The days are hard enuf…i walk my 2pugs till theyr dropping…go to shops for nothing…i have kids …grown up they pop in but they have their own lives and even tho loz was their mum its a different thing…they leave…i lock the door and then thats it…emptiness…loneliness…pray for sleep which is hours away…and then ends too soon aswell…just seems theres nothing…nothing.
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Hi
Yes i get the same. Can’t get to sleep, and then the painful memories come. Have to try really hard to put some good thoughts in my head, to be able to sleep, but then i wake again and again, and have to do the sane process each time.
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Hi Eddie777
I have gone back to work, but i can only currently work part time, as i am too emotionally drained and not sleeping well enough to go full time.
Work is a welcome distraction, but today i broke down and cried in my office. I don’t care if people see me, i won’t hold back the tears currently.
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Hi Eddie777
Yes my kids are grown, and i pop round to see them or vice versa, but once they have gone and you shut that front door, the loneliness is crushing.
I can’t describe the pain i am in, as virtually no one i know has been through it themselves. How can you possibly describe the desolation you feel at the loss of a long term partner.
We were just over 22 years in to our relationship, and would have been married for 20 years in March. I had known her however for around 30 years.
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Hi jacrobthorn…and all…i totally get how you feel…i do have a few friends who have been thru losing their wife.albeit years ago and talking with them helps…but again i cant totally rely on them…they have moved on and have new lives…i just cant see that happening…or want to for that matter…eating/cooking is a big thing now too…we wudve been married 25 and together for 30…coming upto4months since she passed…just feel so empty
Hi Eddie777
I get that, you don’t even feel like you want to.move on at the moment. I knew Jacquie for about 30 years, although we got together 22 years ago.
Keeping myself going at he moment is the main thing. Eating and drinking, and just surviving at present.
I currently have no idea how i am suposed to move on. It is too hard surviving without thinking about the future.
I pop on this site regularly, because i find it helps.
Hi Alley,
I totally understand how you’re feeling. My husband passed away in September 2024, in my arms. 
The last day we were in the hospice is constantly replaying in my mind—I can never forget. It has been more than half a year now, and I still cry every day.
We didn’t have children, and I have been disabled for 7 years—just 2 years before his diagnosis. Every time I struggle, I miss my husband even more. I often feel upset that he has never appeared in my dreams, and it leaves me with a sense of abandonment. My thoughts and emotions are all over the place.
You came to the right place to offload your grief. I always feel a little better when I visit here. What I’ve learned is to give yourself enough time and be patient. Grief is a lifelong process—I don’t think it ever truly ends. The only comfort I find is knowing that my husband went before me, sparing him from suffering the grief I now endure.
We shared so many years together, and he left behind so many empty spaces. What I’m doing now (not by my choice, it is just happening) is filling those spaces, more new memories is creative while the life is going on…
If it helps, talk to him—I do. When I do shopping, I discuss with him about the style and colour, see if he would like it. Somebody will say I am crazy, but this is me.
Sending you strength and understanding. Take care! 
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Hi Sam08092024
I get exactly what youare saying. Mybwife died on 6th January this year. She had had a tough life before i met her, losing a lot of family. She was diagnosed with a liver disease before we got together. I never thought that i would lose her from it. She was a week or so from a transplant when she passed.
I too was glad that she went before me, as i didn’t want her to suffer loss again, but iit means i have to carry that pain now.
I am surviving on a day to day basis and that’s as good as it gets currently.
I talk to her all the time, and i am writing letters to her in a notebook. I hope it helps me. I look for signs of her, and have had a few, but it can never be enough.
I hope that in time we can all do ok, but good luck to you on your journey through the pain.
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Hi all.hope ur all doing ok…or just being ok…i know wer not.but u get what i mean…my wife had pht…had a major heart op at papworth…and was doing well…then sepsis out of the blie leading to multi organ failure 2 1/2 years later…i too am more relieved if thats the right word?for her to pass before me so she didnt have to go thru this…its things now i have to do that she ‘just did’…gkids bdays…all stuff like that…she just did them all…obviously i have to do them now.and not knowing what to write in the cards?..i will cry everday.and dont see moving on as an option right now…i think i said previously.sum1 told me…the weight we carry never gets any easier…we just get stronger to carry it…not happening tho…i also talk to her everyday…always will…take care all
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@Eddie777
You’re right. I wouldn’t want my partner to go through what I’m going through now. I know he wouldn’t cope. I’m trying but only for him. I hope you’re right that we get stronger. I was always the strongest in both of us. I hope it comes back. I wouldn’t wish what I’m feeling on my worst enemy.
