Hi, it’s taken me a long time to fully accept that I’ll never see my mum agian.
Honestly, i happened to come accros this by chance, and i thought maybe people on here will understand and for someone to finaly hear me.
Its been hard the past 7 months losing my mom to a brain aneurism.
I’ve not had any support of any of my family even though we’re all going through the same loss.
Ive been trying to be strong for my siblings trying to be there for them when they need help or just to cry.
But it’s been so hard as I’ve had no one to talk to about my pain and how it made me feel.
I try to remember the good times i had with my mom, but it hurts every time as i was always there for her. I helped her whenever she needed me. i used to phone her every day sometimes just to listen to her.
I feel like it’s my fault she’s gone.
The guilt i carry every day is sometimes crippling.
I think about the what ifs all the time,
What if i pushed her to go to the doctors more,
What if i had been there the day she fell.
What if i said i loved her just even once more.
What if i gave her a hug that she always wanted.
The night time is the hardest for me as im scared to sleep.
I feel like that if i alow myself to sleep its a privilege im not entitled to as she sufferd, i slept.
As she forgot who i was little by little i slept rembering.
It’s been hard, so hard.
Ive not given myself the time to greave to accept shes gone, is it wrong of me to push my family away to take time for myself for once to focus on my greif?
Thank you for taking the time to read i really appreciate it, i just need advice am i doing the right thing in distancing myself to give myself time to heal?