Hi i lost my mum suddenly 4 weeks ago, and i am devastated , I have seen my gp, but i just dont know how to deal with this , my mum was my world, i just dont know what to do, i just cant imagine my life without her my heart is broken , i dont know how to deal with my overwhelming grief, part of my brain is devastated and the other part just wont accept its real, i am struggling so much , i have panic attacks , i cant function my heart actually hurts and i am so lost, but also my heart is breaking watching her partner of 28 years he is broken, i just cant process my feelings , ive never felt pain like it,
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Hi Julie. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It really is the most awful thing to go through. I lost my mum in December. The pain is unbearable and I very much feel for you. All I can advise is to take it hour by hour and let yourself feel it when you can. You may get moments of numbness when your brain protects you from it as well. 4 months down the line I don’t think it necessarily gets easier - still can’t believe I’m actually here and she’s not- but you learn that you can get through it. The waves of grief slow down slightly and sometimes you can breathe in between them. I’m still struggling a lot. But I’m doing it and that’s all we can do.
For now, try and focus on eating well, getting sleep if you can and resting. Grieving is exhausting. There’s so many lovely people on here who understand something about what you’re going through. Sending hugs.
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Thankyou so much , i just cant believe i wont see her again the grief is unbearable and i cant cope with how much it hurts, i dont know how to cope with anything any more she was my strength my world, i dont understand why shes gone, we dont even know why yet, she collapsed in the early hours ,and now shes gone, my brain wont process it , but the pain is unbearable, im sorry about yr mum, they are just so special, my world revolved around her , its so cruel xx
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Good morning. It is unbelievable. I am on my own now after the passing of my mam 3 weeks ago. We lived together 60 years. I am totally lost. I don’t just cry, I scream out. I live in a detached house. No one hears me. I am so utterly heartbroken. I saw her at the chapel of rest on Tuesday. I really wanted and needed to see her. For a few hours I felt lighter, but the tidal wave of anger, grief and disbelief soon returned. Like you both, I do not know how I am going to carry on without her. She was my world, my friend and companion. Our whole day was being together and me caring for her and looking after her. Every day when I wake up I think she is still alive and in bed and I go to get her up like I always did. I haven’t anybody really now. I always used to say to mam: I have got you and you have got me. We are okay. We never really saw anyone. I am also at the point where apathy is setting in. I haven’t had a shave for days and I was always doing housework which mam did her best to help me doing, but currently I cannot be bothered. God bless and sending you all my best wishes: Stephen
Hello Julie, It is raw for you and you are in shock. Although my Mum was 93 she was due to be discharged on the day she had a cardiac arrest. The shock and heart wrenching pain was unbearable in those first few days. I am 6 months down the line and it is not the same pain that I felt in those first few days. I am still processing and cannot look to a future. I do find joy now in life, which I didn’t think I would say when Mum died. I am learning to live and feel that Mum will always be with me even if I can’t see her. The pain has lessened but I have moments of crying. I hope these words help you. My advice is to be kind to yourself, don’t place yourself under any pressure, eat (even if you don’t want to), cry if you need to and talk about how you are feeling if you are able.
