Losing my Mum

My Mum died in October. I was by her side when she passes away. It was traumatic and brutal. I couldn’t bare to see her suffering so much. I just didn’t know what to do. I kept fighting for her right until the end until the nurses had to tell me this was it and there was no more they could do. She was so very afraid. I keep reliving it over and over again. Sometimes I am completely fine, I am running a business and am a busy parent. Most people would have no idea of the turmoil under the surface. I do see a counsellor which is great and she is amazing. I really haven’t gone over the details of my experience fully with her. I need to do that. I really wish I had just held her but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to scare her any more. she had a long and difficult illness and I cared for her as best I could. My dear Grandmother had died just 9 months before and it is just all too much sometimes. It’s just overwhelming pain and grief and most people just don’t get it. I’m trying meditation which is helping. I know it will get better but sometimes you just have to get it off your chest and I want to scream it at people!

Dear Smashley, I am so very sorry for the loss of your mum and grandma but you did all you could and more. You are correct, unless they have been through this kind of loss people do not understand. When my husband died three years ago, he would not let me hold him or talk to him about anything, I wanted to tell him how much we loved him, how grateful we were for the last 50 years of our lives together but he would not let me. He would not accept he would not get better and was so afraid to admit it. When he drifted off just before he died our sons and myself told him these things but we don’t know if he heard.

You have done your best and now there is nothing more you can do but concentrate on your family, they will help you through this terrible time. You will never forget your mum and grandma but they would not want you to fall apart especially with children and a business to run. Do your mum and grandma proud and tell your children how much their grandma and great grandma were loved, talk about them, I find that telling our grandchildren all about our lives together helps enormously, yes there are tears, there always will be but there always are when you lose a loved one and that will never change.

Take care,

Sheila xxxx

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Hi Sheila. I’m so sorry for the loss of your Husband. Sounds like you had a long and happy marriage and have a very loving family around you. You always imagine you’ll have time to tell your loved ones all those important things but you’re right, it just doesn’t necessarily work like that.

Thank you for your kind words of support. I’m feeling a little lighter and brighter today. It’s so strange to have a run of good days and then be suddenly floored by the return of the emotion and grief. I’ll definitely take your advice though and make sure their memories live on.

Take care
Smashley xx

Hello,sorry to read about your loss and what u are going through…sounds like u have been dragged down,u have had a lot to deal with. A tiring rollercoaster of emotions…
My mum died very suddenly,a brain haemmorage…i was 11,never offered counselling…bottled it all up for yrs. I am getting support now. Never imagine it will happen to u… i would give anything,even now,to tell my mum how much i loved her…u never know whats round the corner.i’m not a religious person,i do believe my mum is with me in spirit sometimes,i often talk to her in my head, imagine what i would be saying. Sounds a bit daft,i know…thats my way of dealing with things. Deal with it,the way u see best at the time…i find writing my emotions down helps,such a relief just to get it down on paper…talking to strangers,u dont feel a burden either. Like i do with family. Ppl who dont know u/u dont know them…give good advice.
Written an essay,i do feel better now ive offloaded it though.
1 step at a time,1 foot in front of the other. Anyway all the best,stay strong.
Rach