Hi I am nee to this, I lost my dad when I was 18 to lung cancer sat and watched him suffer of terminal illness, ignored grieve for years and it hit me like a tonne of bricks as I got older having children etc my mum recently passed away from acute myloid luekemia and toxins from chemotherapy spread to her brain, and brain damaged her. I am suffering so bad and I just don’t no what to do I’m in physical pain I cry for her every night begging for her, she was my whole world my safety blanket and she gave me love guidance support and was everything. I’m turning to drink and other stuff to avoid reality because I can’t cope and I just don’t want to feel like this I’m angry stressed lost alone and I’m a dark place, my partner doesn’t understand how I feel I’m crying out for help so much it’s like screaming into an empty room. I just want to try be abit happier and feel normal but I don’t think it’s possible now. I just wish my head wasn’t so beaten down by losing my mum but how else am I meant to feel. Im not suicidal I would never ever want to do that but this pain is soul destroying and I just want my life back can’t anyone share some support or some kindness my way at all. Just feeling numb xx
You’ve found a good place to come, the people on here understand all to well where you’re coming from and hope you’ll find some good advice.
I’ve read so many threads and have found it comforting.
The loss of our parents are devastating, and all of the feelings are so overwhelming it’s difficult to know where to start dealing with them sometimes. Only thing to do right now is to be kind and gentle with yourself, take a breath and take it hour by hour. I’m sorry I can’t advise you any better.
Keep sharing on here, people do care and will help. Sending you some love
I hear you. I feel much the same way, having lost my dad recently. It’s hellish, I know, and the pain is like an open wound. Sending you hugs. 
Hi I’m still looking for some guidance and help, if anybody can help I’m really finding life hard and I feel lost so much x
Hello @Steffy,
I’m so sorry to hear about your parents. It sounds as though things are very difficult at the moment and you are looking for support.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. You might already be familiar with our other Online Bereavement Support services, but if not, you can find out more about our Online Counselling service, our Grief Coach text support service, and our Grief Guide self-help tools by visiting the link.
Another good place to look at is this article Losing a parent
Take care - keep reaching out,
Alex
Im so sorry for your losses Steffy. I lost my Mum in October 2023 and my Dad many years before that, and I understand that feeling that you’re screaming inside with the pain. 
Id encourage you to seek support to help with both your grief and if you are finding that alcohol is becoming an issue. If you haven’t done so already, speak to your GP to see what support they can offer. Also Id suggest have a look online at what local bereavement services are available- for example my local hospice runs grief support groups and offers bereavement counselling for free. You have all these emotions running through you - having counselling support can help you a) realise its perfectly normal b) give you a safe space to explore those feelings c) help you find coping mechanisms. Grief support groups also give you that local community of people who totally understand. I wouldnt have got through the last 9 months without both of these supports.
Everyones going to be different in what helps them, so hopefully some other people will add other suggestions. But another thing that helped me was podcasts related to grief. In the times where i felt none of my friends understood, and i was waiting for access to counselling, they helped me feel less alone. Podcasts I’d recommend are Good Mourning and Griefcast. But i think it depends on the individual- some people find exercise/being in nature/some sort of activity a good distraction at times when the emotions are getting too much. There’s a healthy balance that has to be found - its good to let the emotions flow, but when they get overwhelming you need to have ways you can calm/soothe yourself. 
Keep posting here - post every day, multiple times if you need to! There is a whole community of people all grieving in different ways and wanting to support each other