Hi. I am new here but really struggling at the moment.
I lost my amazing mum just over four weeks ago now- she was only 62. She had been unwell with a recent diagnosis of COPD (only diagnosed 4 months before she passed) and picked up a serious lung infection which ultimately she could not fight. She spent the last 11 weeks of her life in hospital where she fought with everything had but in the end it beat her.
I know I’m very new on this journey but it is the hardest most painful thing I have ever been through. I was so very very close to my mum- she has left behind a husband, four children ( my brother being only 17) and three young grandchildren.
What I’m really struggling with is having to be a parent to a young child at this time. My son is 5, autistic and at times very hard work. A huge trigger for him is seeing me upset so I’ve had to try and soldier on and hide how I am feeling from him. This has not been doing me any favours at all. I’ve found it hard being a mum these past four weeks when I have just lost my own. It’s so full on and I haven’t got space to even contemplate the gravity of what I have just lost. I have very little childcare support so it has all been on me to get up and entertain him everyday when my world has fallen apart. This past week has been particularly tough as he’s on holiday from school and we just had my mum’s funeral on Monday. My grief has intensified massively since the funeral and I am really struggling with having to deal with that and my little boy at the same time. I love him dearly, but due to his autism and dis regulation at not been in school, he has been really hard work this week when I could really do without it. I’m also aware he could be grieving as well in his own way- but he finds it hard to articulate his feelings and everything is just coming out of him in screaming and anger. I’ve always had so much patience with him but this week I am struggling and feel like I can barely function, never mind look after another human being at this level.
I miss my mum immensely - after 4 weeks I’ve still not even processed what’s happened I don’t think. I thought the funeral would bring some closure but it’s had the opposite effect - I am bereft, hurting and suffering terrible anxiety at the thought of never seeing her again.
I don’t know what I’m looking for really - maybe just a sounding board to convey how difficult it is to lose your mum relatively young whilst you are also a parent to a young child.
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Hello @Lucy07,
I can see you’re new to the community, so I want to thank you for bravely reaching out and sharing with us. I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. Your loss is very recent and it sounds like everything feels overwhelming at the moment.
You are not alone. We have many parents on the community who are grieving the loss of their mum or dad. You might want to connect with @Ali8 who posted this thread a few days ago:
You may also wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Take care,
Seaneen