Losing my Son’s Dad

Hi all

I’m new to this forum & wanted somewhere to vent my feelings.

My Son’s Dad passed in May this year after an 18 month battle with aggressive Oesophageal Cancer.
We weren’t together but he was still a big part of our family & I loved him dearly but now as a brother rather than a partner.

My Son is 11 years old & I also have a daughter who has just turned 7. I am married to her Dad & he is very supportive.
Im supporting my Son through his journey of grief which is really difficult but I also have my own grief. Both for the loss of a loved one but also for my Son’s loss of his Dad.
I find that I’m unintentionally putting my grieving to the back as I’m concentrating on my Son.
I feel like I’m on autopilot, doing the daily chores, school runs, working, after school activities etc which I’m generally coping with but lately I’m finding that I’m coping less & less.

I have the usual friends who “support” me but don’t feel like I can offload to them too much as I’m scared they’ll dread seeing me!
I have a drs appointment this week but don’t see what they can do. My Son’s school SENco suggested that I log it with them.
I’m finding sleeping tricky as although I sleep, I don’t feel that I completely relax & often wake feeling tense & achey.
I’ve spoken with Winstons wish & am booked on an online support group for those supporting others in grief & my son is also booked on one for children in similar situations to him.

I just feel that I’m constantly on edge & tight.
I broke down to my Son’s SENco today after receiving a letter about him being late for class! I was really cross & upset as we had a really difficult week the week before last & he shut down a few times & I struggled getting him to school then received a general letter telling me off for it. When speaking to her I just cracked completely out of the blue! So embarrassing!!

I don’t really know where I’m going with this! I just felt the need to get it out there to anybody who will listen.

Thank you

1 Like

Hello @Hs_Mum, I’m so sorry for the loss of your son’s dad and someone that you loved. I am glad you are in touch with Winston’s Wish - it must be so difficult supporting your son through grief while grieving yourself.

It sounds like you are coping with so much right now and are finding it tough to have some space that’s just for you. Your grief and your feelings are important too. Many of our members have had bereavement counselling and have found it to be helpful. If it’s something you’d like to explore, we offer free online bereavement counselling which is held via video chat - you can find out more about it here: https://www.sueryder.org/online-bereavement-counselling

If you’d prefer something face-to-face, your GP should be able to point you in the right direction.

Please do keep reaching out - you’re not alone.

Take care,

Thank you for your reply.
I’ve signed up for your zoom counselling & I have a gp appointment this week.