We lost out son suddenly nearly 4 weeks ago aged 28. He had lots of illnesses and also learning and physical disabilities. He was my baby boy. He had been unwell with a chest infection the week before but although his chest sounded so much better he was still very tired. I thought he had been coughing a bit more the night before so phoned our doctor who prescribed more antibiotics over the phone. I was glad that he got them so quickly and my mum went and picked them up for me. I made lunch and decided as he was so tired we would just have it in the living room. He didn’t want any but I tried to get him to eat some and drink his juice as he needed to keep up his strength so he was better for Christmas. He fought a bit against me and I remember getting at him and he ate a little. He wanted to fall asleep again so I thought I would let him have a nap before changing his pad. I sorted out a box of Christmas decorations that I took out the loft the night before before taking the lunch dishes away. I went to the toilet and went back to the living room and he was making a horrible rasping noise. I grabbed him and his body went limp. I phoned the ambulance and started CPR, the dog was licking his face which he loved and laughed at but there was nothing. I was when the ambulance arrived and thought he would be fine and they would take him to hospital. I remember thinking that I needed to phone his dad but didn’t want to leave to find my phone until they were ready to go to the hospital. After what seemed like ages I phoned his dad to get home as the paramedics were still working on him. His dad got home quickly and we waited but he never woke up.
I prayed to God to take me instead.
Post mortem said bronchial pneumonia. We were lucky enough to have his funeral before Christmas, I could not have coped of the thought of him lying in the funeral parlour all alone at Christmas. He loved Christmas as due to his learning disabilities he was in a way still a child that believed in Santa. His gifts were all bought in as well as our teenagers, it was so hard doing Christmas for her. I couldn’t give him his gifts, they are still lying in our room. We visited the cemetery on Christmas day not knowing where to go. We left his flowers outside the crematorium so we just visited them, we had nothing for him.
I am totally lost. I sit on the couch with his photo sitting beside me, I leave the living room to do something then come back and sit with his photo jus like I sat with my boy. His cushions and basket of toys still sit on the couch where he sat, I can’t move them.
I don’t know what to do with myself but also know that I need to keep going for my teenager.
I really feel for you. I lost my son 2 weeks ago in tragic circumstances and am totally heartbroken. Ive coped with many difficult things in my life but this time i am knocked back so far i cant function.
I’m so sorry.
I know exactly what you mean, so many things to do but can’t seem to manage anything. Getting out of bed is even a struggle. Never felt so empty xx
Me neither, if im not crying its a bonus. I cant find anything that makes me happy. I have another son and grandchildren so i really try for their sake but inside im in turmoil xx
If it wasn’t for our teenager I don’t think I would get out of bed. I know she sees me crying and she doesn’t say anything but just lets me get on with it. It has hit her worse since the funeral and then Christmas. I hope you are seeing your other son and grandchildren often, they will help you xx
They live with me thank goodness xx
Oh that is good, a reason to function everyday. Thanks for reaching out even though your in pain too xx
Hi there,
my heart goes out to you both. I also lost my son just over a month ago. Steve was 35 and was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer last February. He was a healthy young man, very fit and active. We couldn’t believe this diagnosis, devastating and then he only survived another 10 months.
I feel broken, his wife and sister seem to be in denial (or perhaps they’re so busy with their young families and cope better or just don’t show it to me ) but I pretend for them, but I miss him so so much. If ever I felt bad about anything I could speak to Steve, he was so kind and would help, make me feel better but now he’s gone and it hurts so much. Will this pain ever ease I don’t want to be this wreck of a person for ever.
So sorry for your loss. I am sure his wife and sister are also feeling it but they also have something else to focus on. If it wasn’t for our teenager I honestly don’t think I would still be here but she also says she doesn’t like talking about it as she knows it upsets us.
I wish I could tell you it gets easier but so far for me it has got harder. My husband has went back to work which means I am alone while she is at school. As I was my son’s carer I haven’t got anything else. I know I need to get out and try and do somethings and eventually find a job but I still just want to sit beside my son’s photo and hug his blanket.
I have started writing a journal, an idea that I found on the sueryder website and I would say that it has helped slightly. I write it as if I am talking to my boy and yes the tears flow but why shouldn’t they. I also read it out to him. If your son was the one you spoke to maybe it’s something you could try to see if it brings some comfort to you.
Sending love xx