Losing my Mum unexpectedly at 25

Losing a parent
1

Hi Everyone,

While I was overseas travelling Europe with my friends and boyfriend this year, my Mum was in Bali where she had a sudden heart attack and passed away. She was 61 - healthy, fit and very active. It was so unexpected and she had no pre-existing health conditions, even her GP was shocked. She had the loudest laugh and biggest smile - she always spoke about her life is short… and its eerie to think about that now with whats happened. My sister and I were even meant to be seeing her a week after it happened for our birhdays.

I can still remember the feeling when I got the phone call from my sister. I couldn’t understand it and comprehened that everything in my life had changed forever and would never be the same. How can you be talking to someone one minute and the next, never be able to see or hear them again? The reality I am living is one that I never for a second though I would experience, which may be naive, but its true. I didn’t even think it was possible for my Mum to go like this.

Almost 3 months on and I still can’t comprehend the reality of what has happened. The shock is wearing off and the fact I will never see her again is settling in making every day is so difficult. I have so many emotions and I don’t know what to do with them all. Everyone keeps telling me to let them be and feel them. But I don’t want to, they are so so painful.

It feels like everyone has gone back to their normal lives and I am just… here… floating along each day. I don’t know how to be the person I used to be - especially in social situations and at work. I have no motivation to do well in my career - I dont know what to say to my friends, I feel like we are living such different lives now. No one asks me directly about Mum anymore, I don’t think people know how to bring it up or are worried it will upset me.

Every one has their parents and it makes me feel like I can’t relate to anyone. It feels like all the big happy moments in my life now are going to be equally as sad because I don’t get to share them with Mum. I find myself staying inside and feeling so exhausted, and not knowing what to do with my days.

I don’t really know my intention in writing this post, I think it serves as a way to get my feelings out and hopefully talk to others who are going through the same thing or have in the past. I’ve found it helpful to read through what other people are going through as I feel less alone and isolated in this whole experience <3

How do I keep doing this every day… and forever. I miss Mum so much and I really don’t know how to just keep going with this amount of sadness.

Thinking of you all.

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I’m so sorry for your loss. Nothing can prepare you for losing a parent. And you wouldn’t have ever imagined it with your mum being young and fit.
My dad died in February suddenly after a short illness and I’d always thought I had a lot more years with him (I’m 44). The pain is almost unbearable sometimes.
It’s very early days for you so don’t be hard on yourself. I still find it very difficult at work, I can’t do chit chat, other people have worry free lives and I can’t relate to that anymore.
I also feel jealous of people who have their dads. Be kind to yourself, go slowly, try to eat, sleep and go for walks. Podcasts are good too, like grief cast by Cariad Lloyd. You are not alone but it can feel that way.
Take care x.
Catherine

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So sorry for you loss. I lost my mum 8 weeks today. I’m 48 and mum was 80. Something that I feel helps me with the loss is remembering the good memories of her. I have funny videos and photos on my phone in an album I created.
When I returned to work 3 weeks after mum passed that’s when I started to feel how life goes on and it’s so harsh after such a massive loss in my life. I also think what would my mum say to me now when I’m feeling down etc. As a mum myself all you want is for you kids to be happy and I’m pretty sure that’s what your mum would want to. Losing mum isn’t the first experience of loss I’ve had but it’s on a different level from the other losses I’ve experienced.
I know my grief is up and down. On the most part I’m doing ok but when it hits me it hits me bad but I can say the low times are becoming less frequent now.
The physical symptoms are settling now too and I am sleeping better thankfully.
Sending love x

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So sorry for your loss. X

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@79ch Thank you for your kindness :heart: I am so sorry for your loss too. I resonate with what you said so much, I can’t relate to others who are living normally when nothing feels normal to me. I am trying to just take each day as it comes but it is so unpredictable. I will give that podcast a listen. Take care too. x

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@MiloReine7 Your words are so right - it is so harsh to see how life goes on after such a massive loss. I am so sorry for the oss of your Mum :heart: I know Mum would want me to be happy but it feels so wrong to be okay when she isn’t here anymore. Thanks for your lovely message. Take care. :butterfly:

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