Losing my partner

Losing a partner
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Hi lost my partner 9wks ago and im struggling mentally i just cant stop crying i know its still early days but i feel as though i cant carry on without him. I just feel so lonely

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Hello @Linzim ,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your partner that brings you here.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.

If you feel your mental health is struggling, you can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or support services in your local area.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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Thank you so much for replying…i think i am going to make app with gp im really struggling x

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Linzim yes make that appointment. Make sure you get enough sleep. A bad nights sleep makes everything so very much harder to deal with. I have no magic to help you. 16 weeks for me and I cry everyday. But there are times I smile and yesterday I actually had a real giggling fit. There will be good times again, we just have to survive long enough to enjoy them. You will find a good bunch of people on here who know exactly how you feel.

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Im sorry for your loss,im the same right now hun,lost my partner 2 weeks ago of 17 years and god its hell,i honestly dont want to be here but know he would go mad at them thoughts even entering my mind,i just feel so alone and lost now,uncertain of my future and what to do next…i have been seeing my gp and it helps,ive got lots of ppl around me to talk too but its hard when i just want him.i bought myself a grief journal where i write to him every day about my feelings,how my days gone,just as if hes here with me and honestly its beautiful and does help a little.
I hope you will be ok xxx

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Linzim and Tamlou, I am so very sorry that your husband/partner died. Yes, it is hellish. Your entire world changed and you lost your loved one and yourself. We have all become a different person since our husband or partner died. We aren’t the same as before and neither is our world.

So, you are numb, nervous, anxious, sad, depressed, scared, confused, walking in circles, living in a dense fog, unable to complete sentences, no short term memory, no appetite, no sleep, physical pain in your chest, weeping and do not know in which direction to turn. You are normal. This is what the early days/months are.

We, here, are all in the same boat and we know what you are going through.

My advice is always the same: pay the bills, feed yourself and the kids/pets and hydrate. Everything else can wait. This is survival mode. Make a list of 5 things you must accomplish each day, mark them off when done and you will have a visual reminder that you are , in fact, functioning.

Take each day hour by hour. Do not grieve loss of the future you had planned, do not think of it at all. Just think for this hour, then the next. You can grieve the future when it gets here. Save yourself the additional grief now.

You will survive and, one day, thrive. Just not yet. Your wounds are fresh and take time to heal. I know it is cliche’, but time is your only friend. It gets easier to cope, we learn to adapt, we make mistakes, we get frustrated and we still survive.

You are surviving as you post here. Step by step.

I am 17 weeks in and I promise you that some of the fog has lifted, I can sleep more than 4 hours, I have an appetite, I have moments of hilarity and laughter again, I keep a tablet and write down everything that needs to be done, etc., and it helps with the loss of short term memory. It seems 17 weeks of ‘Ground Hog Day’ but my lists show otherwise.

No one knows like a widow or widower so expect no one to “get it”. Come here, we do.

5 things a day, that is all.

Much love.

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