My Mom was diagnosed with an immune disorder called CVID in 2009, the disease made her gradually weaker over the years slowly destroying her organs until they all gave up, her body was attacking itself, she received regular blood transfusions to help but in the end her body gave up and in March this year she sadly passed away at the age of 42 just before my 20th birthday. I currently care for my younger brother who has adhd and autism and my younger sister. It’s been such a difficult time for us all and we don’t have much family around us at the moment. We have a Grandad and Uncle that are the children’s ‘guardians’ but we’ve never had a normal relationship with them, it’s mainly just been me my mom and my siblings that was our family and since my moms passing it’s been extremely difficult to talk about my emotions as I’ve had no real adult to talk to for support.
I thought it would be best to start a group before I official lose the plot, I’m trying my best but I have to admit it’s shit and some days I don’t want to get up but I always do because all I can think of is that my brother and sister are going to feel 10x worse than me as they’re both younger so it will hurt them more but they seem stronger than me. My sister is all about her school work and loves the independence she has now and my brother is the same as he was when mom was alive it’s like it hasn’t affected them or they just don’t show it around me. I hear them both of an evening chatting on their devices to their mates laughing and messing around and it makes me feel so happy but at the same time it hurts because they have people to talk to and I don’t.
I keep having outbursts where I get really angry at stupid things and the mood won’t leave me for what seems like hours and then I’ll be manic and start cleaning and re-organising the house. I’m paranoid, tired and I’ve lost so much weight. I guess I just want to talk to someone but I don’t want to be a burden, I’ve had people message me saying I can talk to them if I need to but I just don’t know what to say.
M