Losing my mum

I never knew that my mum was so poorly that she was going to die so quickly. My mum was staying in a care home that she had been there since October 2020. I was allowed to visit her from July 2021 so I visited her six days a week and on the 12th of I offered her a shower at the care home and have it like a little activity between me and her as before she asked me if she could go live in a care home as I became ill suffering from fibromyalgia and severe depression and anxiety we used to do things like that with each other. I’m the last child of the 6 children that my mum and dad had. So on that day of the 12th of May 2022 whilst I gave her a shower and a bit of pampering I noticed that something was wrong with one of her toes on her left foot and it was quite sore swollen pus looking so I reported it to the senior carer that was on shift that day and time and she came to look at it and said that she would call for the district nurse to come in the next day to look at it. So the next day arrived and the nurse came and examined it and dressed it with a dressing and said to the care staff that they would be popping back in a few days later to check up on it. So that was happening. The next week came and i offered my mum a soak in the bath but the dressing that was put on earlier in the day had come off the toe, so that would mean that the nurse would have to come back to see mum the next day which was a Friday. Me and my mum were always together either in person or be chatting on the phone for hours on end. Well on the Saturday 21/05/2022 my brother was going to see mum and take her a couple of egg custard tarts as she always enjoyed eating them plus she had lost a lot of weight. She was a 86 and diabetic. Mum was in a super mood as usual. I later spoke with her on the phone for just over 3 and half hours that Saturday evening. Then we said bye for now as that is how she always wanted to end our conversations.
So on the Sunday the 22/05/2022 I called my mum’s phone to have our conversation and she alerted me that she was not feeling well and that she thought she was falling. So I thought maybe it had something to do with that toe. So I called the care home and spoke with the Care Unit Manager who was working that shift to find out what was happening with my mum and she just said that they called 111 for some advice as mum was not well in the morning and that she was sick and loose bowels high temperature so she thought it was just a bug so I said that I would come and sit with my mum as she would just be on her own on her bed as the staff not got time to be with her and them as they have other things to do. They said that I could not come as if it was a bug it’s best not as I might get it. So they waited until the early hours of Monday 23/05/2022 to calll 999 as she had deteriorated so the paramedics came and took her to A&E and they called me to tell me that my mum was a very ill lady and that she is showing infection (SEPSIS) and that I need make my way up to the hospital. So I drove up there it’s 25-30 minutes and when I got there they told me that she had just passed away. I’m was so angry and still is. I couldn’t even see her after the day that she had passed due to the Sepsis was eating her body up very quickly so I’m still finding it very hard to grieve and I haven’t even got the strength to go to the care home to find out why they didn’t even notice what was actually happening that morning and the day.

Dear @May49

Welcome to the Community, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mum.

The Samaritans are available to talk to 24 hours a day, 365 days a year for someone to talk to. This is a free and confidential service on 116 123.

There is a useful informative Grief Guide that will help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief and help you discover new ways to cope.

Grief is a journey to be taken at your pace and there will be good days and bad days, all of which is normal and part of the grieving process. You may find this article on Losing a Parent of help and support to you.

Please be gentle with yourself and take one day at a time.

Take care.


Hi Pepsi

Thank you for your reply and good advice.

Thank you

1 Like

You are welcome @May49, we are always here for you.

Take care.


I am so sorry for your loss :heart:

I never got to go visit my mum once she left her home and went to the chapel of rest they wouldn’t let me go see her and I think that is the closure I had missed out on,

Take care xx