Losing my Mum soo quickly

It has been 3 weeks since my dear Mum passed away at Leckhampton Court. She feel ill on 16th April with sudden chest pains and they thought she’d had a heart attack. This coincided with Mum getting results from CT scan to say it was lung cancer. It was a terrible shock and myself, Dad and brother couldn’t believe it. Mum took a really bad turn for the worst and ended up having over a litre of fluid/blood drained off from around her heart. We thought we had lost Mum then…so everyday from then was postive, as she was still with us and seemed alot better.
Mum was in hospital and was not very mobile and on oxygen constantly but in amazing spirits and was a real inspiration. She always had her lippy on and smelt of gorgeous perfume.
Mum decided to go to Sue Ryder as didn’t want to come home as felt vulnerable, so respected her wishes.
Mum spent 10 days at the hospice and was on great form and had loads of visitors. Drinking red wine, eating her favourite Kettle Crisps whilst watching The Eurovision Song Contest!! We though she was coming home and that she was putting up a marvelous fight! Then, she stopped returning text msgs seeing visitors in the last week. She slept alot, not as talkative and we knew something was up. On Friday I just turned up and she was very disorientated and really struggling to breath. The nurse had then advised Mum was preparing to die. Once again another rollercoaster on the downward slope. Myself, Dad and brother stayed with Mum…at 4pm she said she loved us very much and was ready. She then shut her eyes and went to sleep. Mum’s spirit had left us but her body continued the shutting down journey of 16hours… nothing prepares you for this!! Bless her she was taking her breaths with real effort, making this horrific cracking/gargling noise, it broke my heart. I stayed with her holding her hand and speaking sweet words, but I don’t think she heard me? Why couldn’t she just go peacefully, but my Mum was a chatterbox and a loud lady for such a small frame…so I shouldn’t be surprised she left us the same way!!
At 8.40am Saturday 21st May Mum took her last breath with all her family around her. My poor Dad was just hollering, and holding her tight. Mum looked peaceful at last.
5 week battle just seemed too quick from being soo incredibly well!! Now I’ve had time to reflect I’m glad it was not a painful and drawn out fight with Cancer. Mum got to have 2 amazing holidays with Dad which if she had been having treatment she potentially wouldn’t be able to have gone.
Now the funeral has taken place, life tries to become normal. I’m struggling to keep my patience with my 2 young boys, and I just snap at any given opportunity. It’s soo unfair on them and I want it to stop.
My husband is a huge support and can see I’m not coping. I hope I can choose to feel grief alone and not become this angry Mum. RIP Mum :heart:

Hello Jeanie, I want to welcome you to our Online Community at this really difficult time in your life. I’m so sorry that your wonderful Mum died recently - the last few weeks must seem like a blur to you.
From what you have said here, she sounded like a strong determined lady. Perhaps you can get some comfort from knowing she chose to spend her last few days in a hospice, supported by her loving family and friends. It must have been very tough for you to see her gradually slip away - it is going to take quite a while for you to accept that you won’t see her again. I’m sure that she would now want you to concentrate on looking after yourself, so that you are able to adjust to your new ‘normal’ life with your own family.
Please take it easy - I am thinking of you, with kind regards, Jackie

Hi jeanie, I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum . I lost my mum 16th may 2016 so very close to when you lost yours . I still can’t believe I’ve wrote those words lost my mum it just doesn’t feel or sound right . I’m still in the denial stage a lot but the reality is starting to hit and when it does it’s very raw painful beyond words. Me and my mum were so close peas in a pod and she lost her life like your mum in a hospice from cancer. She was in there for a month and I was there for here 24/7 . Her last moments were very much like your mums with the breathing it’s horrific to think about it it’s so so painful to lose the person my mum like hat is beyond words to see the deteriaction is gutting. Writing this is very difficult and painful but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. If you ever want to chat then please do. Please excuse my grammar spelling I’m dyslexic and have a very tired low upset mind . Hug sent. Tray x

Thanks for your kind words of support Tray, it means alot. I am in a complete daze at the minute, and like you it’s soo hard to move on. My Mum was my best friend and I’ll miss her dearly. My Dad is struggling to, and I worry for him aswell as myself.
We will be looking to see a family bereavement councillor very soon. My two boys are wandering what has happened to their happy go lucky Mum…me to.
I hope you can continue to grieve as you so wish. …be kind to yourself.

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