Hi I am nee to this, I lost my dad when I was 18 to lung cancer sat and watched him suffer of terminal illness, ignored grieve for years and it hit me like a tonne of bricks as I got older having children etc my mum recently passed away from acute myloid luekemia and toxins from chemotherapy spread to her brain, and brain damaged her. I am suffering so bad and I just don’t no what to do I’m in physical pain I cry for her every night begging for her, she was my whole world my safety blanket and she gave me love guidance support and was everything. I’m turning to drink and other stuff to avoid reality because I can’t cope and I just don’t want to feel like this I’m angry stressed lost alone and I’m a dark place, my partner doesn’t understand how I feel I’m crying out for help so much it’s like screaming into an empty room. I just want to try be abit happier and feel normal but I don’t think it’s possible now. I just wish my head wasn’t so beaten down by losing my mum but how else am I meant to feel. Im not suicidal I would never ever want to do that but this pain is soul destroying and I just want my life back can’t anyone share some support or some kindness my way at all. Just feeling numb xx
You’ve found a good place to come, the people on here understand all to well where you’re coming from and hope you’ll find some good advice.
I’ve read so many threads and have found it comforting.
The loss of our parents are devastating, and all of the feelings are so overwhelming it’s difficult to know where to start dealing with them sometimes. Only thing to do right now is to be kind and gentle with yourself, take a breath and take it hour by hour. I’m sorry I can’t advise you any better.
Keep sharing on here, people do care and will help. Sending you some love
I hear you. I feel much the same way, having lost my dad recently. It’s hellish, I know, and the pain is like an open wound. Sending you hugs. 
Hi I’m still looking for some guidance and help, if anybody can help I’m really finding life hard and I feel lost so much x