I lost my wonderful, funny. talented husband 15 months ago. I am so grateful for the years we had together but the pain we experience of losing our life partners is like no other loss. I read on this forum some while ago someone likened it to an amputation without the blood. The initial pain is so intense it is hard to describe - the ongoing pain 15 months on has subsided to a dull ache - until those moments that knock us sideways again and the tears come - for what reason -who knows, I certainly don’t ? For those on the beginning of the journey - there are good days - not the same - and will never be the same but a kind of ‘well I have to get on with it’ . And I shuffle around and find something to focus on.
To compare the loss of your partner/husband/wife to losing a parent - forgive me it really is not the same. For when we lose our partners we also lose our future - the plans and dreams are gone so not only has our one true love been taken from us - but so has our future. And the future seems bleak without the person who loved us passionately and completely.
Of course I sympathise on the loss of parent (I have been there and it hurts - it hurts a lot) and I would not nor could not comment on the loss of a child. Like any mother I would do anything to protect my children - albeit they are grown up. My children are precious - and I know they were devastated at the loss of their dad at such a young age. Yes we expect to lose our parents -it is the circle of life but when the parent is still young it is very hard. But we never really give a thought to losing our husbands.
I could never have imagined how I would and do feel at the loss of the person who was literally the other half of me. Maybe I was lucky - but we fell in love almost instantly - we knew we were meant to be together - nothing else mattered. Parental objection, circumstance - nothing we just wanted to spend every minute with each other… Our early years full of passion and fun laid the foundation eventually of family life and then the comfort of someone who could finish my sentences, knew everything about me, cared and loved me and still saw me as the young me. I look at myself in the mirror and I fear growing old without him. I see the lines and look at myself and see me as someone heading into old age alone. Yes I have my wonderful children - they are there for me whenever I need them - and sometimes when I don’t - but they cannot see how alone I am - they grieve their father but they have no comprehension of my hurt, my fears and the realisation that I will never be loved like he loved me. That I will never ever love anyone as I love him. I use the present tense rather than the past tense - for I do still love him. It is still our house, our children and I still use we rather than I. I still buy him birthday cards and tuck them into the journal I write to him. I sometimes cannot believe how lucky I was to have found him - but how unlucky I was to lose him far too soon.
I has wonderful caring parents who had a good marriage. I was always a daddy’s girl and it took me a long time to get over losing my dad. My mum lived on without him for another twenty years - but only now do I begin to understand how she felt. I realise I had no comprehension of how she was feeling and wish I could tell her. Mind you she told me that Gary and I would never last …. Sorry mum - you got that one wrong. I miss my parents - of course I do - my first thought when Gary died was I wanted my mum. But it is nothing like the everyday feeling that something is missing from my life - and of course it is Gary my forever love who is missing. I am not the person I was - but I will be OK I will live for both of us and make him proud. I will find something useful to do, to try and help others and of course still be mum and there for our two children. We have to - don’t we ?