hopefully over time it will ease. I keep reminding myself that my mom wouldn’t want me to be sad. X
Yes that’s right, she wouldn’t want you to be sad. Why is it so hard to be positive in times like these?! Maybe that will come in time. Our freshest memories are the saddest ones aren’t they but I assume as the mind adjusts to what’s happened, the happier times will come to the forefront of the brain instead of the bad ones.
Your mum sounded like she had a lot of get up and go and drive, what a shock to find out she had heart disease but you sound like you are trying to be positive. The heart ache doesn’t go away, I agree, but we have to live some kind of life don’t we.
Just when I thought we could get Dad settled in his care home, his move has been delayed because he’s caught covid in hospital. We’re now testing every day plus hoping Dad doesn’t deteriate due it it. Life is a constant battle at the moment. This all adds to the upset of losing Mum and the feeling that we can’t grieve and try to move on.
It’s at times like these you appreciate what was important in life. Each day us precious, but we don’t treat life that way when we’re younger. It’s only now when you take notice.
@BrackObama No, she would want me to be happy. Not just for myself but for the children. It’s hard because its still raw and we miss them like mad, but it time it will get easier, I am sure of it! I agree, I often think of the recent memories, such as a family holiday we took earlier in the year (which I am thankful of now because we haven’t had one with the parents for years and years), and it makes me more upset than memories from years ago. I guess that a natural feeling. She was such a hard worker & was still working full time at the age of 69! I miss her so so much! X
