I’ve tried several times to write something but the tears blur the words I want to write so I give up and sob my heart out.
I try to do this as silently as possible so those sitting here with me have no idea what I’m going through.
My younger sister died on 8th October after fighting her second battle with breast cancer. Our parents died when we were children and I was ten at the time so I’m no stranger to death and losing people I love it’s just seems to feel worse the older I get.
To make it more difficult my sister chose to have a non attended cremation, so I feel as there is no goodbye.
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Hello @Lizzy12,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
You might also want to look at Losing a sibling.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
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Hi @Lizzy12
I cannot imagine how you feel right now, the thought of losing my sister… I cannot comprehend. I lost my Mum in March but I feel grief is so nuanced and complicated it would be a totally different feeling if I had lost my sister.
Did your sister discuss her decision with you? My Mum also chose an unattended cremation and we have been struggling with it ever since. 7 months later I’m almost at peace with it. We were going to throw a celebration of life but right now I cannot fathom planning it so we are just putting it on hold… if it happens at all.
It’s so difficult - but no funeral doesn’t mean there isn’t a chance for you to say goodbye.
I will say though that for others, a celebration of life is something that can bring peace and closure. If that’s something you think you could do for your sister?
My Mum hated attention so it would feel like we were doing her a disservice if we threw one 
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Hi Coldwater Mermaid
Thank you for your kind words andso sorry to hear you lost your mum in March.
My sister was the kind of person who was very forthright and was adamant that she didn’t want any sort of celebration so her husband and daughter are going with her wishes. My younger sister and me are thinking of going for a meal just to acknowledge that she’s gone and reminisce. Thank you for replying.
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It’s such a strange feeling and so different… a funeral is like, the done thing isn’t it!?
We did the same. My brother, sister and my niece all went to a place my Mum liked and had some food and a drink in her honour. We were given a time of cremation and I expected some sort of lightning bolt to hit me in the chest. It didn’t. Strangest day of my life.
Talk about your sister, loud and clear 
eat her favourite food. Drink her tipple if she has one. Share the happy memories. X