Hello everyone,
This is my first post and I’m pleased to connect with you all.
I lost my mother at the end of July to lung cancer. She was a fit, active and healthy 84 year old who was living life to the full - so it came as a huge shock to lose her after a late and unexpected diagnosis. I am an only child and my dad died when I was a baby, so my mum was literally my whole world and we were very close. We had holidays planned to Majorca and Paris and lots of things to look forward to, which is why I’m still struggling to accept that she has gone.
I’ve been in survival mode since she passed away and being an only child has meant that I’ve been stressed out with the weight of responsibility that has fallen on my shoulders in both arranging the funeral and now managing her estate as the co-executor of her will. I am also single and have no children of my own which has added another layer of disenfranchised grief as there’s been no one to share decisions with or even everyday practical things like working out how to put on the central heating at my mum’s. Last weekend I was in tears because I was unable to reverse my mum’s car into the garage because I’m not a confident driver. In the past, mum would have done it in 5 minutes, whereas now I have to ask the neighbours and wait until they are available to help. Seemingly small everyday things like that become emotionally charged when there’s no one to help you.
On the positive side my cousins on my dad’s side have really stepped up and done a huge amount for me in terms of arranging the funeral and staying with me. But since the funeral I’ve felt very lonely and the loss of my mum has felt more acute. I just feel anxious and unsettled knowing that my main anchor in life has gone.
