Hi Everyone,
I’m glad to be here but not really sure where to go or what to say.
In 2021 my mum was diagnosed with cancer of the oesophagus and 3.5weeks later passed away. At the time I went into like a business mode stance where I was constantly busy arranging the funeral, registered the death, made all the phone calls etc… Then after the funeral and when everyone else had moved on I literally crashed! I am an only child and my mum was my best friend as well as my mum. She was there for me all the time, I could tell her anything and know she would always care and love me no matter what!
My dad was not there for me at all, luckily my husband was so so supportive, not sure what I would have done without him!
My dad has moved on and has a new partner, meanwhile I’m left in limbo and still in so much pain! I find it incredibly hard to talk to anyone without breaking down or suffering more pain.
I’ve had some counselling which helped, and now have been given some CBT which doesn’t seem to be that helpful for me or the situation.
Christmas is incredibly hard, and I’ve struggled quite badly this year. Just not sure where to go or what to do to help me live with this and not suffer so much pain everyday!
Hi, I don’t know how to help but I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. My mum passed away 31st December 2022 so it’s still so fresh for me. Unfortunately I am the same, I would see her all the time, could tell her everything and we constantly called she’s was literally my best friend 
I feel so alone now, others tell me to talk with them like I would my mum but its absolutely not the same is it. All the different emotions hit me in waves feel like I’m going to explode. I hope someone on here can give you some advice and I’m really sorry for your loss 
Hi Dolly86
I know how you feel. I lost my mum on Dec 30th. My mum was exactly as you describe yours She was my best friend and I miss her so much. I am struggling that I can’t phone her even and don’t know how to cope without her. I don’t know what to say to you except I am here for you if you ever want to reach out. I have only just joined this group and is something I have never done before. Talking to strangers on line is not something I have ever done but if it helps I will try anything to ease this pain
Thank you, both of you for taking the time to reply I really appreciate that 
this is the first time I’ve done anything like this too, so all very new and strange. I’m so sorry to you both for your loss, still so very raw for you both. No one ever writes the rule book of how we deal with one of the most devastating losses of our life, I certainly wish they had! I find myself going round in circles, but can’t find a way to go. Maybe we can all be the support each other needs by talking more? I’ve also considered writing a daily diary and treat it in a way as talking to mum each day?
Hi Leanie,
A diary sounds a good idea. May try that. After my mum passed within a day we noticed electrical lights failed eg the light on her oven , on the wax melt burner I had bought her and my sons tracker. That all happened at her house. We came home to our own house 40 miles away and the lights on my fairy lights failed. New batteries had been put in the tracker and wax burner only 3 days previously so no way could they have failed as they were brand new I also believe in white feathers appearing and the past 2 days i have found one outside my back door. All this has helped me so much
Hi Leanie,
I’ve started to journal, I write to my mum in it and read it out loud anytime I go to call her also I’m new on this also and not done anything like this before. I really hope we can all find comfort in something soon enough
Oh that’s something I would wish for, I speak out loud to her all the time and I do sense something but I would love to be sure it’s her. Flickering electrics and the feathers must be so comforting
Dolly86
I asked my mum before she passed to show me a sign if she could. She knew i had faith in white feathers as I am recovering from cancer myself and its what kept me going all through my treatment. I can feel my whole mood changing once I find one and they are usually in the oddest of places and mostly I find them when I am not actually looking for them. People have tried to comfort me with the usual things like saying She was a good age, she wouldn’t want you to be like this but to carry on, she is out of pain etc but nothing is helping me. I just want her back in the physical form Nothing else but actually here with me . When I wake up its like it hits me like a ton of bricks. I don’t want to eat drink dress or do anything. Today there have been no signs so I am very down. Tom I hope something happens just even if it helps get me through the day. Am thinking about you
Gosh I’d love to say I wish she could show me a sign that she’s with me, but I think that might upset me even more bizarrely I’ve had things happen that I think only I would understand that’s made me smile, so I’ll take that
Hi Leanie
I am a great believer in things happening that only you understand. It’s the tiniest things that will help us I am sure
Thinking of you and everyone going through all this sadness