Winnie. Xx
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Winnie…i guess all we can do is try…just giving up isnt a real option.even tho we may feel it is the only option at times…i too hope to find the strength needed to carry on and get thru and hope you do too…
Please give me advice on how you doing it, going on cause I have tried for the last few months and I just want to give up because I’m tired and broken 
I cant really advise.just offer support…i think its a different ‘process’ as they call it for everyone…and i too feel like giving up.see no light and am dispondant…and it can be like there is no hope…i force myself to go out (not to pubs) just to shops /dogwalks/bereavement group.just to get out the house…my4kids and 8gkids have an inpact on keeping me going…but like iv said before…when you lock that door in an evening…it hits home everytime…all i know is its hard.damn hard. everyday.its easy to say stay strong but i know its not easy to do…but that its ok not to be…take your time…and take any little positive as a good thing.no matter how small…theres alot of ‘firsts’ to come…my wife passed almost4months ago…and 95%of the people who offered support and condolences have not been anywer near…not even once!..take care.x
@Alley
Love day by day. I’ve had the worst few days but today I feel abit more upbeat. I don’t know what’s changed but I feel different if you can understand. Each day I make sure I’ve got something to do either all morning or afternoon. I’ve done stuff when I e been sobbing basically unable to breathe with grief. I’ve collapsed in a heap after but I’ve done something! You have to try love. I’m doing it for himself. I promised. Xx
Hi Tenpin and Alley
Yes i agree, you have to try. My wife would not want me to fall apart, she would kick my backside. She suffered a lot of loss, and continued with her life.
It is still early for me, but i know that i have to try to come to terms with the fact that she is no longer here, and when i get home from work, i know she will not be there, no matter how painful that is. I am not saying that i don’t cry, i do daily, but in my head i know that this will continue to happen, that’s grief, that’s the pain of missing someone we love.
I have no real desire currently to move on, but i know eventually i will have to force myself to start a new life.
I don’t really want to be at work, but it does act as a diversion for my thoughts for a few hours, even though i am emotionally shattered by what has happened.
Doing something everyday helps, as i think you need to prove to yourself that you can function, even slowly, after such a terrible loss.
We all have good and bad days. Mine are currently more bad than good, but i still have a life to live, and i want to honour her by living it for her memory. I won’t ever forget her, or stop missing and loving her.
Those feelings i will carry for the rest of my life, until i see her again when i pass.
Believing i will see her again is a big comfort in my life currently.
@Jrthorn
Yes you mentioned seeing your partner again. I’m glad this gives you comfort. I’ve prayed and thanked God for taking his soul back to look after. I do want to see him again more than anything. I hope it’s true. Today hasn’t been too bad. But as the night comes that’s when the anxiety and tears start. I miss him terribly. Xx
Hi Jacrobthorn,
I think writing to your wife is a great way to release your sorrow, and talking to her is, too. I kiss my hubby’s urn good morning and good night, just as before. I find that very comforting.
I have been disabled since 2017 after an operation on my ear. I take every opportunity to exercise and improve my movement. It’s even more important since my husband has gone. Every time I achieve something new, I always shout in my head, “Dugi, I did it!” followed by a big cry.
I just know my husband would be lying on the sofa, saying, “That’s amazing, Sam! I can’t do that!”
Last week, when I went to get a pint of milk on my scooter, it was raining. I suddenly burst into tears and had to stop because I couldn’t see where to go. A lady on a bike was passing me. She dismounted, came over, and gave me a long, firm hug. That was so touching! She is such a kind lady.
Since my husband passed away, he has never appeared in my dreams, and that bothers me a lot. I feel abandoned and was left behind. I always wonder, where is he now? Can he see what I am doing and thinking?
I struggle with the thought that we are now in two different and separate worlds, and that also bothers me a lot. 
Me too—like you, I am living on a day-to-day basis. That is all I can manage, living with questions that have no answers.
Hi Alley,
Nights are the worst. I feel lonely even though I have all the TVs and audiobooks on. My mind automatically goes back to our last day in the hospice, replaying everything that happened. Tears always accompany me until late at night.
I, too, wake up two or three times a night. When my dog wakes me up whining, it’s always around 9 a.m. And then, a new horrible day begins—another struggle…
I do agree you have to try…my wife was so strong and told me many times to just carry on.obviously not knowing how bad it would actually be…i speak to her everyday…all day/nite…and also go to bed as late as possible…and dread the morning coming…but it currently does.its like rite now…iv cooked some food…ready to eat…wont eat it…bin it n go to bed…hope to sleep n then…i really dont know…same again?
@To All
Eat sleep repeat. That’s what we’re all doing. We all know we made promises to live a life and carry on. But no one left us an instruction book. So we’re trying to write it and scribble it out when it doesn’t work and start again. I hope whatever we all believe that we’ll see our partners again or they are watching us gives us all some semblance of comfort. Until then if we can keep sharing on here I believe it’ll go some way to helping us heal. Xx
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