Hello…
Trying this to see if it helps, March 2022 was when my life changed. We was given the news my mum had breast cancer. Instantly we were broken, scared and thought the worst. We was reasured that she was in safe habds and she would hsve every chance that they could cure her. The professionals words were… if you was to get and breast cancer you have the best one. Have surgery breast removed you will be cured. Time past with no treatment. 31st may my mum had a mastectomy. After surgery 2 weeks advised removed a 4 inch tumour along with breast and 40 lymphnodes with 39 were infected and cancerous. And sent for another ct scan as worried spread with the amount of cells and the size of tumor. 4 weeks later we still had no results of ct scan, mum then took ill within this 4 week oeriod where not eating. Chest infection symptoms, breathless finally got a gp apt and then rushrd to hospital. After numerous antibiotic and chest xray and another ct scan confirmed cancer had spread to lungs and was bad stage 4. Still no treatments no oncologist apt nothing. Apt came through for 7th August to see oncologist to look at treatment plans. 30th July my mum passed away. 2 weeks we had with her from taking poorly to dying. How is that the best form of breast cancer to have.
Im so angry. Im so lost without mum, my heart literally hurts so much. I feel like everything i do, is about my mum. Im like im obsessed with her, im scared ill forget something, forget her voice. I can’t lose her again.
Her passing was very traumatic in the last week and very rapid in the end of life… this haunts me, i see it in my dreams, i relive it i have had 6 sessions of councelling but my head keeps going back to mum. All i see is the death, her struggling i cant let go of it either as im so scared of letting go of mum.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum, @Hayleyboo. I can hear the pain in your words. It sounds like even though she was unwell, it was a massive shock to you and you’re understandably traumatised by her death.
You’re not alone - many of our members have lost their mums and will understand some of what you’re going through. I’m giving your thread a bump - hopefully someone will be along to offer their support.
Keep reaching out,
Seaneen
Hi @Hayleyboo ,
Loosing a parent is heartbreaking, when our loved ones first pass, it can be a shock, & it’s understandable that that your angry, hospitals are often too slow treating cancer, my mom passed away from brain tumours, & it was very traumatic watching her determinate. Sending hugs of support.
I’m so sorry @Hayleyboo how awful.
Your experience reminds me of mine in a way. My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer, but the type was very treatable with specific medication for it. But she had to have lots of tests and wait weeks/months to start the treatment. In that time, she had a stroke which completely wiped her out. The stroke meant she couldn’t even start the treatment and then everything happened so fast and she passed away. I’m also traumatised and relive those moments in the hospital and her dying a lot. I think our brains are trying to process it and are probably in shock.
I also know what you mean about feeling like you’re obsessed. My mum is all I think about all the time. I miss her so much. I’m also scared I’ll forget things.
Maybe don’t think about ‘letting go’ but just taking things one day at a time. Don’t put any pressure on yourself to be over it. I think it’s normal that we feel this way. It’s only because we love our mums so much 
Thank you… yes i feel bad and guilty when having a better day… but my mum would hate that im feeling this way. I thrn feel like im letting her down. Greif is such a challenging journey, trying to learn to hold mum there and grow around the greif. Sorry to hear about your mum… missing my mum more than anything xx
Hopefully you can remember the Great times you shared together
When those thoughts come into my head I try and think of happy times before my Mum became ill
It doesn’t always work but I also have my Mums dressing gown that I can still smell her on it which is a comfort
Hope you find some peace
Sending hugs
Hi @Chri I also have some of my mum’s clothes that I can smell her on, it is a small comfort and helps me feel she’s still here nice to know there are others who do the same
Yes i have a top i have put away in a bag, which I hope to perserve my mums smell on.
I had a memory bear made with her wedding outfit she wore to my wedding and i added a voice box so i can hear her voice. Sometimes i do hold her and smile ither times i cry as i just wish i could hold her. My mum has a twin sister identical too so when im with her i feel 2 sides if emotions, 1 comfort as she reminds me so much of mum but also find it so so hard as their so similar in so many ways xx
We have someone making us some memory bears out of my Mums other dressing gowns
My Mums best clothes are going to be made into covers for mine and my Brothers beds by a lovely lady