Losing my mum

I lost touch with my mum about 6 years ago due to a toxic relationship with my brothers getting involved it was making me ill so i ended up moving and ended the relationships.I previously had a great relationship with my mum and we did a lot together but she used to say how my brothers were making her ill but they managed to manipulate her into turning her against me it was a big shock but later found out she had start of dementia so it would have been easier to manipulate her into decisions.I lost contact but new where she was .A few months ago another relative bumped into someone in a supermarket and she was told my mum died in sept 2022 i was devastated i wasnt told it was a hard job to findbout anything as i was blocked at every corner but i got there in end and since found out other family members were not allowed to attend the funeral.I am finding it difficult to move on and no matter how bad things were between me znd my brothers ifit were me i could never do that to anyone .They made sure i was written out of the will how can people be so cruel the money never bothered me as family and health are my priority but its the extent they have gone to cover up their actions that i findvhard to cope with and family members i have tried to contact have been told not to speak to me.

Hello @Unionjack139,

Thank you for reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It’s completely understandable you’re struggling when you weren’t able to say goodbye.

This page has some ideas on remembering a loved one if you didn’t attend the funeral. Maybe there are some ideas that you may find helpful.

If you’re interested in counselling, we offer free online bereavement counselling, which is held via video chat. You can find out more here:

If you use the little magnifying glass, you can find threads from other people grieving estranged parents. Click this link to read some of them.

You are not alone,


So sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum and the behaviour of your brothers. It must feel like you have lost your Mum all over again as you had to break contact with her due to the toxicity. You might also be weirdly grieving the loss of your relationship with your Brothers . And the sadness that you must be feeling because you didn’t get to go to her funeral for your chance to say a last goodbye. So sad. Talking it out with a Counsellor might be helpful. I had the Counselling offered by Sue Ryder and for me it was absolutely brilliant. I was allocated an Integrative /Person Centered Counsellor who was amazing. So warm, non judgmental, respectful and also so professional and supportive. I would highly recommend it.
My Mum died 40 weeks ago and due to the manipulation and lies of my siblings my previously wonderful relationship with my Son has completely broken down. It’s heartbreaking for me but he was taken in by their lies and as is soo often the case money was what they wanted and they succeeded in gaining it. . He owned my Mums flat c£400k and literally gave it to my Brother and Sister without a single word to me! My son was living abroad, very busy and I was looking after my Mum and they were in email and telephone contact filling his head with lies so he made a stupid decision but one that has caused me soo much pain. Same brother and sister had without anyone’s knowledge gained Power of Attorney over my Mums affairs years ago. Like you it’s not about the money it’s about how can people act like this.?? I don’t call it Happy Families, I call it Crappy Families.
Good luck and you take care. Xx but I would defo give the counselling a go if I were you.

Thankyou and sorry what has happened to you.