Im struggling with fyeeling guilty about appearing ok.im just not a public sharer of my grief. As a result people seem to think im strong, upbeat or even just fine. Yet when im alone i often cry, withdraw to my bed, blinds down and away from the world, of course no one sees that.
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Hub i know exactly how you feel my partner passed away on sunday. Since then im barely left my bedroom other than when needed. Blinds down doors locked but ur right night times are totally the worst
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After Andy passed away, I couldn’t lie down, not on the bed or even in the settee. I’d just drink myself into a stupor and sleep in the chair. After 5 weeks, I am now trying to change this behaviour. My eldest son sets me a bedtime, even saying ‘I don’t care if you take your bottle of wine with you but be in bed by 11.30’ and I don’t want to let him down! It’s worked so far. I now go to bed between 2230/2300, still likely to have a glass in hand but at least I’m getting into bed! Don’t necessarily sleep but at least I’m lying down xx
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You’re right, it’s about coping strategies and routine for the now.
16 weeks for me and if I get myself to bed before 1am it’s a win (I used to head up at 9.30pm and read knowing my husband would be up within the hour).
Mine’s not a drink, it’s biscuits and tv! I call it lonely eating. At least while I’m typing this I’ve got to put the biscuit down 
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Bless you, at least you’ve chosen a slightly better option! I’m working on the drinking side of things, and very aware of the situation which I’m grateful for. Andy would be so worried about me so I need to reduce my intake for his sake as well as mine. Enjoy your biscuits xx
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We all cope in different ways, there is no right or wrong way. My husband died in may after 54 years together, gosh i miss him something dreadful. I am a fake it till you make it kind of person. I am lucky to be living in a retirement village, we have been here 10 years so know everyone. Every day i go down to the community centre and join in and put a big front on then i come home and realise he is gone. One day it wont hurt as much so i just keep plodding on
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