Losing my mum suddenly

I lost my beautiful mum 3 years ago very suddenly and I’m still struggling to come to terms with the fact that I’ll never see her again. I am finding it really hard to cope day to day and I just want to lock myself away on my own and cry, when my mum passed away I was with my ex boyfriend who I left a year after my mums passing because I’d been with him for 5 1/2 years and had lived with all kinds of domestic abuse and couldn’t cope with it anymore, I knew I needed to get out or there was only one other way I would be going and that was to take my own life to try and end the pain of my relationship and losing my mum.
I was doing fairly well however my mental health has suddenly taken a huge dip and I’m feeling extremely low and just wish I could see my mum again.

Hello @Hayley43,

I’m sorry to hear about your mum. I’m hearing how painful this is all feeling and I want you to know that you’re not alone. There’s always someone out there to help you through this. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts during their grief journey. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:


If you do feel these suicidal thoughts or feelings get too much, you can reach out to one of the following organisations who are always just a call or text away anytime you would like someone to talk to:

  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
  • You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline here.
  • If you’re worried you’re going to hurt yourself, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E.

If you’re interested in counselling, we offer free sessions at Sue Ryder.

Have you been getting any support from your GP or community mental health team? Please do think about making an appointment to talk about how your mental health has taken a dip again. You matter and you deserve help and support.

Take care,


Thank you for your lovely reply and words, it really means a lot.
I am on a high dose of anti depressants from the doctor and am continuing to take them as I should do.

I have struggled with everything for a long time and haven’t spoke to anyone about it in depth really, I find it hard to open up as i don’t want to upset my friends and family as they have enough coping with their own feelings let alone burdening them with mine as well, I also think that I shouldn’t tell my family or friends as I’m always the strong one for everyone and I need to carry on that front till I’m on my own. So this was a huge decision for me to even start a conversation on here.
I blame myself for putting up with the domestic abuse that I did because I should’ve been stronger and wiser and got out of the relationship alot earlier than I did but I also thought that in a way the relationship is what I deserved and that was the only relationship I’d ever have or deserve.

Well done on starting this thread, @Hayley43, it sounds like it was a big step to take :blue_heart:

I think a lot of our members will identify with what you say about being the strong one and putting up a front. Hopefully someone will have some experiences to share. Do you think it could be helpful to speak to someone about your grief, and to have a space that’s just for you? I linked our Online Counselling Service above, but you can also access bereavement counselling through Cruse. They’ve got a live chat feature too where you can speak to a counsellor online.

Thank you again for sharing - please keep reaching out, we’re here for you.


Hi Hayley, I’m so sorry that you’ve lost your mum and for what you are going through right now. From what you have written, the last few years have been so awful for you, all this on top of the grief you are going through. It’s no wonder that you are struggling with it and I just wanted to send you a hug :hugs:

My mum passed away suddenly almost 4 months ago and the shock of it all is only really starting to register now. Every day seems so hard and I miss her so, so much. Words cannot truly express how I feel inside at times, but empty and lost are two that I’d use.

Being part of this online community, reaching out to others going through bereavement does help. I’m glad that you felt able to come on here and tell others your story and about how you’re feeling. I’ve recently started writing an online grief journal on this site and it’s helping to give me an outlet for how I feel in a safe, private space. There’s also helpful information and journal prompts there too. Maybe you could have a look at this if you feel up to it?

You take care and look after yourself. :heart:
Bluebelle xx

Hi @Bluebelle

Thank you so much for your kind words I’m truly grateful.
I’m so sorry to hear that you sadly lost your beautiful mum, the feeling of this is absolutely awful and one of the ways I describe it is that someone has taken my heart and stamped all over it then put it back in my chest.
Amongst all this awful situation I also lost my 12 year old goddaughter suddenly as well which was horrible and just added to the pain. Although my goddaughter had underlying health conditions she was really well and just suddenly fell poorly and then sadly passed away.
I am finding it beneficial typing on here how I’m feeling and what I’ve got on my mind when I feel up to it or need to which is nice to have a safe space to do so.
Please take care
Sending hugs.xx

Hi Hayley, I’m deeply sorry that your young god daughter has also passed away, that’s so sad. You must be feeling the loss of her and your dear mum so much right now.
I think the way that you’ve described your loss - about your heart being ripped out , stamped upon and put back in your chest is a pretty accurate way of summing up how grief really makes you feel. When I lost mum, I didn’t feel anything straight away, it was like I was building a wall in order to function and take care of the funeral arrangements etc… for Dad, so I couldn’t afford to crack. But now, exactly 4 months to the day that I lost Mum, the cracks are beginning to appear and there are days when the grief just seeps out, my heart feels like it’s been torn out, I have a bit of a cry, then I carry on. I thought I was weird feeling like this but, by coming onto here, I realise that everyone grieves in different ways- it doesn’t mean that I don’t care, in fact it’s the very opposite!
Keep on visiting here, talking to people and letting out how you are feeling. It really helps and so many people are walking along the same road. It doesn’t change anything but being amongst people who understand makes a big difference.
You take care.
Bluebelle xx