Losing my mum

It’s been a month since I lost my mum. I’m currently studying at university so I’m away from my family and living with housemates who didn’t know her. I’m struggling to balance everyday life, concentrate at university, while remaining strong for the people around me. My mum went to hospital for a “routine” brain operation to remove an aneurysm and there was a complication, which lead to her having a stroke and ultimately her death. I’m struggling to come to terms with this all on my own, it was very sudden and a few weeks before my 21st birthday. I feel angry at myself for being in a hurry to leave home a few days before and not messaging her on the day of her operation. I have all this love to give to my mum and I don’t know where to put it. I am lost, numb and heartbroken all at the same time.

Aww you are so young and have a lot on your plate as it is. Death really comes at unusual times. My mum died suddenly in August 7 weeks after I had my first born baby I was only 27 and feel the timing was so wrong as she was so excited to be a nan. I’ve found reading afterlife books have helped me I’ve started to read one called ‘where did you go’ which is giving me confidence this is not the end. How are your family coping? X

Hi Amy,
My name’s Abbie and similarly to you I am also 21 and a student living away from home. I lost my mum just over a year ago when I was 19 and was a second year student, just a couple of weeks before I turned 20 (the same day as mothers Day that year too). I can’t begin to explain how hard it is to be the strong one, and trying to keep up with uni with everything going on. I felt like I was falling behind in every aspect of my studies, and being with my Uni friends, who didn’t know me too well was also quite a strain as I would watch them go out, have fun and generally enjoy student life. I even found myself being quite resentful at times about how easy everyone had it in comparison, which of course is not true and something I would hate to think. I also found that reaching out to my uni counsellor was very useful and this may be an option for you as well? Don’t do what I did and try and cope with this all by yourself. Strong people need help too sometimes.
I have a lot of regrets when I think about mine and my mums relationship. We weren’t on great terms for much of my teens and this is something I regret almost every day. But the truth is you never know when things like this are going to happen, and it is so important to try not to blame yourself, as impossible as that seems! Birthdays will be hard, and I know my last two have felt kind of hollow, and I don’t know if this passes or whether it is just something we have to adapt to.
Also, in response to the love you have for your mum, that is SO important and don’t ever try and just ignore it. After a lot of deliberating I decided to channel mine into starting my own little charity and carry on my mum’s legacy of making people happy. I don’t know what kind of things you like, maybe hobbies? I just know that I had to turn this horrible situation around and have some good come out of it.
I hope this has helped and if you ever have any questions or just want to talk about uni life then give me a shout x