Hi stephen oh god bless you, that must be so hard for you, you must be lost, Its just the worst feeling in the world isnt it, I just dont know how to process any of it, one minute she was here, tten shes gone, Sometimes the only way i can cope is to pretend shes away or in hospital, its just the absolure shock of it all, I cant believe its happened, i feel like i cant live in this world without her, I have my kuds and grandkids so im trying to be strong but to be honest, they are being strong for me, i keep telling myself to just get through each hour each day and not think any further because it hurts too much, thankyou for reaching out to me whilst your in pain yourself bug hugs x
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Hi
Thankyou for reaching out to me whilst your in the same pain, it must have been a shock to you expecting yr mum to come home and then losing her, I am having trouble with the pain and actually believing what has happened , I cant imagine living in this world without her , im just lost ,i cant go into a supermarket without having a panic attack, then sitting in the car and crying , She was so strong ,there was nothing medically wrong that we knew of , i txt her the night before then get a phone call in the early hours with the worst news of my life ,i cant take it in, it happened on the 10th march and it would have been her birthday on the 15th which was also mothers day, i do not know i got through that day,she was the centre of my world, and she should still be here, lost dad suddenly 30 years ago ( same bedroom) and ive never got over that so theres no way i will recover from this, thankyou for yr kind words, sending hugs x
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Hi Julie000. Thank you for replying. I really appreciate. It has been a tough day. Been on my own all day. I know i must get used to it, but it is only 3 weeks as opposed to the 60 years we were together. I feel the same as you. I don’t know how or if I will get through it. Everything upsets me. I blamed God. I blamed everyone. Why such horrible people around and mam taken away. Their world continues while ours has fallen apart. My mam’s brother, my uncle, never visited his sister, my mam more than once a year even though he lived 10 miles away. He moved further away two years ago and now lives in North Yorkshire. I couldn’t believe in one recent text he told me to get a dog. Me, mam and dad have never wanted a dog. Dad and mam had COPD as well. Did he really think this would help me? This is what we are also up against. People who don’t understand or don’t want to understand. God bless and like me, keep trying to go on for our lovely mams who brought us into this world and loved and cherished us, as we did them too. Stephen
Hey, I feel like I could have written most of this post myself. It’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. I lost mine just over a month ago and I’ve never been so devastated. I am so sorry you are going through the same.
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I really understand the part of being alone as Mum and I lived together. Mum and I used to say it was just us two. I thought that I was managing, but probably just functioning really. I have to get up at 5.30 for work so try to get my sleep. Last night, I found water everywhere. When I had put teh radiators on in the evening, water ahd leaked. Normally I would just be matter of fact, a bit annoyed but would deal with it. It meant moving furniture, pulling everything out that was wet. I cried so much as I felt the full force of doing everything alone and being alone. Mum would have cheerily said, “I will help” and we would have had a cup of tea together. Last night I felt the full force of Mum not there and cried endlessly. My partner came over told me to “toughen up” whixh made me feel worse and left me to it. Not a good day. Will try to start today as a fresh day as my Mum would have said “Its not worth making yourself ill over it. “
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Hello love, its the worst pain isnt it? Our mums are everything, my legs feel hollow and i feel like ive been punched in the stomach, it really hurts ,i am still in disbelief , my head is mashed, i understand yr pain sending hugs xx
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Advice like toughen up is from people who never will understand what you are going through. As if thst would help at all. I know if anything went wrong at my home, my reaction would be the same as yours. When you are with your mum and facing life together it makes it a lot better. Issues get sorted when you have your mum to help you emotionally. Mam always helped out the best she could, but when there were things she couldn’t help with, she was always their with her love and support. Hope you manage to get some sleep and work goes as well as it can. Stephen
Good morning. It is such a sad and devastating thing to go through losing your beloved mum and at such an early age.
Like me, your sadness and grief is so raw. You don’t know what to do or where to turn. I know I don’t. I am trying to carry on, but it is so difficult. I got up at 7.15am. The first thing is to talk to mam as I would have done. She never had breakfast but we always had orange juice and a cup of tea. I used to bring them to her in our living room. She used to sit with her dressing gown on. She was always cold. I put on one of our Amazon playlists and she sat there happily tapping her feet to the music. Writing this now has made me cry so much. I cannot believe I won’t ever see her beautiful, smiling face again. I wish there was something I could say or do to make us feel better, but I don’t know really. I feel lost. Well done for posting on here. It should help because we are all in the same position. God bless. My heart goes out to you. Kindest regards: Stephen
Thank you Stephen. Today went well at work. It is exactly that, the emotional support that Mums give that helps us get through life and overcome any problems that life throws at us. I can imagine your Mum having her tea and tapping her feet. I think that my Mum would have loved to have had your Mum as a friend. Alot of her friends died and she always wanted a good friend.
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Glad work went well. I took early retirement from teaching so now a long day stretches ahead. The day was full, but in a good way with mam. Our mums being friends would have been great. Apart from a retired teaching colleague up in Wetherby who we visited about 4 times a year, neither me or mam had any friends. Get rested up now after work. Sending you all my best wishes. Stephen
Yeah it is, sadly I know exactly how that feels. Sending you the biggest hug xx
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