My mum passed suddenly yesterday morning. She had been ill but had recovered and come home. She was taken to hospital yesterday but crashed on arrival and I am broken.
I don’t know how to manage this overwhelming feeling of loss.
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I’m very sorry for your loss. I’m sure you’re feeling shock and sadness. This group has been a lifeline to me the last 3 months since losing my mum. There are lots of people here to help with the journey ahead. Take each moment as it comes. You will go through lots of emotions but keep reaching out.
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I understand how you feel I lost my mum on boxing day, she had been ill and knew she would pass it happened in 2 short months and the grief is unimaginable I feel for you and am so sorry for your loss.
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Thank you for your reply and I’m so sorry for your loss.
Knowing that I’m not alone in this am that there is a community of people to turn to is a comfort although everything is just so much right now.
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I lost my Mum suddenly just under 3 months. The first 3 days I was devastated, like my heart had been ripped out and I cried uncontrollably. I almost had to cry it out of my system and then talk, talk, talk. It is still painful, but I found the initial shock the worst.
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I’m so sorry for your loss.
I feel exactly the same - like I cannot stop the crying and the feeling of being utterly broken by this. I know I have to start th formal admin stuff but it’s just so overwhelming right now x
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Can you get someone to help you with the admin? I had someone who kept saying, “Now we need to do this.” I wasn’t able to think so it helped me. Doing the practical things then helped me strangely to keep going. I took my time. I think most deaths have to go to a Medical Examiner so that gave me some time. Take care of yourself during this time.
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There have been lots of offers of help; I’m trying to keep it together as my brother is really struggling and was with her at hospital when mum passed. My dad (divorced from mum many years ago) has offered to come down if I need him and my husband (deployed overseas) is doing what he can from distance….i have a close friend who has sent through the AgeUk site with the outline timings etc and has offered help but it’s seems so hard to say yes, I don’t want to impose on her life and things she needs to be doing (work, family etc).
I think when I get started, I collected all mums paperwork etc from house yesterday so I could work thorough that, I might find that it helps my focus but I just can’t seem to find the motivation to start.
It sounds like you are doing well as you have a plan. How are you getting on? I needed someone to say to me “Now you need to do this” otherwise I don’t think that I would have got things going.
I lost my mum a year ago and i have been struggling since I wanna be honest and say it’s a hard journey and I’m still on it I have lost myself and not been the same but I know I can get back there it took me a year to come terms with how I’m feeling and that and I have took steps but honestly this website has helped me loads and to me it better then therapy you have got this and believe you have because it I did I wouldn’t feel how I feel now you know but you have this you are strong and you are beautiful or handsome always remember that
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I’m doing ok - fits and starts, some moments I feel utterly disconnected, others I’m crying, others I’m just trying to get through.
My daughter is here now and being amazing although I feel guilty as she is 7m pregnant and is grieving herself.
I think tomorrow is going to be difficult, we have funeral directors and then the registry office, plus I need to help find my brother somewhere to live as he lived with my mum, is really struggling (would prefer to sleep or drink into oblivion) and my mums house is rented (she’d lived there 20years though so it is home).
It feels endless right now x
Thank you for your reply and I’m sorry for your loss.
This site has been a real source of support even though it’s only been a couple of days. I just hope I can find a way to navigate all the emotions and do the admin.
I thought that would be the case, but found that it such a formality that it went okay. I focused my efforts on giving Mum a funeral service that I wanted for her so it helped me somehow feel connected. I think grief is a strange beast and is so individual. I hope that it goes smoothly for you. Your poor brother (very hard for him) and moving out of your Mum’s home is tough as it means sorting through things and leaving behind memories and getting a roof over his head, whilst he is grieving.
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I have found this site as my ‘go to’ as it helps to know that other people in this situation (unbearable as it is) understand and are experiencing similar emotions. I am sorry for your loss and that you are going through it.
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I can’t begin to imagine how he’s feeling, his entire world has been pulled from out under him on top of losing mum. I know we are both grieving but I don’t have the pressure of finding somewhere to live and whilst I’ve said he can stay with me til he sorts himself out, he doesn’t want to be away from the area he calls home. It’s hard to know how to help him, beyond the practical side of things.
And it’s hard not to worry about him, I’ve suggested talking to me or someone else, or other people in the family but he’s not keen.
It’s all so bloody hard.
It is hard for you to see your brother going through this. I am assuming that you have checked already and he is unable to take on the tenancy.
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He couldn’t afford it, even if he wanted to. And I’m not sure the estate agents would allow it. One to work through today or tmw. I’ve lined him up some viewing on spare room etc, will see how he goes.
Today has been a hard and emotional day; first meeting the funeral director and finding out mums wishes which involve a direct cremation. This mean no attendance but they are allowing us to get her dressed in something other then the PJs she was wearing in hospital and to see her in the chapel of rest at the start of next week. We know the date and time of cremation, but not being able to attend is a knock because I don’t want her to be alone.
I took my brother to lunch, to make sure he is eating and to talk about future accommodation which feels like I’m taking away his connection to mum but the house is private rented so we need to sort all of that out pretty quickly. He is struggling an not open to talking, but I’ll keep at it as I know my mum would be worrying about him.
Then we had to register mums death; this was incredibly formal and so felt numb through the process. Having the paperwork in front of me and having to do the ‘tell-once’ process was heartbreaking and between that and falling apart trying to find the right clothes for my mum amongst her wardrobe properly floored me this evening.
I need to take the clothes to the funeral directors tmw afternoon, but the idea that this will be the among last times I’ll get to see my mum and have a tangible connection is so hard.