It is just over 3 months since I lost my beautiful mum. And I am finding it harder everyday rather than easier.
She was 91, but that doesn’t make it any easier to accept. We were always close but that bond became even tighter after my dad died 11 years ago.
I reduced my working days to spend time with her, something I am so pleased I did as we had a few holidays together and many days out. Then along came covid, coinciding with mums mobility deteriorating and more health problems for her.
I eventually took early retirement and moved in with her so that she was able to stay in her own home.
Her death followed being taken in to hospital for a routine repeat treatment. But sadly scans found some totally unexpected tumours that were not possible to treat. She was placed on end of life care. I am an only child and we have no close family so I sat with her 16 hours a day for 3 weeks.
And even then I was sadly not with her when she passed.
Even though I know I did everything I possibly could over the last 2 years and those last weeks, I regret her being in hospital for those 3 weeks. Noone expected her to fight for so long, but in hindsight I desperately wish I had taken her home. Although I have nothing but praise for the care she received.
I have been totally overwhelmed by the way I feel. I am so lost, empty and sad. There is such a huge hole in my life. And the tears get more each day, my reaction has frightened me so much. Losing my dad, and even my partner (26 years ago now) did not affect me this way.
Hi, so sorry for your loss, you obviously had a really close bond with your Mum. I can only empathise as I’ve been feeling similarly lost and in a fog of sadness since the sudden death of my Mum in January. I’m finding the stress of being the Executor of her estate an emotional burden too. I realise that I completely underestimated the impact that her death would have for me. From what you write, it sounds like you did everything you could to support your Mum in her final days. Don’t let any regrets or guilt make your grief harder to bear. Sending best wishes xx
Hi lost my mum in January 23 & I get how you’re feeling some days are better than others … I had to change my medication 3 weeks ago as I had spent weeks constantly crying and in heartache of losing mum… the change in medication has made me less emotional medication doesn’t fix everything I still have a hole in my heart that’s missing mum so much.
I am trying to do so much to keep myself feeling ok, I’m doing grief journaling, writing letters to mum, planning my day before it happens helps me massively …
I already have a plan of what I’m doing Thursday as it’s my day off 
me & my sisters are finishing off clearing mums house in the morning 
then I’m off to my friends house 🩷