I lost my mum (62) very suddenly at the end of August. She was perfectly healthy physically but in December 2022 became convinced something was wrong with her - which spiralled into psychosis and then led her to being sectioned.
She still had delusions and was hearing voices after leaving hospital and seemed to be doing ok - then one day I got a call from the police. The last I ever saw her was when I identified her.
I’m 29, an only child and she raised me by herself.
I find her in my dreams and thinking a lot at night and hard to sleep. During the day i’m distracted with work. i went back after 2 months but now I regret it and dont really see the point of work anymore.
I’m sad I never got to say goodbye, or even properly chat to her before it happened.
She’ll never see me get married and have children which she really wanted, that I didnt do/check in more, wasnt there all the time to make sure she was safe, all the things we wanted to do together and show her, that she was alone, that I didnt get to remind her of all the fun times we had and how much she meant to me.
She was looking forward to getting her state pension, and we never got to go to the chelsea flower show, or a cruise, or holiday in the UK.
It’s all so unfair that I shouldve had another 20 or even 30 years and her passing is never something that I ever even though about.
Having no-one else that knew her makes it harder too.
And I’ve just been ignoring all the paperwork (probate, coroners, nhs investigation) as I cant face it.
hello bne, i’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. as an only child raised by a single mum, i empathize with your pain and sorrow in a personal way. it’s difficult in midst of grief and sorrow but we have to remember that our mums are now free of pain and suffering. guilt, anger and the crushing weight of loneliness is just below the surface of our daily life ready to swallow us when we’re most vulnerable and alone. i hope you can find the courage to accept the loss and the inevitable change that awaits us. we’re changing into a new version of ourselves, without the guidance and support of our mums. in time we will grow into a new version of ourselves and be strong enough to exist in this world without our mums to pick us up when we fall. the cruel irony of losing our mums is that right after her death is when we need her the most. my heart goes out to you.
Hi @bne94 I am so sorry for the sad and untimely loss of your Mum. How devastating and painful. Having regrets and guilt over things said and done or not, is a key response to grief. Give yourself time to come to terms with what has happened. Sadly, nothing can change the situation but you can control your response and choose to live a life that honours the memory of your Mum. Perhaps eventually you’ll be able to take those trips that you and your Mum wanted to do? For now, try to focus on the present and how to manage your grief from day to day. Sending best wishes xx
Hi bne
So sorry about your mum, no wonder your struggling all alone and your so young to be ecperiencing this grief. Your guilt about so many things is just what grief creates in all of us, i too have many thoughts of guilt, guilt for things we can never change will just eat us up if we let it, so we cant do that. Our mums would want us to go on to live life to the full, you have to honour the memory of your mum by being the wonderful amazing woman she brought you up to. Remember all those fun times you mention and make new memories, she will he watching.
Just leave all the paper work till your ready, ive got a huge pile here myself which i just look past and ignore, it’l wait.
Try and be strong my lovely, keep messaging on here, ive had some lovely words of support. Big hugs❤️
I am so sorry that you to have lost your mum so young. I totally know how it’s feels because I to lost my Mum, I’m 32 and she was 50, so many things we will never experience together.
Losing a mum at any age is still devastating though.
I also know what it is like not having that time to say goodbye as my mum went so suddenly and out of the blue!
I do believe our mums haven’t left us though and walk with us every day, it’s took me a long time to believe in that but too much has happened for me not to believe!
