Losing my Mom

My Mom was diagnosed with an immune disorder called CVID in 2009, the disease made her gradually weaker over the years slowly destroying her organs until they all gave up, her body was attacking itself, she received regular blood transfusions to help but in the end her body gave up and in March this year she sadly passed away at the age of 42 just before my 20th birthday. I currently care for my younger brother who has adhd and autism and my younger sister. It’s been such a difficult time for us all and we don’t have much family around us at the moment. We have a Grandad and Uncle that are the children’s ‘guardians’ but we’ve never had a normal relationship with them, it’s mainly just been me my mom and my siblings that was our family and since my moms passing it’s been extremely difficult to talk about my emotions as I’ve had no real adult to talk to for support.

I thought it would be best to start a group before I official lose the plot, I’m trying my best but I have to admit it’s shit and some days I don’t want to get up but I always do because all I can think of is that my brother and sister are going to feel 10x worse than me as they’re both younger so it will hurt them more but they seem stronger than me. My sister is all about her school work and loves the independence she has now and my brother is the same as he was when mom was alive it’s like it hasn’t affected them or they just don’t show it around me. I hear them both of an evening chatting on their devices to their mates laughing and messing around and it makes me feel so happy but at the same time it hurts because they have people to talk to and I don’t.

I keep having outbursts where I get really angry at stupid things and the mood won’t leave me for what seems like hours and then I’ll be manic and start cleaning and re-organising the house. I’m paranoid, tired and I’ve lost so much weight. I guess I just want to talk to someone but I don’t want to be a burden, I’ve had people message me saying I can talk to them if I need to but I just don’t know what to say.


Hello Miahkimbo
I am so glad you decided to join snd so sorry you hsve lost your Mum. You have so much to care about and worry about and I really feel for you. If your brother and sister are happy, then you are clearly doing an amazing job. Especially given your brother’s health problems. Please try to get all the help and support you can. The Citizens Advice Bureau might be able to help. I have no experience in this type of thing but others on here may have and can advise you. In the meantime, keep up the good work. You are an amazing sister and your siblings are so lucky to have you to love them.
Ann x

Hi Miahkimbo.
Your post was the first I’ve ever read or replied to on this forum having just joined in hopes to find a bit of guidance and answers to certain things I’m feeling.

Your story really touched me and I just want to let you know, you are AMAZING!!! Your just a bit younger than myself and to hear what challenges you are faced with after loosing your Mum and yet you continue to keep going, you really are a remarkable young lady.

Our stories are a little different, I’m 24 now and lost my mum just before my 21st birthday to Cancer and I’m the younger one out of my 2 old brothers. We’ve never spoken properly and discussed my mum as it is still a bit of a sensation subject almost 3 years on.

It sucks to hear you have nobody to talk to and I find it so much easier talking to a strange than I do my own friends sometimes and to somebody who can relate.

I hope you’re having a good Monday. X