losing my mum

I lose my mum on the 2nd October last year and I came home to find her unconscious and not breathing and I went straight into panic mode call an ambulance and did cpr but I struggled to come to
The fact that it was my fault and I didn’t do everything that I could even when people
Said I did and I had to pay and plan for the funeral at just 18 years old and I didn’t want to say goodbye as I knew that I couldn’t see her again but 6 months down the line I still feel the same and wish I could just tell I love her and give her a cuddle and tells her everything will be ok but I can’t.

Hi jb3

I’m so sorry to read about losing your mum at such a young age. I lost my mum suddenly last year when I was 48 and I still struggle terribly.
When I was 27 my dad had a heart attack in bed and I watched frozen to the spot as my mum tried to administer CPR.
It made no difference and my dad was declared dead as soon as the ambulance crew arrived. For 5 years I felt terrible that I had done nothing to save him and then i joined the emergency services and i learnt that less than 10 percent of people survive a heart attack or cardiac arrest outside of hospital.
There was nothing you could have done.
I miss my mum terribly every day so completely understand how you feel. Do you still have your dad to talk to?
What about siblings or friends that you can lean for support?
Cheryl x

Yeah I do have my
Dad and yeah I have my older brother but he hates talking about it

There are sites for teenagers that lost someone so that you can chat with people of your own age group. There are others on here who are your age but not many. Most are in their 20s and upwards.
My daughter and partner hate talking about it too. It makes you feel very alone x

Thank you so much fro understand

Dear @Jb3

I’m so sorry to hear you lost your mum and at such an early age. They really are precious to us and I think we don’t always realise until they’ve gone quite what a big part of our lives they are.

I lost my mum in January. Everyone grieves differently, in different ways and at different rates. I think one thing we all have in common though is thinking about the ‘what ifs’ and ‘if onlys’. We can’t help ourselves re-running those last few periods of time whether that be years or hours, and me telling you not to is pointless because you will.

Know that your mum knew you loved her deeply. I’m not religious at all but I do believe I keep my mum alive in my life, remembering her, talking to her and commemorating the great times we shared.

Some days I’m ok, some I’m more than a complete mess. Some days I’m so angry with the world I want to smash all the crockery in the cupboard others I want to sink into a bottle of wine. This whole thing is a roller coaster ride, but at the bottom of it is my undying love for my mum.

6 months ago my mums heart simply couldn’t keep up with her and it stopped. But I carry her in me so she’ll never truly leave me.

I know it doesn’t feel like it now but you’ll always have your mums love inside you.

Hi Scarlet
Thank for your reply
It was nice to know that I’m
Not alone going through this and I know what you mean by smashing up cutlery I feel same sometimes but you can’t get angry as they will make you worst just go for a walk and phone friend or
Family for a
Chat always helps